Jeffisms Points to Ponder— or Not I have figured out the life cycle of people reacting to my “evergreen material” (aka worn-out jokes). The thought process must go something like this.
It’s a Bird! It’s a Plane! It’s …Mr. Friese!
Topic: My joke about Louie’s other name, The Stray.
Month 1: Jeff is funny.
Months 2–7: Jeff is dumb and not funny.
Beyond Month 7: Jeff is probably not that dumb, but he’s not funny either. He is just persistent in telling the same, worn-out joke.
In the last issue, we introduced you to our tenured Eagle Scout, Brian K. Now meet our resident comic- book hero, Mr. Friese!
Here are five fast facts about your next favorite gentleman plumber.
Here’s to persistence! Keep reading for more jokes I carry around in my quiver.
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He shares his full name with DC Comics’ “Batman” villain, Mr. Freeze!
Question: What did the monkey say when he got his tail stuck in the lawn mower?
2. He was given the nickname “Freeze Frame” years ago by our fearless leader Jeff Longspaugh, and it really stuck. Everyone on ClearWater campus knows him by this catchy moniker. 3. Freeze Frame’s best friend for the past 23 years and counting is none other than his wife. He didn’t even have to think twice about it. Together, they have not only shared all of the happiest moments of his life but also weathered all of the hardest ones — and he wouldn’t have it any other way. Mr. Friese most enjoys spending his solitary time sharing his humor with the missus, and they often enjoy people-watching on walks together. 5. When faced with that infamous ClearWater interview question, “If you were a car, what would you be and why?” Freeze Frame really seemed to appreciate the idea of being a teal and white ‘64 VW Bus with all the miles, scratches, and dents of a road well-traveled and not one adventure passed on or taken for granted.
Answer: Well, it won’t be long now! (It’s all in the delivery.)
Question: Do you know why they’re called reindeer and not snowdeer?
Answer: They’re tethered to a rein.
Did you know I used to work at a grocery store over 25 years ago? Did you know I used to work at a barbecue joint 30 years ago? Did you know I used to work at a shoe store? Actually, I never did, but I’ve been telling my daughters that for 10 years because I like to tie their shoes. This Jeffism is a special one I like to save for immediate family only. The casual bystander would think me a total fool for uttering this in public. I know it’s terrible, but it is so terrible that it’s funny!
4.
When my daughters use the word “hot,” there’s a good chance I will follow with: “Like your dad in a swimsuit!”
My 12-year-old daughter, Izabel “The Decent One” Longspaugh, punches me as hard as she can when I deliver the punchline. She’s over the joke. Her punches are getting more forceful and harder to defend, so I’ve been backing off. That’s probably a good thing. I think this joke will reach maximum effectiveness when I’m in my mid-80s. Dads, give this one a try!
Those of us who are lucky enough to work with him every day couldn’t agree more.
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