HOW SANTA CLAUS BREAKS THE LAW EVERY YEAR
BUT WE LOVE HIM ANYWAY
T his month, the jolliest of legends emerges from his wintry hideaway at the North Pole and flies with his magical sleigh and reindeer to deliver presents to children all around the globe. To most people, the idea of Santa Claus sneaking in through their chimney with a heaping bag full of gifts is the best thing to happen all year. But despite his noble intentions, the seemingly innocent Saint Nicholas might not be that innocent at all. In fact, Santa might be breaking a few laws to get all the way around the world during a single night’s sleep! FLYING UNDER THE INFLUENCE While those of us in the U.S. set out cookies and milk to help keep Santa nourished on his flight to all corners of the Earth, families in other countries, like the U.K., observe the tradition by leaving out mince pies and sherry to satisfy Saint Nick’s hunger pangs. According to the Office of National Statistics, there were 27.2 million households in the U.K. in 2017. Even if only half of the families in this single country left sherry out on Christmas Eve, it’s safe to say that Santa’s sleigh-flying ability would definitely be impaired. Even if police officers could fly high enough to issue him a Breathalyzer test, Santa’s rosy cheeks would give him away.
AIRSPACE VIOLATIONS The reindeer fly his sleigh through the airspace of every single country. But there is no evidence of Santa ever submitting to a customs search, which is unusual considering the quantity and variety of goods he is known to be carrying. He also does not share radio transmissions with the pilots flying planes full of people across the world so they can be with their families on Christmas Day. In this way, Santa’s invisibility only heightens the possibility of accidents.
ILLEGAL SURVEILLANCE When families set up their plates of cookies and milk — or mince pies and sherry — they are effectively inviting Santa into their homes, so he couldn’t be accused of breaking and entering. However, in the process of compiling his naughty-or- nice list, Santa has to do surveillance on over 1.9 billion people. While doing so, he probably violates every single privacy law ever created.
TAKE A BREAK
BUTTERY ROASTED CHESTNUTS
INGREDIENTS
• Pinch of freshly ground nutmeg • Freshly ground black pepper, to taste
• 2 pounds fresh
• 1/2 cup unsalted butter, melted • 2 teaspoons kosher salt, or more to taste
chestnuts, unpeeled • 2–3 sprigs rosemary
DIRECTIONS
1. Heat oven to 450 F. 2. Place a large sheet of foil on a rimmed baking sheet. 3. On a large, flat workspace, place chestnuts flat side down. Using a sharp
knife, carve an X on the rounded side of each chestnut. 4. In a large bowl of hot water, soak chestnuts for 1 minute.
5. Pat dry and transfer to a medium bowl. Add rosemary, butter, salt, pepper, and nutmeg. Toss to coat and transfer to baking sheet. Arrange in a single layer. Gather the edges of the foil together, leaving an opening at the top.
6. Roast until peels curl up, about 30–45 minutes. 7. Transfer to a platter and serve while hot or warm.
Inspired by Bon Appétit
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