Confessions of a payroll manager – The generation game
Another episode in a series of occasional yet insightful / inciteful, anonymous and whimsical reports revealing the arcane, weird and sometimes torturous world of payroll frequented by payroll professionals. S ometimes something happens which shakes up your world view and makes you completely reconsider a deeply held belief. No, I’m not talking about that moment when you realise that a good cup of tea really could save the planet (yes, it could – Jace and I have written a sixteen-point plan called ‘In case of apocalypse – boil kettle’). I’m talking about the terrible prejudices I had about the millennial generation and how they have been completely dismantled this week by one very talented young man. Mr Crumbitt – who appears to have transferred his experimental lean to his clothes judging by the green tie, orange waistcoat and bright red doc martins he was wearing – came to visit last week and proclaimed with his usual flair that he was setting up the Crumbitt Really Excellent Work Experience Scheme (or CREWES). Not only that, but he had already selected the very first candidate – his nephew Oliver. As I announced the initiative to the team, I confess my nerves (and theirs) were slightly addled. A seventeen-year old boy in payroll – and a relation of Mr Crumbitt no less – what were we letting ourselves in for? Would he really be interested in learning about national insurance, agency workers and real time information? The most exciting things that we thought could be dressed up were salary sacrifice and benefits in kind as both could at a push pass as Saturday night game show titles. Regardless, I still had pictures of a
young man lounging on the office chairs, feet on the desks, glued to his smartphone, monosyllabic and obtuse. The picture was grim – but I was oh so wrong. From the moment Oliver walked in the door on Monday morning – resplendent in a well-cut navy suit and corporate Crumbitt’s tie which apparently was a rather less than generous Christmas gift from his uncle – we knew we had to revise all our assumptions. And when he immediately offered to make tea for everyone…well, it was a given, the boy was gold dust. By the end of the first day Oli (“don’t call me Oliver, that’s my dad’s name”) had taught Jace how to produce a pivot table in Excel, completed a mail merge for me that saved at least two hours of me tearing my hair out, and also cleared the backlog of expenses filing. He was like a navy whirlwind that occasionally made tea – what a find! I thought by Tuesday he’d have exhausted himself, but no. Off he went again sending out reminders about vehicle insurance to the sales team, handling challenging phone calls (specifically George from production line 3 who calls every week to check his net pay and when he will be paid despite the fact that pay and pay date have not changed in twenty years), and translating Chinese receipts from Mr Crumbitt’s rather ambitious trip overseas which he undertook in an effort to break the fortune cookie market. By Wednesday the whole team (including myself) were pretty much in awe/love with Oli and I was feeling particularly guilty about my earlier assumptions. Over the week Oli got stuck in to everything, always enthusiastically listening, always being polite and respectful
and genuinely being interested in the world of payroll. On Thursday afternoon, we gathered around like school children at story time to listen to him translate an email from Spain which led to a huge order for Crumbitt’s Corkin’ Coconut Cubes. Apparently, he’d spent his early years overseas with his father who worked in the city. The week was rounded off beautifully when, on his last day, he brought in cakes for the whole team – a very welcome change from the endless supply of broken biscuits. As we all sat together, supping tea and munching I took the opportunity to ask Oli if he would like to come back and work over the busy summer holiday period. There was a collective intake of breath as the team waited for his answer (with Jace nodding his head vigorously in encouragement) and after a pause Oli said that not only would he love to but that he was now really considering a career in payroll. Well done, Mr Crumbitt – CREWES has already been a success. I’ve loved having a new face in the team and one who’s been so enthusiastic and keen to learn. It reminds me how genuinely interesting this job is and that I have a passion for it too. To watch someone like Oli also find a passion for it at such a young age has been inspiring – I’m definitely going to do more to promote roles in payroll in future. As the young ‘uns would say (I think), “payroll rocks!”. ❏ The Editor: Any resemblance to any payroll manager or professional alive or dead, or any payroll department or organisation whether apparently or actually portrayed in this article is simply fortuitous.
| Professional in Payroll, Pensions and Reward | October 2017 | Issue 34 58
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