And, unlike the country, you’ve got fresh air and sunshine without your only friend being Lassie, who has to rescue you from a well every week. (I know about these things. We raised our kids in the country and, lacking a collie with a Mensa IQ, had to do it ourselves standing on the back steps yelling, “Get the @#$% out of the well!”) In the suburbs, you’ve got fresh air and sunshine without your only friend being Lassie, who has to rescue you from a well every week. My only worry about suburban sprawl is that Internet shopping will drive malls out of business. Without malls where will suburban kids hang out? (Kids hate fresh air and sunshine.) Malls are good places for kids... compared with the Internet. There are no “Alt Right” shops at the mall. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez doesn’t have a retail outlet where she sells socialism to young people. The “messaging” at malls is inclusive and all about good old- fashioned capitalism. There’s no porn at the mall, if you don’t count Abercrombie & Fitch shopping bags. There’s not much that’s truly loathsome, unless you hate the Marvel superhero movies at the Cineplex as much as I do. At the mall the scope of evil is pretty much limited to shoplifting, which is bad, but, according to
You’d have no idea you were in New England unless you happened to catch sight of the leaves turning orange in the fall on the couple of sickly maples that Target has planted in its parking lot islands. You could be anyplace – Los Angeles, Phoenix, Orlando. This cuts down greatly on travel expenses. No need to take a flight to Los Angeles, Phoenix, or Orlando. What’s so bad about suburban sprawl being so much alike? People are alike. They should be treated the same no matter their gender, sexual preference, race, ethnicity, or religion. So why is it a bad thing when people act alike? And what’s wrong with them being treated the same at the same big box stores, gas stations, franchise restaurants, car dealerships, vape shops, nail salons, and hairdressing establishments? Yes, Suburban sprawl is ugly... Or is it ? I’ve been to Venice, Italy. A great beauty spot, I’m told. All I saw in St. Mark’s Square was a waving field of selfie sticks from 10,000 Chinese tourists. The sickly maples in the Target parking lot are attractive by comparison. And just try parking in Venice. There are limits to the off-road capabilities of even the best SUV. Bring your snorkel. (And get a tetanus shot.) Parking is easy in the suburbs. Everything is easy in the suburbs. It’s the best place to grow up. You’ve got lots of other kids to play with (unless their parents have been feeding them to wolves) and, unlike the city, you’ve got places to play where you aren’t constantly being run over by Uber drivers.
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July 2019
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