King's Business - 1965-06

Dr. Narramore, graduate of Columbia University, New York City, It a nationally known psychologist. He b the director of one of America's

largest psychological clinics— The Christian Counseling center in Pasadena, California.

and develop and become mature. That is, unless you prefer to com­ pete with him. If you do, you’re on your own. Your responsibility is to bring out the best in your husband. You can be assured, too, that you are not the first wife who has helped her husband to grow up. Every honest husband will admit that, in one way or another, his wife has encour­ aged him to see things more ma­ turely. No woman ever gets a ready-made husband. She picks him for better or for worse with all that this im­ plies, and it is her assignment to make him better, not worse. Here are several things you can do to help your husband become more mature: First, encourage him to talk. Com­ munication does wonderful things for people. It keeps them from bot­ tling up their thoughts, and helps them to make better judgments. Arguing, on the other hand, causes an immature husband to become more defensive. So, if you want your husband to-become more mature, en­ courage him to talk. Next, lead him into the paths of spirituality, so that he can develop into a man of God. Men are human beings—that means spiritual beings, and as such, they need spiritual help. Some men are so immature that they need professional counsel. You should consider this in your hus­ band’s case. Many people have per­ sonality disturbances that respond well to therapy. Also, let him see maturity personi­ fied in you. In other words, if you become a more mature person your­ self, this will rub off onto your hus­ band, and he will become more ma­ ture. What will be the result of your offering your husband an example of maturity? You will not only help him to become more mature, but you yourself will become more thought­ ful and happy.

cope with it? None of MY emotional or p h y s i c a l n e ed s are met, of course. He is living in his own selfish world. A . You have put your finger on one of the most frequent problems about which Christian women write to our office. Each morning when we pick up our mail at the Post Office, we can be sure that a portion o f the letters will present this problem. I once heard a lady say, “All men are immature, but some of them are dreadfully so.” I am sure most men would take exception, to this, but whether it is true or not, the prob­ lem of immaturity is a common one, and it is not limited to either sex. We like to think that as we grow older, we become more mature, but this, of course, does not always hap­ pen. Steps to maturity lead through certain processes and insights. These may come remarkably early, or even late in life. And some people seem to be able to sidestep them completely. So, at eighteen or eighty, a husband may be a mature, wise person, who is able to see the big picture. But this husband may be immature, much like a child who only sees the close-ups of life. Ordinarily, a woman’s role as a wife and mother brings to her some marks o f maturity. Giving birth to a child, consulting medical specialists, caring for and guiding your lives, adjusting to a mate—all of these ex­ periences tend to help a woman leave the land of make-believe and to set­ tle down in the land of reality. But maturity is not reserved only for women who marry. An unmarried woman may also have the marks of a mature person. Remaining single, choosing a vocation, regulating her own life — these help a woman to walk far down the road to maturity. As a wife, you do have the privi­ lege of helping your husband to grow

SEVERE PUN ISHM EN T Q. What happens to a boy six years of age whose parents, especially his father, always punish him severely? H.e is a very bright child but is afraid of his dad. A . Such treatment is usually an in­ dication of a maladjustment on the part of the parent who punishes severely. In other words, he is prob­ ably taking his maladjustment out on his own child.. This is regrettable because it prevents a youngster from developing into a fine, wholesome adult who has a positive outlook on life. Severe punishment causes children to lose confidence in their parents so that the parents cannot have the good influence on them that they should. Furthermore, it w ill probably cause the child to lose confidence in himself. People develop confidence by being successful and being recog­ nized by adults, especially their par­ ents. A child who is whipped too much will soon learn that he is not loved and appreciated. Of course the home is a place of habit formation and children do need definite boundaries and consistent, sensible discipline. However, parents are sometimes apt to follow the Biblical instruction o f “children obey your parents” but completely forget God’s teaching, “parents provoke not your children to wrath.” Certainly the two go together and provide a fine balance in raising children. HOW DO YO U TR E A T A N IM M A TUR E HUSBAND? Q. How do you resolve a reaction within yourself to a husband who is emotionally immature and feels in­ ferior and is contentious and stub­ born? You can’t let him know these things, o f course. But how do you



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