they tend to say, “What’s wrong with the ignoramus? Why doesn’t she like her children and want to take care o f them? Who does she think she is?” Usually they are very angry at such a mother. But, you know, I have a very different attitude toward you. I understand that you have deep- seated problems which prevent you from liking children. In my experience o f dealing with many, many people; counseling in person and on the radio; here in our own country and as I’ve trav eled the world, I’ve been amazed to find that there are many parents who do not like their children. This is just as prevalent among fathers as it is among mothers. The only dif ference between you and many other mothers who dislike their children is that you acknowledge the fact. You have taken the first big step toward a solution and a change of attitude. You have admitted that you’re a poor mother and that some thing must be done. Secondly, you have started a proc ess o f seeking professional help — you have written us and, like many others who have done so, after a few letters back and forth, you will undoubtedly follow our suggestion to get some professiortal help. (For tunately you are very close to our West Coast Counseling Clinic.) There have been some experiences in your childhood which have turned you against children. I imagine that you may have had responsibilities during your early years which have caused rebellion against responsibili ties with children. Or, it may be that while you were growing up, your emotional needs were not met. As a result, you are living on “ thin ice” today, emotionally speaking. Any lit tle thing upsets you. Perhaps you think, “ If I could only get away from human beings, get into an office to work, I’d be all right, but when I’m around people, especially chil dren, I go to pieces.” At any rate there is a reason why you feel as you do. It does no good to tell a per son in such a condition as you that you should feel differently. You’re doing the best you can. What you need is to see a pro fessionally-trained person such as one o f our staff o f psychologists or professional counselors. We will talk with you, then give you psychologi cal tests to determine scientifically the dynamics operating in your case. Then we can help you to get well, so that you will feel completely differ ent. Let me assure you that you can be wonderfully changed by receiving the psychological and spiritual help that you need.
fM m q tt M / i with Dr. ClydeM. Narramore Dr. Narramore, graduate of Columbia University, New York City, is a nationally known psychologist. He is the director of one of America’s largest psy chological clinics / The Christian Counseling Center in Rosemead, California.
whether he is smaller or bigger than the average child. We also consider bis I.Q., then his achievement—what he actually has learned — then his social adjustment: how well he gets along with other pupils and with his teachers. We take into consideration also, the attitude of the parents and the teachers. With these things in mind, I am sure you can determine whether he should go ahead or repeat the grade. SHE HATES BEING A MOTHER Q. I am a Christian mother of three children, the oldest eight years, and eight years of kids is almost more than I can stand, notwithstanding the fact that I am a Christian. I feel I made a mistake in ever get ting married, or at least in having children, but here they are, all three of them. I fear what they will turn out to be under such influence. I have no patience with them. I help in my husband’s business and receive more joy from this than anything I’ve ever done. I seem to have some business talent. But the never-ending housework — and the kids! The guilt feelings I have for being such a poor mother are almost as bad as the failure itself. Would you have any kind of an swers for me — that is, other than killing myself or getting rid of the kids? I’ve tried changing, but I’m faking and they know it. I think, when they’re out, "I’m going to be different when they come home this time. I’m going to be more patient. I’ll show an interest in them.’’ Then they come in and I can’t stand them. There’s no use in my trying to be something I’m not. It simply doesn’t work. Shall I accept myself as I am: one heck of a mother who hates being one — or is there some other way ? A. Yes, there is some other way. Let me say first, most people do like children and when they hear a moth er talk the way you have talked,
SHOULD EIGHT-YEAR-OLD REPEAT SECOND GRADE? Q. We have an eight-year-old boy whom we believe is normal in all ways, but he is about to fail second grade. His teacher claims he can go over the work and do just fine; that he just goes too fast and fails to pay attention. Do you think it will be a good les son to him to have him repeat this grade? His poorest subject is read ing. He tries to go too fast. My wife and I feel we have to get to the root of the thing and prove to our son that it is better to slow down and do things correctly rather than to rush on and most likely do things wrong. Our problem is, how can we show him this and prove our point? Is this just a stage, or do we have a real problem here? A. No doubt hundreds o f parents, concerned about their children, have this same problem: the school child who tries to go too fast; doesn’t take his time, and as a result makes bad grades. You’re wondering if keeping him back in the second grade would be a good lesson to him. Well, I don’t think this is your aim, really. We’re not trying to ‘‘get even” with the boy and punish him. Rather, I feel we should be asking why he does what he does: ru sh e s th rou g h things; is a poor reader. What your child needs is some professional evaluation by a psy chologist : some intelligence tests and such, to find out what his problem, really is. Such tests would show just what you need to know. Is this child bored because he has such a high I.Q.? Or does he have below-average intelligence? Is he a slow-developing child? Does he have neurological im pairment (what we call “ brain dam age” ) ? What is causing his problem? And so, the boy needs evaluation. Usually in considering whether a person should be retained in a grade or promoted, five or six factors enter in: first, his chronological age. Then we take a look at his physical size—
THE KING'S BUSINESS
22
Made with FlippingBook Online newsletter