There isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach to parenting, so when you become a parent, you’ll likely employ techniques you learned from family or friends and what you learned on your own. Naturally, these techniques and your preferences may differ from what your loved ones did for their children, and sometimes, it can be difficult for them to adjust. Because of this, how do you set boundaries with family members regarding your children? Be direct when communicating boundaries. Don’t assume your loved ones know or understand your parenting style. Instead, clearly state your rules, values, practices, and expectations when others are around your children. When creating physical boundaries, you can say, “Please don’t give my child soda when they visit. That’s something I don’t want them to have.” For emotional boundaries, you can say, “Please don’t force my child to hug you. If they refuse, give them their space without compromising their feelings and comfortability.” Develop a strategy for handling pushback. “I did this with my kids, and they turned out fine! ” You may have heard this quote when vocalizing your wishes to loved ones about how to treat your children. If they question your tactics, practice what you will say so you’re not caught off guard. But most importantly, remember why you’re establishing these boundaries and upholding those values. If your loved ones fail to respect your wishes, don’t be afraid to reinforce those boundaries — it’s okay to say no! Give your family time to adjust. Changing and creating new habits is challenging, so give your loved ones time to adjust to your boundaries. However, if you’re continuing to reinforce your wishes and still meeting pushback and disrespect, it’s okay to distance yourself or cut ties. You have to put what’s best for you and your family first. If you have any questions or concerns about establishing boundaries with your loved ones, contact a marriage and family therapist to assist you. They can provide more insight and resources to help you during this time. HOW TO SET BOUNDARIES WITH YOUR FAMILY ‘BUT I DID THIS WITH MY KIDS!’
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