American Consequences - September 2018


Get Me a Quote onThat

Thenwhy shouldwe turmoil in cares and in fears, Turn all our tranquill’ty to sighs and to tears? Let ‘s eat, drink, and play till the worms do corrupt us, ‘Tis certain, Post mortem Nulla voluptas. For health, wealth and beauty, wit, learning and sense, Must all come to nothing a hundred years hence. Thomas Jordan (c.1612-1685) “Coronemus nos Rosis antequammarcescant” (Let Us Crown Ourself with Roses Before TheyWither) Was the government to prescribe to us our medicine and diet, our bodies would be in such keeping as our souls are now. Thomas Jefferson, Notes on the State of Virginia Life is short, the art long, opportunity fleeting, experience treacherous, judgment difficult. Hippocrates on health care, Aphorisms Early to rise and early to bed makes a male healthy and wealthy and dead. James Thurber, Fables for Our Time

It’s easy to quit smoking. I’ve done it a thousand times. Attributed to Mark Twain I want a new drug, one that won’t make me sick One that won’t make me crash my car Or make me feel feet, feet, feet thick I want a new drug, one that won’t hurt my head One that won’t make my mouth too dry Or make my eyes too red... I want a new drug, one that won’t spill One that don’t cost too much Or come in a pill Huey Lewis

My doctor told me to run 10 miles a day. I called my doctor a week later. I said, “Doc, I’m 70 miles from my house.” Rodney Dangerfield

An endless vista of free false teeth with nothing to bite. Comment attributed to Tory MP Robert “Bob” Boothby during the debate over establishment of Britain’s National Health Service Here lies a lady of beauty and high degree. Of chills and fever she died, of fever and chills... And of medicos marveling sweetly on her ills. John Crowe Ransom, “Here Lies a Lady”

Razors pain you; Rivers are damp; Acids stain you; And drugs cause cramp. Guns aren’t lawful; Nooses give; Gas smells awful; You might as well live. Dorothy Parker, “Resume”

80 September 2018

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