Another what-took-you-so-long American invention is crash test dummies. What were they using before that? I doubt in their wildest dreams the inventors ever thought they’d see one in Congress, but why not? And, of course, the most American invention of them all – the Global Positioning System (GPS). We will never again have to stop and ask for directions. One could go on for pages on the contributions, great and small, Americans have made to the universe of stuff. But it would be chauvinistic, perhaps even nationalistic, to do that without also acknowledging the innovations and expertise of the other nations and cultures who have made so many amazing things while somehow never landing men on the moon. Six times. But thank you, France, for the mayonnaise. Americans have been killing it in the Department of Making Things for its entire tenure, but we’re by no means alone or even always out front in these modern, global times. A lot of the stuff we make we make in other places, and a lot of other places make their stuff here. But what America has that these other places don’t have is a society of “putterers.” (Does French or Russian or Mandarin even have a word for “putter”?) Americans can’t help but putter. We putter in our garages, and basements, and backyards. Armed with an arsenal of tools made in China and affordably priced at box stores strategically placed every six miles across the U.S., Americans are busy making things. A cannon that can shoot a watermelon through a car, or mid-sized city – no one’s really sure
Ben Franklin is also responsible for the all- American consumer tool, the mail-order catalog. (Amazon owes him royalties.) He came up with the lightning rod, bifocals, and the flexible urinary catheter – in that order. You can mark “Poor Richard’s” life challenges by his innovations: First, his aging feet start getting cold – wood stove. Gets tired of going out and dealing with the idiots on the streets of Philadelphia – mail order. Keeps sitting on his reading glasses – bifocals. Alexander Hamilton’s cursed central bank – lightning rod. [Fill in your guess] – flexible urinary catheter. Americans are also problem solvers. Thomas Jefferson invented the swivel chair so he could begin spinning in his grave over what we were going to do to the government he helped create before he was even dead. Like the Apollo program, we make things to solve problems we don’t have. Truck nuts, for example, and video games. And we make many things to solve problems we do have: Chemotherapy, dental floss, cardiac defibrillators, hearing aids, and traffic lights. Granted, our innovators are not always pulling in the same direction. Americans invented radiocarbon dating and the Creation Museum. We also discovered that science could be invalidated simply by not believing it. That innovation will literally change the world. Speaking of the End of Days, Americans claim the invention of mobile phones, personal computers, the Internet, and e-mail. We also invented light-emitting diodes (LEDs) so we could see all of that stuff charging in the bedroom.
American Consequences
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