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HOW TO BREAK FREE FROM CONFLICT AND HURT The Art of Not Taking Others’ Words to Heart THE LEGAL NAVIGATOR NOVEMBER 2023
Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words can hurt worst of all. We all have experienced cutting remarks that have stuck with us through the years, but when we take others’ comments personally, it negatively impacts our mental health. Learning to let go and realize when someone else’s actions aren’t about me has helped me live a freer and happier life. People who take things too personally can react in various ways. Some become people-pleasers and overapologize. Others become angry and defensive or hold grudges and seek revenge. These reactions aren’t healthy responses to most situations, and they tend to make us more miserable after the fact. Many psychologists believe how we respond to someone else’s negativity, attack, or slight says more about us than the person we think did us wrong. Ultimately, we can’t control how other people treat us, but we can control how we respond to their behavior. And our reactions say a lot about our perspective. Attorney, author, and public speaker Jefferson Fisher argues that how personally we take things directly corresponds to how much we give others grace. People who tend to see the good in others and forgive easily generally internalize other people’s behaviors less. Those of us who expect the worst in people feel that others’ actions are targeted at us. If you fall into the latter category, it’s time to adjust your perception. You may meet people in your life who are genuinely out to get you, but they’re probably few and far between. Most decisions other people make are about them, not you. Think about times you’ve offended or hurt others — in most cases, it probably wasn’t your intention. Other people are just like you. When you feel wronged by someone, experts urge you to look at the situation from another perspective. Say your feelings are hurt when you wave at a neighbor, and they don’t wave back. You might think they’re inconsiderate or trying to convey they don’t like you. But they also may not have seen you or might have been lost in thought. Alternatively, they could have been having a bad day and felt antisocial.
If that strategy is unsuccessful, psychologist Ethan Kross urges us to consider the situation from a third-person point of view. Replace yourself in the story with a friend, and imagine they’re telling you about it. Research shows it makes the issue less emotional, and you’re less likely to see it as a matter of ill will.
That’s not to say I let everything roll off my back. Confrontation can be graceful and purposeful. Depending on the circumstances, I might ask a person if they’re okay or whether I’ve done something to offend them. Or I might calmly and factually point out their behavior. Saying, “You just rolled your eyes at me” or “You’re raising your voice” is surprisingly effective at eliciting self-reflection in others. There are also personal circumstances where I might tell someone, “When you do X, it makes me feel like Y.” Explaining your feelings without assigning intentions to the other person’s actions can be a great way to start a conversation. This strategy is beneficial for spouses, family members, and close friends. Learning to engage with others and be more understanding has been challenging, but I’ve found the rewards well worth the effort.
My life feels much more harmonious when I’m not stewing about a perceived slight or exacerbating conflict. Best of all, I have much more mental energy for the things that matter.
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Your Phone’s Hidden Sleep Solution
How to Activate Its White Noise Feature Falling asleep is often easier said than done. While we might feel exhausted when crawling into bed, that doesn’t always translate to drifting off quickly. This frustrating problem can be due to
smartphone, you already have it! iPhone and Android users have built-in features that create white noise, so the only thing standing between you and a peaceful night’s sleep is turning it on. Here’s how.
For iPhone Users: 1. Open your Settings. 2. Tap on “Accessibility.” 3. Select “Audio/Visual.” 4. Tap on “Background Sounds.” 5. Switch the “Background Sounds” option to “On.”
many things like racing thoughts, caffeine consumption too late in the day, or nearby noises that keep us awake. If your sleeping problems result from the last item on that list, white noise can help. According to the Sleep Foundation, white noise is “a noise that contains all frequencies across the spectrum of audible sound in equal measure.” Due to its unique sound, it’s been proven to “reduce crying in infants, improve work performance, potentially counteract symptoms of attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), and help people sleep.” Scientists aren’t exactly sure how white noise does all of these things, but their best guess is that since it contains the sounds of all frequencies equally, it does an excellent job of masking any background noises behind it — like, for example, your neighbor’s stereo system, passing cars, or whatever else is going on around you when you’re trying to drift off. So, you’re probably wondering how or where you can acquire this magical “white noise.” You’ll be happy to learn that if you own a
6. Choose from the selections of background noises. The default sound will be “Rain,” but if you click on “Sound,”
you can select “Balanced Noise,” which is Apple’s name for white noise.
For Android Users: 1. Ask your Digital Assistant to “play white noise.” (You can do this by holding the Home button or saying, “Hey, Google” before “play white noise.”) And that’s it! If you try simple white noise and find it isn’t your thing, both iPhones and Androids have many options. If you have an iPhone, you’ll see the other options when you select “Balanced Noise,” but if you have an Android, you can ask your Assistant, “What are your ambient sound options?” Sweet dreams!
How the Wealthiest Man You Don’t Know Made His Fortune
THE PRESTIGE BRAND SUCCESS OF BERNARD ARNAULT
We live in an age where billionaires are celebrities, with Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos, Bill Gates, and Mark Zuckerberg regularly making headlines. But the man Forbes named the wealthiest person in the world in 2023 has mostly flown under the radar. So, who is Bernard Arnault, and how did he make his money?
His next move was to acquire Louis Vuitton Moët Hennessy, which owned Dior’s prior perfume division. He completed a hostile takeover, which became his go-to strategy. Over the years, he continued buying struggling brands and rebuilding them into luxury goods empires. On top of his business acumen, experts have also credited Arnault with an eye for design and fresh talent. He has successfully brought new ideas into his companies and secured substantial media buzz. Expanding into Japan and China also proved wise, as Asia is now the company’s biggest market. Arnault appears equally adept at retaining his wealth. His five children have close ties to the business, and the family owns a 48% stake in LVMH, intending to maintain control for the long haul. Others note that Arnault contributes much less to charity than many other billionaires, a move that may have helped his wealth accumulate. Since the Forbes ranking, Elon Musk has reclaimed his title as the world’s richest person, but Arnault sits comfortably in second place. His large portfolio and ruthless business tactics almost guarantee he won’t be strapped for cash soon.
Today, Arnault is the CEO of French luxury goods conglomerate LVMH, which owns brands like Louis Vuitton, Dom Pérignon, Tiffany & Co., and Dior. But the 74-year-old began his career in real estate when he joined his father’s successful company. He moved to the U.S. to expand his father’s empire but soon returned to France, bringing cutthroat Wall Street tactics with him.
Arnault purchased his first luxury brand, Christian Dior, in 1984 while it was struggling financially. Reports indicate he may have used millions of his father’s money to finance the deal. After the acquisition, Arnault fired over 9,000 workers and sold off most of the company’s smaller labels, retaining only Dior. These strategies quickly earned him the notorious nickname “The Terminator,” but the floundering Dior became profitable again in 1989.
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Since the beginning of time, cities, states, countries, and other groups have developed laws to provide structure for their citizens. Many laws of the past are now completely outdated, but they’re still technically legitimate laws! Here are three of the oddest laws still on the books today. Forks and knives are prohibited! In 1961, Gainesville, Georgia, passed a law that made eating fried chicken with anything other than your hands illegal. The ordinance was a publicity stunt to advertise Gainesville as the poultry capital of the world. Although the rule isn’t taken literally and is hardly enforced, 91-year-old Ginny Dietrick received a citation for eating fried chicken with a fork and knife in 2009. The practical joke made everyone in the restaurant, including Ginny, laugh and play along. Ginny’s punishment for breaking the law was that she could not leave her table until she mastered the proper way of eating Southern fried chicken. You must have a permit to set up a lemonade stand. At least once in your life, you’ve either seen or operated a lemonade stand. This longstanding rite of passage teaches kids the value of working hard to earn their own money, so how could this simple tradition be considered illegal? In many cities nationwide, lemonade stands are treated like any other small business — if your child is making money by selling food or beverages, they must abide by food safety regulations and have a business permit or license. Only 14 states don’t require permits for kids to set up lemonade stands! TAKE A BREAK YOU COULD GET ARRESTED FOR WHAT?! 3 Bizarre Laws That Still Exist
Fortunetelling is only allowed in health care and religious facilities. Many cities worldwide have small businesses that provide services in fortunetelling, astrology, palm readings, tarot cards, evil spirit removal, and other New Age practices. In New Orleans, however, it’s illegal for a business to provide these kinds of services unless you’re in a health care profession or a place of religious worship. Remember, laws are still laws, no matter how silly they are, so do some research online to see if your city has any bizarre mandates you could be breaking right now!
Tasty Apple Pie
Ingredients
• 2 9-inch unbaked pie crusts • 6 cups thinly sliced peeled apples • 1 tsp cinnamon
• 3/4 cup granulated sugar • 2 tbsp all-purpose flour • 2 tbsp butter
Directions
1. Preheat oven to 425 F. 2. Place 1 pie crust in a 9-inch pie plate.
3. In a large bowl, combine apples, cinnamon, sugar, and flour. 4. Spoon mixture into pastry-lined pie plate and dot with butter. 5. Cut remaining crust into 1/2-inch-wide strips, then arrange strips in a lattice design over top of pie. 6. Trim, seal, and flute edges. 7. Bake for 35 minutes or until crust is golden brown and filling is bubbly.
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INSIDE THIS ISSUE
The Grace of Letting Go: How to Not Take Things Personally
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You Need a Permit for a Lemonade Stand? Tasty Apple Pie The Ultimate Sleep Aid Is in Your Pocket How Low-Key Billionaire Bernard Arnault Made His Fortune
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The Heroic Hound Who Saved a Life in Japan’s Tsunami
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A Dog’s Intuition: How Babu Saved Her Human From a Tsunami
The tsunami that struck Japan in March 2011 was unimaginable; the natural disaster killed nearly 20,000 people in minutes. But amid the chaos, there was at least one tiny miracle: an 11-year-old Shih Tzu named Babu. Tami Akanuma, an 83-year-old woman living in the coastal city of Miyako, had her typical morning interrupted by a 9.0 earthquake that shook her house roughly 200 yards from the coast. When it stopped, she breathed a sigh of relief, but Babu became extremely agitated. The small dog began frantically pacing around the living room, moaning, and jumping at the door. Though it was early for Babu’s morning walk, Akanuma decided to appease her. Sources differ on what happened next. Some say officials broadcast a tsunami warning, and Akanuma realized she must evacuate, while others state she knew nothing of the impending disaster. But
everyone agrees that Babu jumped into action. She instantly headed for a large hill near Akanuma’s home — the opposite direction of the pair’s usual walk. Akanuma did not dismiss the dog’s instincts. Babu tugged urgently at her leash, running as far as she could before turning to her owner. Akanuma said Babu seemed to be encouraging her to move faster, and the dog ran ahead every time Akanuma caught up. Akanuma later estimated they walked more than half a mile in a few minutes. Only moments after the duo finally reached the top of the hill, they watched an enormous wave wash over their home. The house was destroyed, but Akanuma and Babu escaped with their lives. How did Babu do it? People have long suspected that animals can predict natural
disasters, but the truth is elusive. Scientists agree that animals aren’t psychic but disagree on whether something else might be at play. Some attribute the supposed phenomenon to the “psychological focusing effect,” or a human tendency to emphasize one detail in our memories while discarding others. But others point to dogs’ heightened senses of hearing and smell, suggesting animals may be able to detect small atmospheric changes that humans can’t. No matter the explanation, Akanuma credited her dog with saving her life, and the two gratefully celebrated Babu’s 12th birthday from an evacuation shelter only weeks later.
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