CONNECT . MOTIVATE . INSPIRE .
AVENTER GRAY CARVING A NEW WAY TO EMPOWER, LEAD WITH HUMILITY
BY ZERLINE HUGHES SPRUILL
T he historic image of a Black church’s first lady brings images of one wearing a large jeweled headdress, a perfectly coordinated satin skirt suit, coupled, of course, with a lace-trimmed lap cloth to ensure the knees are covered. So when Aventer Gray’s husband was called to the ministry as a pastor, she took a long pause. “I was not trying to hear that at all, I’m not your typical first lady. I love a good dance moment,” said Gray, a Florida A&M University alumna. “ I immediately thought, ‘do I have to become anything?’ My husband calmed my spirit and said ‘just be you.’ That gave me peace and made me okay. God was already pleased with me.” Ever since Gray received that assurance, she has been instrumental in changing the expectations of first ladies–and women overall–around church roles and daily life, assumptions, and realities. One of those assumptions includes church fashion, but Gray’s mother, Bonnie Cotton, still isn’t swayed. Cotton, who also attended FAMU, said even though she didn’t
wear hats and gloves every Sunday when she was picked up by college friends to go to church, she most definitely dressed up, and still does. “You would never see me go in on Sunday morning with no stockings, or with tore out jeans,” laughed Cotton, a 1968 alumna. “I’m old-fashioned. You dress up to go to church. But that’s just me.”
pastor of your home, the students you teach, over certain things. I felt like I had been pastoring kids for years, through mentorship or dance, so I prayed about it and it resonated in my spirit that I could continue to be me in that role.” Today, Gray is now co-pastor of Love Story Church in Greenville, SC, alongside her husband Co-pastor John Gray. She is also Chief Operating Officer of John Gray Ministries, and speaks regularly at Lakewood Church, and around the country. Creating a Brand Around Transparency Over the last few decades, faith-based community leaders have altered the formal history of the Black church and stigma associated with the Black church in an effort to bring back church members, attract younger congregations, and to align with the vision of younger clergy members appointed
As a co-pastor of Love Story Church, Gray’s contribution to this new movement has been ministering a recurring message of empowerment to women, and coordinating multiple praise dance companies and programs. She established the Aventer Gray Co. brand which includes Harmony Reign, a platform of H.E.I.R. for women’s healing, empowerment, inspiration, and restoration. “It was important in my empowerment that women see themselves before adding a relationship to your role,” said Gray of her Harmony Reign program. “It’s important to know who you are–without any titles or accolades, any letters in front or in back of your name–so you won’t be picked off by the enemy. Before putting any of those letters before your name, you are a child of God.” Part of her project includes her bi-weekly podcast called, “Ave Unfiltered” where Gray offers women listeners an opportunity to hear unfiltered content about her personal and professional life, along with current topics like women’s
After having gotten used to the role and responsibility
of being a first lady in a megachurch, Gray’s husband offered yet another invitation.
“When my husband was pastoring at Lakewood Church, dance was my contribution to ministry,” recalled Gray of their time at Joel Osteen’s church in Houston, Texas. “About five years in, in 2018, when he was called to take over the church in South Carolina, he asked me to copastor. He said ‘I see you can help me carry my vision, you are equipped.’” “The connotation or definition of pastor can sometimes be destroyed,” she continued. “You can be
to provide spiritual and moral guidance to the church community.
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