May/June 2019
Straight from the
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ClearWater Plumbers
‘The Stray’ …Continued From Page 4
kittens sure are cute, but I am afraid they may not share my hatred for rats.
County. In recent years, our surroundings of sunflower fields and prairies have been replaced with neighborhoods of D.R. Horton Express homes. As each home is developed, the native rodent population scrambles to make a new home, inching closer and closer to ClearWater Plumbing. Now, I’m an animal guy, but I hate rats. I respect them for their industrious drive to adapt so quickly to new environments, but it’s hard not to view them as a nuisance when you have over 60 animals to care for and feed. Then, a brilliant idea came with a glimmer of hope. My wife, Amy, had been wanting another dog to keep our shop buddy, Captain, a 139-pound Great Pyrenees, from getting too lonely. I thought this was the perfect opportunity to get a dog whose natural instinct is to hunt rodents and plant fear in the hearts of rats. I began to research about 10 different breeds including terriers, schnauzers, and German pinschers. I even looked for cats with hunting instincts, too. Then, Amy beat me to the punch. Nothing in my research told me about the hunting abilities of the Great Pyrenees. I had been looking at smaller dogs to deploy under buildings and in tight spots, not a 100-pound dog who will happily choose to soak up the air conditioning when it’s over 73 F outside. To satisfy my hunting needs, I settled on two free kittens from a nice, old man on the side of the road in Mineral Wells, Texas. The Without consulting my exhaustive research, Amy brought in The Stray.
We have a bad habit of saying “yes” to adopting animals. Take a look for yourself.
Even so, The Stray has a good life. He was a rescue, and now he gets to wander three acres with Captain, protecting the great frontier from coyotes — but not rodents. The Stray has about 35 people to pet him daily, and he gets fed leftover breakfast burritos and hamburgers. Nobody feeds me hamburgers … I may call himThe Stray, but he’s also known as Louie by those who aren’t as funny as me. Some even call him Front Line Louie because he’s first to police the fence at night when the coyotes are yipping. Please don’t tell my wife and daughters, but I really do like The Stray, and we are glad to have him as our night watchman and playful pet. STRAY OR ESTRAY — WHICH IS CORRECT? Dictionary.com says that estray is an “animal that has strayed” or “domestic animals, as a horse or a sheep, found wandering or without an owner.” In most cases, estrays include domesticated animals and not pets, necessarily. So if the sheriff found my goat in Parker County, I would suspect the goat would be considered estray livestock. If the sheriff found our pet cat in Parker County, he would be considered merely a stray.
LONGSPAUGH ANIMALS: •
Three dogs: Paka, Luna, Trixable the Great
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Two cats: Cali and Ginger
CLEARWATER PLUMBING VILLAGE ANIMALS •
Twodogs: Captain and The Stray
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Two cats: Black Phone and Grey Phone
• • •
Six ducks , all mallards
Twenty chickens , all hens
Two goats: Mac and Indie (They even have their own jingle!) Twenty fish , all goldfish and koi
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Mr. Slankey and Gray Phone
If you count each fish on its own, we have over 60 critters among us. I bet you’re thinking: “Ok, Jeff. What does this have to do with the stray dog you’re so mean to?” Well, that’s a good question. The answer starts with where our shop is located.
– Jeff Longspaugh
We are in northwest Fort Worth in one of the fastest growing communities in Tarrant
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serious “The Dark Crystal” for kids who are a little older. As with Netflix and Hulu, this service also has a parental control feature, ensuring kids don’t watch anything that may be inappropriate. DISNEY+ Disney+ will be the newest streaming service, which is set to be released later this year. Families will have access to classic Disney movies as well as other content that Disney has influenced. They’ll even have exclusive access to the newest Disney creations. It’s been speculated that anticipated titles “Captain Marvel,” “Toy Story 4,” and “Frozen 2,” will only be available to stream on Disney+. Parents can rest easy knowing that R-rated films won’t be available through this new service as Disney wants to keep its family- friendly approach.
and restrictions for what their children can watch. You’ll never miss an episode of “Ninjago” or “Sesame Street” again! Their prices are reasonable as well, with Netflix plans ranging from $8.99–$15.99 a month and Hulu being slightly cheaper at $5.99– $11.99 a month. AMAZON PRIME VIDEO For parents who are already Amazon Prime members, the Amazon Prime Video is included with their membership. Those who aren’t can enjoy this streaming service by itself for $8.99 a month. Offering an extensive collection of titles of multiple genres, Amazon Prime Video is a great streaming service. Movies range from “The Daniel Tiger Movie: Won’t You Be Our Neighbor” for your toddler to the more
Finding that perfect streaming service for your family can cause parents some stress. There are so many options, and it can be difficult to determine which services provide child-appropriate content AND won’t cost you an arm and a leg. Luckily there are plenty of affordable platforms that have family- friendly content. NETFLIX AND HULU Known as two of the most popular streaming services that offer family-friendly content, Netflix and Hulu feature plenty of shows and movies that are perfect for kids. For families who own smart TVs or a digital media device, like Roku or Apple TV, both services are available after a quick app download.
Both of these platforms have parental controls, allowing parents to set up accounts
ClearWater Plumbers Tips and Tricks
Washer Box Hoses Insurance Claims the floor or walls. This can rupture the swollen hose, and once a hose bursts open, it can discharge almost 500 gallons of water in an hour. The best way to avoid a burst is to check the hose every 3–5 years. Whenever my team heads to a customer’s house, one of the first things we ask about is the washer box hose. Oftentimes, a burst hose can lead to insurance trouble as well. In fact, washer box hose claims are one of the most common claims homeowners make. However, there’s usually a 1–2% deductible in the entire claim. With a $350,000 house and a 2% deductible, you’re already looking at $7,000 out of pocket. After the homeowner deductible, there’s usually an additional claim cost, which can be anywhere between $5,000–$8,000. Assuming that the cost averages out to $5,000, the total claim is now $12,000. While we managed to help our customer with her plumbing problems, we weren’t able to help lower the costs that she faced. My advice to you would be to check your washer box hoses every few years, you’ll save yourself a lot of future troubles.
One morning, a customer of ours woke to find that her house had been completely flooded. A few inches of water covered her floor, soaking into the furniture and ruining the flooring, while lighter objects had already begun to float away. The flooding, she found out, was due to a burst in her washer box hose. Many homeowners don’t think about turning off the water lines to their washer and keep them open all day, every day. But if the water lines are left open when that hose breaks, it can lead to a home disaster. Our client’s flooding is a perfect example of this. A lot of the cheaper hoses will swell up over time, and new washers tend to pulsate which can cause the machine to hammer against
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Jeffisms Points to Ponder— or Not I have figured out the life cycle of people reacting to my “evergreen material” (aka worn-out jokes). The thought process must go something like this.
It’s a Bird! It’s a Plane! It’s …Mr. Friese!
Topic: My joke about Louie’s other name, The Stray.
Month 1: Jeff is funny.
Months 2–7: Jeff is dumb and not funny.
Beyond Month 7: Jeff is probably not that dumb, but he’s not funny either. He is just persistent in telling the same, worn-out joke.
In the last issue, we introduced you to our tenured Eagle Scout, Brian K. Now meet our resident comic- book hero, Mr. Friese!
Here are five fast facts about your next favorite gentleman plumber.
Here’s to persistence! Keep reading for more jokes I carry around in my quiver.
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He shares his full name with DC Comics’ “Batman” villain, Mr. Freeze!
Question: What did the monkey say when he got his tail stuck in the lawn mower?
2. He was given the nickname “Freeze Frame” years ago by our fearless leader Jeff Longspaugh, and it really stuck. Everyone on ClearWater campus knows him by this catchy moniker. 3. Freeze Frame’s best friend for the past 23 years and counting is none other than his wife. He didn’t even have to think twice about it. Together, they have not only shared all of the happiest moments of his life but also weathered all of the hardest ones — and he wouldn’t have it any other way. Mr. Friese most enjoys spending his solitary time sharing his humor with the missus, and they often enjoy people-watching on walks together. 5. When faced with that infamous ClearWater interview question, “If you were a car, what would you be and why?” Freeze Frame really seemed to appreciate the idea of being a teal and white ‘64 VW Bus with all the miles, scratches, and dents of a road well-traveled and not one adventure passed on or taken for granted.
Answer: Well, it won’t be long now! (It’s all in the delivery.)
Question: Do you know why they’re called reindeer and not snowdeer?
Answer: They’re tethered to a rein.
Did you know I used to work at a grocery store over 25 years ago? Did you know I used to work at a barbecue joint 30 years ago? Did you know I used to work at a shoe store? Actually, I never did, but I’ve been telling my daughters that for 10 years because I like to tie their shoes. This Jeffism is a special one I like to save for immediate family only. The casual bystander would think me a total fool for uttering this in public. I know it’s terrible, but it is so terrible that it’s funny!
4.
When my daughters use the word “hot,” there’s a good chance I will follow with: “Like your dad in a swimsuit!”
My 12-year-old daughter, Izabel “The Decent One” Longspaugh, punches me as hard as she can when I deliver the punchline. She’s over the joke. Her punches are getting more forceful and harder to defend, so I’ve been backing off. That’s probably a good thing. I think this joke will reach maximum effectiveness when I’m in my mid-80s. Dads, give this one a try!
Those of us who are lucky enough to work with him every day couldn’t agree more.
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6954 Boat Club Rd. Fort Worth, TX, 76179 817-296-0670
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ClearWater Plumbers
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‘The Stray’
Streaming Services Perfect for Your Family
Tips and Tricks
3
Jeffisms
Who’s Your Plumber
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‘The Stray’
The Stray
It’s my pleasure to introduce you to the creature hanging around ClearWater Plumbers Village for about eight months now. I call him “The Stray,” “the stray dog,” or “that dog who looks like Captain but isn’t Captain.” Sometimes, I like to joke with the team, “Hey, there’s a stray dog wandering around the shop this morning, so please be careful! Don’t feed or pet him. We don’t want him getting the impression that he’s welcome here.” That sounds terrible, right? I know what you’re probably thinking: “He looks so stinking sweet! How could you be so cold, Jeff?” Well, unfortunately for my friends and family working here, I sometimes get in a zone where I think I’m being funny, and I must like to hear myself talk. I have a tendency to wear out all my trusty jokes, witty lines, and Jeffisms. Find out more about The Stray in our cover article and about Jeffisms on Page 3!
The Stray
Captain
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