The Sentry: Volume 06, Issue 14

Best Worst Edition!

Pg. 6: Worst fashion decision

Pg. 13: The ultimate tater showdown!

Pg. 15: Best places to get Covid-19.

of 2020? Not wearing a mask.

NEWEPISODEOUTNOW!

Weknowyoudidn’taskforit,buthereweare. availableoncu-sentry.com

CONTENTS

DECEMBER 02 - JANUARY 26

L I S T E N T O O U R M I D - S E A S O N F I N A L E E P I S O D E !

VOLUME: 06 ISSUE: 14

CONTENTS

Taelar Pollmann

COVER

Forum

PAGE 04

News

PAGE 05

Photobooth

PAGE 08

Leisure

PAGE 10

Noise STAFF

PAGE 13

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF

Alexander Elmore alexander.elmore@ucdenver.edu

I l lust rat ion: Alex Sta l l swor th · The Sent ry CLICK THE PHOTO ABOVE TO LISTEN THE FINAL FALL 2020 SEMESTER EPISODE OF THE SENTRY PODCAST .

MANAGING & FORUM EDITOR

Kaia Stallings kaia.stallings@ucdenver.edu

F R OM T H E E D I T O R

WH Y D O WE R A N K T H I N G S ?

NEWS EDITOR

Lorraine Kelly lorraine.kelly@ucdenver.edu

LEISURE EDITOR

Amanda Blackman amanda.blackman@ucdenver. edu Kennedy Erhart kennedy.erhart@ucdenver.edu

provides order. Creating my own lists helps me to process information, figure out what I like, etc. I can evaluate my year in part by how hard or easy it is for me to create a top ten films of the year list. I can likely discern what has influenced me over my life by cre - ating rankings of guilty pleasures and my favorites of the decade in which I did most of my growing up. If I can look at a list of titles, why I am the way I am or why I want to the make the type of art I do all just seem to make more sense. As you read through this final issue of the Fall 2020 semester, I invite you to reflect on this crazy, hell-hole of a year. While per- haps there are a number of things youdidn’t enjoy about the last eleven months, hope- fully there are a few things you did. If you need a pointer to get into the right mindset of thankfulness and positive reflection, I recommend either our Leisure or News Editors’ columns. As the rest of our staff has done in the entire paper (and not just the Forum and

Etc sections) this issue, might I offer my opinion of a few of my best moments from this year. In 2020, I: got a new movie from my favorite director ( Tenet , dir. Christopher Nolan). Two of my all-time favorite artists released their best albums to date ( Manic and folklore ). I reconnected with a friend I hadn’t talked to in almost a year (you know who you are). In a few weeks my sister, who I haven’t seen in almost a year, will be returning to America. Right around the same time, I’ll be celebrating one year of dating my boyfriend. I turned 21 (on the day the US lockdown started). I found my political voice I’d been searching for and got to participate in a general election for the first time ever. I’m directing a senior thesis film ( GroceryStore Flowers , coming 2021-ish). And I’ve gotten to be Editor-in-Chief of this paper for an entire semester (which has been a goal for three years). So, maybe not everything is garbage this year.

NOISE EDITOR

DESIGN EDITOR

Alex Stallsworth alex.stallsworth@ucdenver.edu

PHOTOGRAPHY EDITOR

John Mazzetta john.mazzetta@ucdenver.edu

ALEXANDER ELMORE

I like to rank things. I make end of year lists about my favorite mov- ies and songs. I have a list of every Christopher Nolan film ranked. I’ve also compiled the best films of various genres and decades of release, and even have spe- cific lists like “best movies set in a single location” or “best songs by drag queens.” So, yeah, I like making lists and ranking. To get philosophical about it, because what else am I supposed to do, I would say that I like lists and ranking because it

COPY EDITORS

Isaiah Mancha isaiah.mancha@ucdenver.edu

Trevor Leach trevor.leach@ucdenver.edu

PHOTOGRAPHERS

Nicholas Dimond, Jonathan Enssle, Victoria Moffat, Benjamin Neufeld, Taelar Pollmann, Aman Tewolde Jeremiah Blackman, Tommy Clift, Ahmad Dabbas, Sang "Wyatt" Dao, Aarti Dureja, Jonathan Enssel, Taylor “Kat” Goodman, Benjamin Neufeld, Lionel Mendonsa, Victoria Moffat, Danae Rodriguez, Gillian Russo, Frankie Spiller, Owen Gutherie Swallow, Aman Tewolde Coleman Conley, Tatianna Dubose, Taylor “Kat” Goodman, Rigby Guerrerro, April Kinney,, Mazie Neill, Owen Guthrie Swallow

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Love us? Hate us? Write us. Send your com- ments, questions, and howls of grief to alexander. elmore@ucdenver.edu with “Letter to the Editor” in the subject line. The Sentry editors strive to print factually true and conceptually correct information. That being said, mistakes do occur. Please email alexander.elmore@ucdenver.edu if you spot any errors. The Sentry is a publication for and by the students of CU Denver and is paid for by student fees and advertising revenue. The Sentry is published every Wednesday during the academic year and is distributed digitally to the Auraria Campus and the greater Denver metropolitan area.

Pitch meetings are currently closed to the general public due to COVID-19; however, story ideas can be submitted by visiting our website and clicking the "Submit a Story Idea" tab. To otherwise get involved with The Sentry, be sure to check for updates on our social media or send a friendly email to alexander.elmore@ucdenver.edu.

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FACULTY ADVISER

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FORUM

The Sent ry

BEST T IKTOKERS

T hrough all of the madness of 2020, many people turned to TikTok for some formof short- lived entertainment to escape from all things happening in the world. That being said, the apparent popu- larity contest culture that comes out of the daily praises for creators like Charli and Dixie D’Amelio or Addi- son Rae can be a major turn-off for those looking into the app. Here are some underrated TikTok creators for any audience: @ungatoloco Who doesn’t love cats? And who doesn’t love raunchy card games like Cards Against Humanity? Creator Nick Miskie creates almost daily videos with his cat Noelle playing games like Cards Against Human- ity, Over-Rated, and New Phone, Who Dis? Making for some hilari- ous and unplanned responses from Noelle’s card picks. This creator is underrated fun, sure to brighten anyone’s day. @mjudsonberry Michael Judson Berry has united two quarantine pastimes into one app: the love of TikTok and the newfound love of Schitt’s Creek . With impressions of Moira Rose (yes, with the wigs) and the FROM PHYSICS TO CARD GAMES by Kennedy Erhart

KAIA STALLINGS

W ow I can’t believe the se- mester is almost over. I would love to sit and reflect all of the things that I’ve learned about myself since the start of the pan- demic, or even just this semester but...I just can’t. I feel like I ha- ven’t learned much, really. If any- thing, I learned how awful I am at time management and keep- ing a grip on my mental health. I guess that’s something, if you’re aware of something then you can fix it. Or at least that’s how easy it seems. I will say that I was able to do some pretty cool things this semester. If it wasn’t for The Sen- try, I would’ve never gotten to in- terview Declan McKenna. I still hold that really close to my heart.I wasn’t expecting that this year at all. I hope in the future I get more opprotunities to sit down and have a conversation with other fa- mous artists. I’m really hopeful that next semester will be better than this one. Maybe I’ll be able to safely return to Denver, maybe not. Ei- ther way I’m so ready for this year to be over. It has charted the top of my list as the worst year ever and until something else comes along to knock it down, it will remain number one. THROUGH THE WAVES The end.

I l lust rat ion: Tat i Dubose · The Sent ry

TIRED OF WATCHING PEOPLE DO THE SAME DANCES? THAT’S OKAY.

occasional impersonation of other characters on the show, Berry has been able to bring his own spin on the show to minute-long videos relating to things happening all around with his #quaranteatime. @olsennchris and@ianpaget_ TikTok’s favorite couple couldn’t go unmentioned here.While the two creators have a bit of a larger follow- ing than the other two mentioned, they’re sure to bring wholesome vibes to the “For You Page” anytime they release a new video. Couple pranks, dance challenges, self-love education, and more; this couple are the perfect creators for anyone needing some good vibes in their day. @sutherlandphys Another creator with a bit of a

larger following, Chris Sutherland, a physics professor at USC will certainly make any student or other professor laugh with his college education-related videos. Most videos by this creator often have to do with the suffering of student’s at the hands of professors or the edu- cation system, but done in a way to feel relatable and equally hilarious. @julianburzynski Wigs, mustaches, film costume recreations, and hilarious reen- actments of classic films are Julian Burzynski’s specialty on TikTok. Burzynski has recreated some of the best scenes from classic mov- ies and TV Shows like Mean Girls, Pretty Woman, Gossip Girl, and Grey’s Anatomy. Even recruiting his par- ents for some of these recreations,

Burzynski goes to every length to reenact these iconic scenes as accu- rately as possible. @sageyweebs Music fans and musicians can rejoice, this TikTok creator’s videos are full of drum covers that could bring joy to anyone’s ears. As a drummer for the band Point North, Weeber uses his talent to bring nostalgia to life with covers of songs new and old from artists like Blink 182, My Chemical Romance, Paramore, The Jonas Brothers, and just about any other artist one could dream of. For any fans of drum solos, this is the quintessential account for non-stop solos.

MOST BINGEWORTHY ANIME

THE BEST ANIME OF THIS YEAR by Danae Rodriguez

A nime has become increas- ingly more popular to a new generation of fans that are looking for bold animation styles and storytelling. Fans both new and old have always been supportive and favored classics like Dragon Ball Z and Sailor Moon . As the years have gone by, new series have been intro- duced and have not disappointed, especially in 2020. Here are some of the best new anime series and seasons that were released in 2020. 1. A great series that was released on Netflix is called Great Pretender . The story follows the journey of Makoto Edamura who is one of the best scam artists in Japan. Edamura teams up with a next level crook, Laurent Thierry, as they work together on world-class scams. The plot is like a mystery where every- thing moves fast. The animation is impressive and so are most of the character arcs. 2. The Korean Manhwa called Tower of God , follows a young man named Bam and his journey into a tower where people must reach to the top in order to be given every- thing they want. Bam must work through the tower to search for his

I’m really hopeful that next semester will be better than this one

Until then, I hope that ev- eryone has a wonderful and safe Christmas break. Seriously stay home if you can. We might not go back to the normal that we had before, but at the very least let’s create a new one that doesn’t suck so much. I’d like to use the rest of the space to shout out The Freefriends one last time. Throughout the se- mester they ’ve checked up on me, fed me, and made sure I was at the very least, somewhat okay. Even though I don’t always reply to them I can’t stress to them enough how much I really appreciate it. I’ve said it a million timed but I could not have asked for a better group of friends. I can’t wait to see what 2021 has in store for us. Hopefully a huge party celebrat- ing the end of the pandemic.

I l lust rat ion: Ma i ze Nei l l · The Sent ry

ANIME SERIES THAT ARE MEANT TO BE BINGED.

best friend Rachel. This show is known for the great artwork, char- acters, and the fantasy elements included in the show 3. Beastars was a show that many people have been waiting to come out in the US. When it did, the amount of mixed feel- ing between fans have made this anime a memorable show of 2020. Beastars takes place in a world full of anthropomorphic animals, where these animals are divided into two groups: pray and predator. The story revolves around the interaction between main characters, Legoshi (a gray wolf) and Haru (a rabbit) and figuring out their feelings toward one another. The anime is a creative way to show the deeper meaning of

a divided society.

hunt down sorcerers and kill them inThe Hole.This charming dark si-fi anime is one of the more exciting ones to watch. Many other popular shows have received new seasons. Aggret- suko released season three, and it continued the plot of following the life of Restoke and the struggles of being a young adult. Other shows like Haikyu!! and Fruits Basket have also released new seasons. There are so many other shows that are not listed, but these new anime series helped fans worldwide connect with one another by having something to binge together.

4. Deca-Dence is an anime that has given its audience surprising plot twists and head-spinning sto- rytelling that leaves fans wanting more. The plot follows a young girl named Natsume who lives in a mobile fortress in a post-apocalyp- tic world and wants to understand the secrets of the world hidden by her mentor. Lastly, Dorohedoro is best described as a horror and comedy. The anime is about a dismal city called The Hole where group of sorcerers have been using people as guinea pigs for experiments. The main character Nikaido finds a lizard man named Caiman who has amnesia; to reverse this they must

NEWS

DECEMBER 02 - JANUARY 26

BEST AND WORST POLITICAL MOMENTS OF THE YEAR

THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE IMPEACHMENT

was true, so it was either completely made up or hasn’t been released to the public yet. 3. Whatever Kanye is doing (KanyeWest ad) It’s true, Kanye West WAS on the ballot in several states for the 2020 election, Colorado included. And in order to give the impression of a true politician, Kanye did release a political ad. The advertisement, especially in the beginning, kind of looked like a parody of every single stereotypical political ad ever made at once, complete with the rippling American flag in the background. Kanye’s speech really didn’t make any sense. It seemed very generic and bland, with a lot of talk about America prospering together and the country’s future. When he talked about how his presidency would make this happen, the discussion was based solely on faith and reli- gion. Basing a campaign on religion and fame alone is dangerous as is, but at least Kanye’s commitment is somewhat admirable, in a laughable, ridiculous way. lawsuits and attempts to delegiti- mize the security of the election, the President and Vice-President Elects have already shared a promising agenda for their first 100 days in office, including coronavirus task- forces and vaccination distribution plans, rejoining the WHO and stepping up to fight climate change, adjusting immigration legislation to aid millions of illegal immigrants in gaining citizenship, and of course, the fall of Trump Wall (before it’s even finished). limited, but important flipside none- the-less, 2020 hosted a few positive moments politically as well. Chiefly among them, the election of Joe Biden and Kamala Harris—bringing on the nation’s first Asian-American, African-American, and first woman Vice President, as well as the first president with dementia—just kid- ding (there’s probably been dozens of those). Despite the barrage of failed

by Tommy Clift

2 020 has been, for lack of better phrasing, a hell of a year. And the straw that broke the dump- ster fire camel’s back was of course, election season. And one thing everyone can agree on, regardless of political stance, is how ANNOYING political ads can get. Youtube is no longer an escape from the news. Hulu becomes a platform for poli- ticians. In honor of election season finally being over, here are some of the worst political ads of 2020. Disclaimer: these ads are in no par- ticular order and are not based off of personal political biases. 1. “Is Joe Biden Bernie Sanders’ trojan horse?” (Donald Trump ad) First of all, there are more con- vincing and better-looking ads made by college students who didn’t get into the graphic design program. With a sticker of Biden’s face poorly copied and pasted onto a Trojan 2 020 has been an eventful year—to put it mildly. Within only a few short weeks, bush- fires were ravaging the south coast of Australia, the Iranian General Qasem Soleimani was killed in an airstrike, Harry and Meghan Markle renounced their royal titles, Trump’s impeachment trial was beginning, and the World Health Organization had been notified of what was then called 2019-nCoV. It seems the first twenty days were a foreboding omen of the year to come. Putting aside the manifesto of world events scouring across the last 11 months, The United States alone had enough political moments to fill the library of Alexandria—although, with 2020’s record-breaking fires, that wouldn’t have work out too well. Much of this has been thanks to a WHOSE PR PEOPLE THOUGHT OF THESE IDEAS? by Taylor “Kat” Goodman A s the year closes, many people will look back and point out the best and the worst events that have taken place. However, the worst event that has occurred in 2020 is COVID-19. This sudden shift caused people to build internal anger with strangers and with themselves. With this global pandemic, people are forced to stay inside. They cannot go out to eat, see friends and family, or continue their daily routines. It is frustrating to stay inside because many individuals get stuck in their thoughts. If people want to go outside, they have to stay at least six feet apart. Humans are social COVID-19 PANDEMIC REALLY GOT THE WORLD DOWN by Sang “Wyatt” Dao

LORRAINE KELLY

QUARTER-LIFE CRISIS Here’s to 2020

Photo Courtesy of Jonathan Simcoe via Unsplash

AMERICAN POLITICS HAVE BEEN ONE CRAZY RIDE THIS YEAR.

M y last column was kind of all doom and gloom. If we’re being honest, though, I think this entire year has just been doom and gloom. It’s fair to feel like that, valid, whatever. Sure, there were some normal months early on, but it went real downhill, real fast. This year, I feel like I’ve grown a lot. When I moved back here two years ago, I was a walk- ing mental breakdown. I had maybe two friends left, I had zero idea what I was doing with my life, and I was quite literally claw- ing my way out of a mental health crisis beyond belief. I got okay again, then got bad again, then 2020 hit outta nowhere. Honest- ly, this year started with me being violently hungover after six too many tequila shots. As I lay dy- ing on my cold bathroom floor, I remember thinking, “God, I hope this isn’t a sign about how this year will go.” In part, it was, un- fortunately. But I also remember thinking, “I hope this year makes me have some kind of purpose again.” And it did. Despite the pandemic, de- spite the trauma it has brought, despite the overwhelming doom and gloom, I feel okay. Maybe not on the surface (surface me is over-caffeinated, overwhelmed, and overworked), but deep down, I know I’m okay. This year has brought me a really amazing partner (and personal live-in chef), two jobs that make me feel really good (!!!!), and I’ve most- ly figured out what I want to do with my life. Who knows if all of that will stay that way, given the unpredictability of the world. But for now, I feel okay. A few years ago, someone I look up to a lot said to me, “There is great ferocity in leaving a place to find your purpose.” I think about that every day; that’s why I came back to Denver in the first place. And dammit, I think I’m really, really close to finding it. Closer than I’ve ever been.

certain Twitter -happy, tax-evading, soon-to-be-former president. And indeed, a grandmajority of the coun- try’s worst political moments have been signed off by his little hands, all because of the year’s worst political moment—Donald Trump’s acquittal. Had Trump been fully impeached and removed from office,

his suggestion to treat the virus with bleach injections, his rallies that have been linked to over 700 coro- navirus deaths, his regression on 125 environmental and climate policies might have never happened (though who knows what Pence would’ve done in his place). But to at last turn to the more

WORST POL I T I CAL ADS FROM THE 2020 ELECT I ON

Photo Courtesy of Joe Biden’s Facebook Page

WHERE’ S HE GOIN’ ?

horse, the commercial tries to warn viewers that Biden is an attack sent by Bernie Sanders himself (???) disguised as a gift. Assuming that’s what the ad is conveying, since that’s the story of the trojan horse. While the commercial was short and sweet, it was also confusing, ugly, and brought Bernie Sanders into the mix for no apparent reason. 2. “Joe Biden Gets ‘Vetted” (Joe Biden ad)

The “how do you do, fellow kids” trope has reached another level. In this ad, former Vice President Joe Biden zooms around in an admit- tedly cool 1967 Chevrolette Corvette Stingray.The car may be cool, but the rest of the commercial was relatively uninformative, and some would argue misleading. Biden mentions the car company GM may be making an all-electric Corvette. There was no evidence to be found that this claim

IN A SHOCKING TWI ST , COV ID- 19 I S THE WORST EVENT OF 2020

the US has the most cases compared to every other country. If people were able to isolate themselves, the lock- down would go away, and healthcare workers wouldn’t be working until exhaustion. Then there are people who don’t believe in the virus when the whole world is affected by it. The politics involved makes this event more difficult to handle. Peo- ple bring in their political stance on this issue when it involves science. Instead of bringing personal beliefs to this event, people should approach it with a scientific view. Everybody is frustrated with this event, but there is no need to point fingers at political groups like the left and the right. The year 2020 has had lots of events. However, the pandemic is the worst due to it affecting all individuals internationally.

Photo Illustration: John Mazzetta · The Sentry

ANYONE REMEMBER THE OUTDOORS?

creatures, and avoiding contact with others cause some people to go into badmental states. Another reason why COVID-19 was the worst event of the year has been the people who don’t believe in the pandemic. As healthcare workers

are risking their lives for patients who contracted the disease, people are ignoring the social distancing rules. Instead of enduring a difficult lockdown order, people selfishly go out and spread the disease. According to Johns Hopkins’ COVID- 19 map,

Got comments on the news section? Questions? Pitches? Send me an email at lorraine.kelly@ucdenver.edu

NEWS

The Sentry

THE BEST AND WORST UNITED STATES SENATORS

Dianne Feinstein (California): AKA Dianne “that bitch” Feinstein. Did everyone see the video of her swatting down the youth climate activists? Yeah, she put those lit- tle nerds in their place. Dianne “Relax!!! It’s California” Feinstein. Angus King (Maine): Hahaha, Angus. Haha look guys, he’s the Angus King. Nice. Ed Markey (Massachusetts): The Senate Jock who pulls all the hot young babes over in the House of Reps. Ted Cruz is jealous of what he has with AOC. Florida senator has been in office for nine years and, in that time, has failed to get even one person named “Polo” elected with him. He hasn’t even made any “Polo” candi- date endorsements. Kamala Harris (California): The Worst Marco Rubio (Florida): This Californian Kamala (a name that was literally NOT made up) has been so bad at her job that they

transferred her to another depart- ment. It’s said that all she does now is work as an assistant for some crazy old man. Rand Paul (Kentucky): One- time Rand Paul filibustered the CIA director confirmation just to make everyone sit through his 13-hour stand-up routine. It sucked too, he basically ripped off Joe Rogan. Tom Cotton (Arkansas): This guy’s always going around asking people if they want to wrestle, and it’s starting to make some of the press secretaries really uncomfortable. Lisa Murkowski (Alaska): The word around the block is that when all the senators eat lunch together in the Senate cafeteria, Lisa Mur- kowski sits all by herself. One time she overheard Lindsay Graham in the hallway calling her, “that weird girl from Alaska.” Thom Tillis (North Carolina): Guys with names like Thom should sthop thrying tho piss me off. Sth- upid Thom.

HEY, ARE THOSE GUYS ANY GOOD? WHAT’S THEIR DEAL?

by Benjamin Neufeld

T he political chaos of an elec- tion year, as well as general, less time-specific chaos, has had the public keeping a sharp eye on American politics. But most of the attention has been funneled toward the presidential election. What about Congress? What about the Senate? Has anyone been keep- ing tabs on what they’re all up to? Yes. Here’s the guide to the best and the worst of what the United States Senate has to offer: The Best Tommy Tuberville (Arkansas): Are you kidding!!! This guy’s name is Tommy Tuberville??! Are you kidding?!!

Photo Courtesy of Dianne Feinstein’s Facebook Page

DIANNE FEINSTEN, PICTURED ABOVE, HAS GARNERED CON- TROVERSY OVER HER VIEW ON THE GREEN NEW DEAL.

WORST WAY TO WEAR A DAMN MASK

better than wearing a little bit of fabric over your mouth AND nose? Just as importantly, masks keep faces mysterious. It’s sexy, enig- matic: think masquerade party, but guided by public health measures. Throw on a pair of Gucci sunglasses and instantly, undercover FBI agent mode has been activated. But not only is mystery fun and flirty: masks allow everyone to navigate the world without being recognized by vague acquaintances at the grocery store. Whether it be an old significant other, that one high school teacher that was a little weird and talked a lot about their cat, or a coworker who microwaves fish in the break room, masks conceal the face, mak- ing it almost unrecognizable. By now, those who refuse to don a mask have become the ulti- mate black sheep. Not wearing a mask is now the world’s biggest faux pas. Throwing around respira- tory droplets and yucky germs is by far the ugliest, trashiest, least cool thing a person can do. Wearing a mask: hot. Going barefaced? Totally not.

NOT WEARING A MASK IS EQUIVALENT TO LOW-RISE JEANS

by Lorraine Kelly

F orget trendy loungewear sets and enviable mom jeans. The real fashion trend, the one that took the world by storm, has been masks. Everyone has a favorite mask, and everyone has masks that match different outfits. Masks are tres vogue; even the hottest celebs bop around Beverly Hills wearing them. And thus, the worst fashion trend of 2020 has been the act of not wearing a mask. Empathy is in vogue these days. Even a radically individualized society like the US has (somewhat) come together to slow the spread of the deadly virus. And what says “I don’t want other people to die just because my selfish ass didn’t want to be vaguely inconvenienced”

Photo by Taelar Pollmann · The Sentry

LASZLO SAYS, “ALWAYS WEAR A MASK! EXCEPT NOT LIKE THIS WHEN OUT IN PUBLIC!”

REVIEWING THE BEST AND WORST MONTHS OF THE YEAR

that is not necessarily a good thing. However, while the year itself can be thrown in the garbage, are there any good things that happened in individual months? Maybe there is something salvageable? January and February, these seem so long ago, with their impending threats of World War Three and Australian bush fires that ravaged the country. Collec- tively, 6/10. While at the time these events were the news of the world, people have moved on to bigger fish. Overall, these two months

were not nearly close to being the worst. October was a neutral month, being at a 5/10. On one hand, all of the craziness of the 2020 elec- tions made people on opposing ends of the political spectrum even more vocal than usual. On the other hand, the debates made for wonderful entertainment during these trying times. Additionally, Colorado was on fire for a majority of that month and others, but it was balanced out by the creativity of people preparing for a socially

distant Halloween.

People need to be honest with themselves… 2020 is almost entirely irredeemable. Sure, some learned new talents and everyone has come to appreciate their ability to breathe, but at what cost? All humanity can hope is that 2021 cannot possibly be any worse… right?

WAS 2020 REALLY ALL THAT BAD?

March…what can be said about March? This month may not have been the most terrible in terms of COVID numbers, however it was the start of it all. There is no rating for this month, rather a petition and plea. People collectively must remove March from all calendars in the future. For the sake of humani- ty’s mental health, everyone should forget March ever existed. Very few will be alive by then so what is the risk? Remove March, become a healthier person.

by Frankie Spiller

O verall, there are not many nice things that can be said about the year 2020. People have and will continue to live through historic events and

PHOTOBOOTH

December 02 - January 26

The Sentry

Holiday Shopping: Best/Worst With the holiday shopping season in full swing, it’s time to make a decision: large, cor- porate retailers, or small, local businesses.

Best: Across Denver - Wax Trax (638 E. 13th Avenue) - Fancy Tiger Crafts (59 Broadway) - Lawrence & Larimer (3225 E. Colfax Ave.)

Worst: Target

Photo: John Mazzetta · The Sentry

LEISURE

The Sentry

WO R S T B O O K S O F A L L T I M E

demographic to make sales. It seems that her skills in marketing far exceed her ability to craft an art- ful narrative.

Milk and Honey by Rupi Kaur

(2014)

Another title sure to stoke con- troversy among readers, Milk and Honey helped fertilize the growing trend of Instapoetry, where people write poems and post themon social media like Instagram . For over a year, this book filled the shelves of book- stores around the world because of its popularity. Like the previous writer, it seems Kaur figured out that more people buy books than actually read them.

AMANDA BLACKMAN

THE AMANDA SHOW Oh, what a year

W ell folks, here we are. It is the end of the semester, but more than that, we are near- ing the end of 2020. For most of us, this year started with good intentions, but quickly devolved into the garbage fire that it is. But for me, 2020 wasn’t a full indus- trial garbage container lit ablaze. In what could have been the worst year ever, my 2020 wasn’t as bad as it could have been. I know this is a hot take, so let me explain. January: I set my intentions for the year and wrote out a list of goals, all culminating in submit- ting law school applications. February: I stumbled upon a group of friends full of kindred spirits. We were able to get more and more connected, just before social isolation began. March: Queue the end of the world, but the start of me having time to dedicate to LSAT studying for hours on end. April: More of that. May: The day the stay-at-home orders lifted, I was able to see my friends. They helped us move into a perfect apartment to whether a pandemic. June: My husband and I went on weekly hikes with our best friends. We would reach a summit above Boulder at 8PM to listen to the city howl, and we would join in with them. July: My first go at the LSAT. More hiking. I started taking med- ication to help my anxiety, which changed my outlook on life. August: We went to Montana and saw some of the most beauti- ful sights I’ve ever seen. Also, more LSAT. September: We went back to Montana with our friends for the best trip I’ve ever had, staring at the stars and listening to Billie Holiday while cooking dinners. October: I took the LSAT for the final time. I got a score that opened doors for me. My friends stood by my side and celebrated with me as I applied to law schools. November: I’ve been admitted to five law schools and given schol- arship opportunities I never could have dreamed of. I know I’m in the minority here, but in a year that could have been the worst, there were plenty of hidden gems that made it more than I ever could have expected. I had my own personal garbage fires, but focusing on the short- comings of the year won’t get me anywhere. 2020 taught me to look for the good things, and this year, I’ve been surrounded by them.

Violet Bent Backwards over the

Grass by Lana Del Rey (2020)

Released in 2020, this collection of spoken word poetry by Lana Del Rey presents a stale and unrefined glimpse into her life as a celebrity. At points it gets personal, but the language and subject matter feel so detached from reality. It almost reads more like diary entries from Mitt Romney than a book of poetry. Given the state of the world, Del Rey at least managed to avoid fueling the dumpster fire. Like any art, literature exists on a spectrum between avant-garde and entertainment. Surely the list of terrible books far outnumbers the list of great books, but it’s all subjec- tive. None of these works should be a target for censorship, but consider looking to other books instead for inspiration.

I l lust rat ion: Rigby Guer rero • The Sent ry

BAD BOOKS ARE OFTEN SOME OF THE MOST POPULAR ONES.

Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand

and some just intentionally appeal to a certain market. While it might seem easy to ignore these titles and deny them any more attention, some might actually be poisonous to society.

(1957)

FROM MARK TWAIN TO LANA DEL REY

Of all the terrible books written by Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged often gets the most praise by people who love capitalism. Almost like a work of American propaganda, the entire story seems to support a bizarre dystopia where corporations can do whatever they want. Atlas Shrugged still influences conservatives and libertarians, providing them a text to cling to like a Bible.

Adventures of Huckleberry Finn

by Trevor Leach

by Mark Twain (1884)

Mark Twain supposedly wrote this book to mock the racism of the South, yet it consumed nearly every aspect of the story. Literary critics from the time it was written until the present have questioned the importance of the novel. Despite the excessive use of racist language and tropes, many schools still require their students to read it. Recently that trend has started to shift, with some school districts banning the book for that reason.

B ooks usually lead the imag- ination on a journey to another world and help to escape the realities of the present. Yet, just because a person can write doesn’t mean they should. Below are several books thatmight serve better as kindling in a fire during the cold months of winter instead of reading them. Some lack artistry, some pro- mote disturbing political divisions,

Twilight by Stephenie Meyer

(2005)

Perhaps the most controversial addition to this list, the Twilight series stuck fangs in the hearts of a generation. Any novel that involves vampires usually strays down an alley of kitsch and cliché, but this book especially sought a specific

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WO R S T S T R E AM I N G S E R V I C E

rich, out of touch Gen Xer trying to make something “the kids” will like: a streaming service that can only be watched on a phone, where every show is at max 10 minutes long. In other words, Katzenberg took the stereotype of young people always being on their phones with short attention spans and tried to mone- tize it. The idea appealed to plenty of other people too, with Quibi raising over one billion dollars before launch from investors. The result is simply a streaming service not for anyone. Get really invested in a show and want to watch it on your tv? That option is unavailable. What about the option to flip the phone either vertically or horizontally, letting the viewer see different angles? Horrendous. Switching in the middle of scenes doesn’t let viewers knowwhat they’re actually supposed to be watching. In practice, it’s making the consumer edit the video for themselves instead of enjoying a story. How about the amount of quality content? Very lit- tle, and everything’s so short it hardly

THE RISE AND FALL OF QUIBI

by Jeremiah Blackman

T here comes a time in every executive’s life when they have to face themselves and ask: why am I running a company and not raking in some streaming service money like my buddies? Usually there is no good reason, at least in their minds, which has led to the expansive streaming land- scape consumers find themselves in today. The public has this come to Jesus moment to thank for YouTube TV, Apple+, Amazon Prime Video, and now finally: Quibi. Helmed by Jeffery Katzenberg, former head of Disney, no streaming service has been quite as cynically designed, poorly thought-out, or horribly executed as Quibi. The core idea sounds like the mad ravings of a

Photo cour tesy of Quibi COMPOUND BAD DECISIONS AND GET QUIBI.

feels substantial enough to warrant the price. That’s not to say there wasn’t good content, the Reno 911 reboot proved to be a specific standout, but it’s not surprising the service shut down within six months of launch- ing. It turns out that enormously

wealthy old white people don’t know what the kids want. But it was their trying that led to Quibi being the worst streaming service.

LEISURE

DECEMBER 02 - JANUARY 26

WO R S T ( B U T AT T H E S AM E T I M E T H E B E S T ) S O N G S T O D O C P R T O

Dion, also known as the Titanic theme, is a beautiful and rather rousing song that leaves no eye dry within the context of its film. Tap- ping into that energy for CPR may seem like a good idea, but the song is too slow and languid to have any lifesaving capabilities. The person performing CPR’s heart may go on, but that’s the only one that will. “Stairway to Heaven” by Led Zepplin, a beautiful song that may or may not contain Satanic messag- ing, is also one to avoid. Keeping the slow beat in one’s head, combined with all the guitar solos between lyrics, make this a definite no-go. Choosing this song will ensure that the person in need of CPR will, rather involuntarily, start climbing those stairs. “Bring Me To Life” by Eva- nescence feels right, with it’s

hit someone in the chest like in the movies, expecting the person to just cough themselves back to consciousness. With all these rules, it can be hard to remember what exactly to do at all. How fast, how hard, and how long should one perform the compressions? How close together should they be? And should one figure that out before being in a situation with someone who needs help? A strategy that cuts straight through the confusion is to sing a song while performing CPR, pump- ing to the beat. This will ensure that the compressions are prop- erly spaced and deliver the proper oomph. However, not every song is equally useful for CPR. Here are some tunes that should be avoided: “My Heart Will Go On” by Celine

THESE WON’T HELP WITH STAYIN’ ALIVE

by Jeremiah Blackman

C PR, or cardiopulmonary resuscitation if one wants to get fancy with it, is a life-saving technique taught in lifeguard schools across the world. It may seem like simply pushing on a chest, but the true professionals understand the nuances of proper administration, as there are some definite do’s and don’ts. For exam- ple: do make sure that someone is actually in trouble and not just taking a nap before starting. Don’t

Photo cour tesy of Spot i fy

STEP TO THE SIDE, BEEGEES.

aggressive beat and screaming. Also, very on-brand with what CPR is designed for. However, singing this song with the too-slow beat and the aggressionmight make one wake up

inside, but will do very little for the person they’re trying to help.

MO S T P A I N F U L L O S S O F 2 0 2 0

eaten by the dozen, especially con- sidering the low price of $1.29 per slice of heaven. While the Taco Bell spicy potato taco was certainly the pin- nacle of their menu, the versatility of the potato really shined through in their vegetarian concoctions. Veg-heads could replace any meat with potato, turning every menu item into their own customized creation. Potato quesadillas? A starchy paradise. Potato burritos with nacho cheese? Pure nirvana. Potato breakfast burritos with Diablo sauce? Chef ’s kiss. The Taco Bell potato was no ordinary potato: they’re crispy, with a perfect spice- to-salt ratio. An absolute delicacy. But then, in August 2020, the corporate fools in charge of the Taco Bell menu eviscerated the Taco Bell potato from their menu, leaving a cold void in the hearts of Americans forever. Taco Bell

enthusiasts wept in the streets as they watched their one true love fall into a pile of dust. Amidst a damn pandemic, an anxiety-in- ducing election, and the horrifying advance of climate change, the corporate machine that is Taco Bell® decided they would further ruin 2020. Rest in peace, Taco Bell pota- toes. They shall be missed. And Taco Bell shall rue the day. Rue it!

RIP TO THE TACO BELL POTATO

by Lorraine Kelly

F rom masks becoming the most popular accessory to the most contentious, dra- matic, exhausting election ever, 2020 has brought a lot of change. And American society has dealt with unimaginable loss this year, from cancelled birthdays, holi- days, graduations. But ultimately, the real tragedy of 2020 has been the loss of Taco Bell potatoes. The potato. Life’s most versa- tile veggie. So simple, and yet so magical. For millennia, the potato has stood as a symbol of what freedom, joy, and love really mean. French fries, mashed potatoes,

I l lust rat ion: Aar t i Durej as • The Sent ry

TAKE A MOMENT OF SILENCE TO MOURN THESE LOSSES.

gnocchi: all of the best foods are potato-based. But when combined with Taco Bell’s equally majestic chipotle sauce and doughy, vaguely

plastic-y tortillas, the potato transforms into an even more incredible beast, a true god among men. Spicy potato tacos could be

WE I R D E S T D E S S E R T R E C I P E S F R OM T H E 1 9 5 0 ’ S

it may be to dump a whole bottle of mayo in a bowl of perfectly good chocolate goodness, the taste was great. Overall, this recipe deserves a 8/10. It is a good chocolate cake with no hint of mayonnaise. Now moving on to a dessert drink, hot Dr. Pepper. After heat- ing the soda in a pot, the drink did not have any of its usual fizziness left. The best way to describe the taste is if Dr. Pepper was turned into tea. Unfortunately, there was an odd smell of what was probably burnt soda which made the experi- ence unpleasant. This recipe gets a 6/10 for being surprisingly not hor- rible, but leaves a lingering smell. Of course, there would be no list of 1950’s desserts without an abundance of oddly shaped gela- tin. Jell-O itself is nice, however the other ingredients added for presentation bring this recipe down. Jell-O does not need bits of

fruit or bread or even tuna fish to be a fun dessert. The texture alone gives these collective Jell-O recipes a 4/10. On one hand, these desserts looked pretty. On the other hand, there is no excuse for tuna Jell-O. That is a war crime. For those looking for a culinary adventure, try some of these recipes out, but be prepared to have the after- taste of unwanted generational trauma passed down through the generations.

TASTE TESTING SO READERS DON’T HAVE TO

by Frankie Spiller

W hat do mayonnaise, Dr. Pepper, and tuna have in common? The fact that they all have their own dessert rec- ipes. Nowadays these past recipes can seem odd or downright inedible due to their ingredients. It is time to put these old time recipes to the test. First, there is the good old mayonnaise chocolate cake. This one may sound disgusting, but when broken down to its own ingredients, mayo is really just eggs, oil, and salt. As disgusting as

Photo cour tesy of The Aust in Chroni c le

CAN SOMEONE CHECK ON THE 50’S AND MAKE SURE THEY’RE OK?

NEWEPISODEOUTNOW!

Fromthepagetoyourears. availableoncu-sentry.com

NOISE

DECEMBER 02 - JANUARY 26

MOST SIGHWORTHY DAD JOKES

1. Mom, after recovering from COVID: “My smell is starting to come back!” Dad : “You better go take a shower to take care of that.”

CUE THE SIGHS

by Amanda Blackman

2. (At the airport)

Dad: “I think the person at the airline check-in counter just threatened me.” Family: “What?” Dad: “Yeah, she said, ‘Window or aisle?’ and I said, ‘Window or you’ll what?” 3. Dad: “My boss wants me to sign up for a 401k, but I don’t think I can run that far!” 4. Dad: “Did you hear about the superhero group that orders drinks but pours all of the liquid out?” Family: “No…?”

H ang around any dad for at least 15 minutes and sighs are sure to abound from their many jokes that only they themselves find funny. Many dad jokes are tastefully woven into conversations, thought up on the fly away from the main point of a conversation. Some of the jokes below have been overheard by dads or found on Reddit. Here’s to the dad joke-crack- ers out there—those who are actual dads, or just those who have a questionable sense of humor.

KENNEDY ERHART

I just know that Xander is going to say “Really? Another list col- umn? I did that first” in response to this, but it’s fine. In honor of the season and this shitty year, here is everything I’m thankful for: 1. SOMEWHERE IN NEVERLAND Merci

Photo cour tesy of Chr i s Blakeley v ia Fl i ckr

DAD JOKES SURE TOMAKE ANY EYES ROLL.

Dad: “Yeah, they ’re calling

the bathroom could spell disaster.”

themselves the Just-Ice Squad.”

7. Dad: “My friends and I started a business where we weigh small objects.”

5. Dad: “You know, Starbucks could release their own line of face masks. They could call them, ‘Coughy filters.’” 6. Dad: “I accidentally ate some scrabble tiles. My next trip to

Family: “Okay…”

Dad: “Yeah, it’s a small-scale

My parents and everything they’ve done for me in my life My cute pups that never fail to make me smile My best pal and old roomie, Haley; it’s been almost a year since I’ve seen her in person and I miss her bunches My friends that I still talk to from high school My friends that I’ve made during my time in college and at The Sentry The red couch in The Sentry office and all the good naps The nostalgia that has come out of the garbage fire that is this year The feeling you get when you remember an old favorite song

operation.”

2.

WHICH POTATO IS THE BEST?

3.

variations, like Burger King where the hash browns come in cute bite sizes. 3. Sheppard’s pie . Why settle for regular mashed potatoes! Spice it up! Put some meat in there, bake it till it’s crispy! 4. Potato crispers . Again, why settle for regular mashed pota- toes? Crispers are cheesy potato balls that are fried until they ’re crispy (hence the name). They ’re the perfect quick snack and take no time to make.

TATERS—RANKED

4.

5.

by Kaia Stallings

6.

I t’s no secret to anyone that potatoes are the GOAT when it comes to side dishes. In fact, most people can agree that French fries, curly fries, and tater tots are just as important as the burgers they accompany. Ever wondered what the fatal flaw of Wendy ’s is? The terrible fries. Fear not, because there are tons of other potato dishes that are just as delicious. Here are some, better, if not the best ways to consume potatoes: 1. Loaded potato skins . Every place does this differently, some

7.

8.

Photo cour tesy of Sahand Babal i v ia Unsplash “PO-TA-TOES! BOIL THEM, MASH THEM, STICK THEM IN A STEW.”

9. That I’m graduating next se- mester (oof, I’m tired) 10. The adrenaline rush from the lights going down at a show 11. That I got to have three nor- mal years of college (I still wish my senior year didn’t suck, but thankful nonethe- less) 12. My students and the peo- ple I’ve gotten to meet and work with in PAL the last two years 13. The feeling in your stomach when you laugh so hard that noise stops coming out 14. The feeling you get when you find your new favorite song and listen to it over and over until you’re tired of it 15. The feeling you get when you’re singing along to said favorite song in a sea of peo- ple with the performer on stage 16. Having a comfortable place to live in both my hometown and in Denver 17. Being fortunate enough to go to school in Denver 18. All the cool things I’ve got- ten to do the last three years with my best friends 19. The bittersweet feeling of going back home for the hol- idays 20. When it starts to rain up in the mountains, the smell is unrivaled Editor’s Pick: “Kiss Goodnight” by IDKHOW

opt to scoop out the actual potato content and consumers are left with a crispy, cheesy, bacon filled sanctuary, or they spice it up by filling the potato skin with the potato to make it gooier, since the cheese melts into the potato. This is honestly just as exciting. Chili’s had great loaded potato skins before they removed them from

the menu. A horrible business decision. 2. Hash browns . Give a round of applause for this versatile queen. There’s the classic shred- ded style of hash browns which offers everyone a chance to load up the potato with anything they please, or the incredible fast-food

5. Steak fries . It’s all the glory

of a French fry multiplied.

It doesn’t matter how they ’re consumed, or even from where. All potatoes deserve the same amount of respect, because without them, food would not be the same.

the entire 1,200 dollars on toilet paper alone (at least, hopefully not), but that sweet stimulus stack came in clutch for the many panicked gro- cery raiders whose first apparent worry on the precipice of a pan- demic was how the hell someone cleans up when the T.P. has run dry. Clearly, The Western Handyman’s handy-dandy bidet never crossed their minds (a.k.a. a garden hose). A collection of runners-up include booking vacations, attempt- ing to “time the market,” and even the slightly more practical sounding decision of immediately paying it all towards debt (when deferred and reduced payments were on the way for a number of institutions). Of course, the money is free to be spent as wished; but with the future finan- cial ramifications of this year, there may be better investments than a 128 pack of toilet paper. WORST MONEY MOVES MADE WITH STIMULUS CHECKS

Well, as expected, a majority used it to keep up with payments— as per the use intended by our wealthy distributors.The US Bureau of Labor Statistics reported that “of those who received or expected to receive a payment, the largest per- centage indicated that they would use the stimulus payment to mostly pay for expenses,” including that 66 percent reported using at least some portion of the money for food. But for the people who maybe didn’t need the money in that moment, what then? As many know, when the pan- demic was first taking hold, people cleared out the grocery stores like it was the apocalypse. One house- hold item, in particular, became a rare commodity not long after the initial strike… That’s why coming in first place for worst money moves made—toilet paper. Okay, so probably no one spent

TRIPLE PLY, FEELIN’ FLY

by Tommy Clift

F irst receiving news that the United States Federal Gov- ernment planned to send money out to citizens, although desperately needed, was an unex- pected move—they just mean Jeff Bezos and friends, right? Well, apparently all it took was a massive pandemic sweeping the country for capitalism’s number one fans to embrace a little socialism in their lives (although they’d never admit it), and soon enough, 1,200 dollar checks were in the bank accounts of thousands of citizens. What did they spend it on?

Photo cour tesy of Er i k Mc lean v ia Unsplash

WHO NEEDS TO PAY THEIR BILLS, RIGHT?

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