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BE A BETTER LISTENER FOR SOMEONE WHO NEEDS TO ‘GET IT ALL OUT’ It’s not always easy to share feelings of frustration, anger, sadness, or other strong emotions — but it’s healthy to share them. Sometimes, we need to vent and get it all out. Venting gives us an opportunity to release these emotions, which often leads to mental clarity. However, when someone comes to you to vent and share their heavy emotional burden, listening can be just as challenging as sharing. You want to be supportive, but you don’t want to interfere. Strong feelings and tough situations may be involved. What can you do to be the listener they really need? It starts with your body language. Open yourself to their emotional needs. Gregorio Billikopf, an interpersonal relationship expert at the University of California, Berkeley says if you begin the conversation standing, invite the person to have a seat with you. Another thing you can do as a listener is position yourself below their eye line. This puts the person venting in a more active “storyteller” position and you in a better “listener” position. While in this position, maintain eye contact. It’s okay to look down or away occasionally, but try to keep steady eye contact. Billikopf also notes that, as a listener, it’s important to avoid interjecting. Don’t offer input, suggestions, or guidance to the person venting until after the person has had the chance to get it all out. “During this venting process, there is still too much pressure for a person to consider other perspectives,” Billikopf says.
After a fun-filled winter day outside with your loved ones, there’s no better way to relax than with a cup of hot cocoa and a great book. As you settle on the couch or in bed for some light reading, be sure to check out one of these late-in-life planning books. You get to relax while continuing
your planning journey. (And we promise they’re not full of jargon!) ‘Your American Legacy’ by Stan Miller At Trinity Elder Law, we believe in the guiding principle behind Stan Miller’s “Your American Legacy: Powerful Strategies That Instill Lasting Values for Generations.” Your life and what you leave behind is about so much more than the
money and assets you have to your name. It’s also about the knowledge you’ve built up over the years, the heirlooms you treasure, and the family stories and traditions you pass down to future generations. In this book, Miller offers readers suggestions for leaving a legacy that’s both monetary and sentimentally valuable.
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While you don’t want to interject, you do want to be an active listener. This means you don’t want to be completely silent. This is where “reflective
listening” comes in. Occasionally repeat what the speaker says — but don’t use their exact phrasing. Reword slightly in a sympathetic manner. Don’t spin their words or mistakenly interject an opinion, as it may not be the opinion they’re interested in hearing. Alternatively, listening cues like “mm” or “hm” and nods are always welcome. One last thing to keep in mind: You do not need to offer a solution to the person’s problem or concerns. They may just be venting to get their negative emotions out, not looking for answers or explanations. If they are looking for answers or guidance, wait for them to ask. In the meantime, lend your ear and let them know you’re there for them going forward.
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