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Tools for Personal Growth During Tough Times S eptember 2024 SET YOUR COMPASS
If life deals you lemons, you may as well make lemonade out of them, right? We’re all about self-improvement here at The Manely Firm, especially for clients going through a challenging time like a divorce. Even though the family crisis presents an opportunity to improve your life, the real question is whether you want to improve yourself. This month is Self-Improvement Month, and I think any scenario or event in one’s life presents an opportunity for positive growth, but bettering ourselves is up to us. You have to decide what your priorities are. One of the most challenging aspects many of our clients’ experience is managing communication about the children. Generally, they have gotten into a communication rut or a power play with each other where both parties think they deserve the last word. They are no longer listening; they’re just arguing their positions. It may seem like a chance to vindicate a position and affirm they’re correct and their future ex isn’t playing fair. But ask yourself: Do you have a chance to learn something from what has happened? When working with people, we try to hear where they’re coming from and be sensitive to their current situation. One of my favorite stories was when I was working a case out of Germany for a couple that had relocated to the U.S. and had many assets back home. We were sitting side by side when the woman had a bizarre argument with me. About 15 minutes in, I had an epiphany and asked, “Is this how you’re used to arguing with your husband?” She was outraged and stormed out of the office. A day later, she called and said, “You were right. That is how we argued, and I guess I’m so used to it that I missed it.” For many, this is one of the most challenging times in their lives, and they can hardly approximate who they were before it all started. We like to help people become more mindful of where they are and all those influences impacting them. We do a bit of coaching so they can look back on this transition period in their lives with dignity. Everyone in our office has a “feelings wheel” they check in with daily. The wheel starts with emotions everyone can relate to, like happiness, sadness, fear, or anger. It then branches out and goes deeper into what that emotion could really be. This challenges us to get more in touch with our feelings so we are articulate and
attentive to what we are actually feeling. We also use feeling wheels with our clients as a simple device to help them stop and take stock so they can take control.
One of the ways I’ve used these tools for self-improvement is to practice curiosity, not judgment. The other day, I was stuck in traffic and saw someone peel past me in the emergency lane. My first thought was, ‘He thinks he’s better than us.’ As I thought more, I realized maybe his pregnant wife was in the car, or he was late for a life-changing meeting. Perhaps he had a reason, and I would have done the same thing if I had that same reason. I felt much calmer about the whole thing. We want to help you identify your north star and goals. If you set your sails accordingly from the start, you’re far more likely to hit your long-term goals. With your compass set, you will head in the right direction from the very beginning. As you navigate the challenges of self-improvement, remember that it’s not about perfection but progress. So, as we celebrate Self-Improvement Month, ask yourself: What small steps can you take today to create a brighter tomorrow?
–Michael Manely
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I s Y our 18-Y ear -O ld P repared ? Why College Students Need Advanced Health Care Directives
Though they will feel like your babies forever, when your child turns 18, they are legally adults and will need to be prepared for emergencies while they are away in college. So, when crafting an estate plan, you need to include advanced health care directives for college students and children to ensure their medical care aligns with their wishes and your values in an emergency. Power of Attorney When a child turns 18, new restrictions are placed on them, and parents or guardians need special permission and access to make a number of decisions about their child. A Power of Attorney is one of the documents you should have in place as your child enters college or becomes an adult. This document names someone who can act on behalf of the 18-year-old if they can’t. Some common reasons for a Power of Attorney are for financial documents. Your college student might need help managing their bank accounts, paying bills, or filing taxes. This also allows you to speak to any of your child’s creditors. Health Care Power of Attorney You and your college-aged child should also elect a Healthcare Power of Attorney who will be responsible for any medical decisions on behalf of your child. This is incredibly
important, as without it, a medical emergency could be complex for you to help with. If your 18-year-old is seriously injured or incapacitated, this document will give you the ability to make decisions about their treatment and care. It also allows you to speak with their doctor, access their medical records, or even make an appointment for them. Other Documents to Consider It’s essential to ensure you have the correct documents for the college your child is attending. Sometimes, schools will have specific
paperwork you need to provide for your advanced healthcare directives. Check the orientation packet or university website to find the required documents (i.e., FERPA, or Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act permit, etc.). Ensure you give the directives to the school in advance so no one has to scramble around if an emergency occurs.
Incorporating advanced health care directives and powers of attorney into your estate plan ensures your college-bound child is prepared for any unexpected situation. These essential documents provide peace of mind. As your child steps into adulthood, these proactive steps will safeguard their future and offer security for your entire family.
TRANSFORMING OUR LEGAL RESEARCH WITH DEDICATION AND SKILL MEET SALLY MACDONALD At The Manely Firm, our passionate staff members contribute significantly to the team and are dedicated to giving their best to clients. Our law librarian, Sally MacDonald, makes our attorneys’ work that much smoother. From researching the laws impacting our cases to organizing our extensive research library, Sally brings a dedication to justice and exceptional organizational skills to this exciting new role. When she applied for a paralegal position with us last September, we knew she would make a perfect Law Librarian. It was the ideal role for her to build her knowledge and experience with family law. “It’s a really nice place to work, and the people here are so nice to work with,” she said. “I’ve learned that family law can be done in a nice way. It doesn’t have to be a vicious fight between parents or spouses.”
Sally said she had never considered a law career until she was about 18, but once she explored the field, she knew it was the right match. “It wasn’t ever a career anyone talked to me about,” she said. “I thought I had always been good at arguing, and I believe in integrity and doing the right thing. I wanted to somehow get into justice, and when I started looking into law, it just fit with who I am.” Originally from England, she and her family moved to the U.S. when she was 16. She decided to return home to complete her law education, earning her Master of Law at Queen Mary University of London. While completing her master’s degree in Paris, the COVID-19 pandemic caused her to return to the U.S., where she worked for another law firm. Tired of the toxic work environment there, she sought a chance to work for another firm where she could use her skills and education.
Since arriving here, Sally has enjoyed creating this role as she goes. She revamped our research library, streamlining how lawyers access essential information. She said she has learned so much as she works to find new ways to help our attorneys make their arguments in court. Sally said the critical skills needed to be a successful law librarian are an excellent legal mind, the ability to analyze information, and excellent organizational skills. She is interested in pursuing a career as a lawyer, but for now, she’s glad to be working at a good firm where she can continue to learn and grow. Sally’s love of justice and determination to help our lawyers and clients shine through her daily work. We are so thankful to have her.
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P erfect P each C obbler
Divorce can feel like the end of an era, but what if it was also the beginning of a new, empowering chapter? Embracing a growth mindset during this challenging time can transform your perspective, turning obstacles into opportunities for personal development. By focusing on resilience, self- improvement, and the lessons learned from past experiences, you can navigate the emotional turbulence with a renewed sense of purpose and optimism. Get ready to grow because this month, we’re exploring how to face divorce with a growth mindset. Accepting Change In “The Good Divorce” by Constance Ahrons, she says that accepting change is essential because change is an integral part of life. With a growth mindset, you can embrace change and the lessons that come from persevering through challenges. The first step to accepting divorce as a growth opportunity is reconsidering your marriage expectations. You must challenge the basic belief that marriage is static and should never change or end. We must be open to the fact that all things end, but we can maintain our sense of self and individuality through marriage. These beliefs make navigating the end of marriage more manageable. Reframing Assumptions We also need to reframe our assumptions about divorce — like the idea that divorce ends families and ruins children. It’s easy to view your divorce as abnormal, mysterious, and totally catastrophic, but with a growth mindset, you’ll see that divorce does not end families; it redefines them. Children from bi-nuclear families can be as happy and healthy as those in nuclear families. Divorce in itself is very typical, with about 60% of marriages ending this way. It doesn’t have to be a mystery. Many others have been through this process. Continue to believe you create your own life and influence outcomes, regardless of what may come. You can navigate divorce successfully. By accepting change, reframing our assumptions, and focusing on personal development, we transform divorce from a devastating endpoint into a powerful new beginning. As you move forward, remember that each step you take is a testament to your ability to adapt, grow, and flourish despite adversity. The Power of a Growth Mindset During Divorce E mbrace the C hange
Made with fresh, juicy peaches and a buttery, golden crust, this peach cobbler is the perfect blend of sweet and tart.
I ngredients • 6 cups sliced fresh peaches • 1/2 cup granulated sugar • 2 tbsp all-purpose flour • 1/4 tsp ground cinnamon • 1/4 tsp ground nutmeg • 2 cups all-purpose flour
• 1/3 cup packed brown sugar • 2 tsp baking powder • 1/2 tsp salt • 1/2 cup cold butter, cut into pieces • 1/2 cup milk • 2 tbsp butter, melted
D irections 1. Preheat oven to 375 F and grease an 8-inch square baking dish. 2. In a large bowl, combine peaches, sugar, 2 tbsp flour, cinnamon, and nutmeg; mix until blended, then spoon into prepared dish. 3. In a medium bowl, combine 2 cups flour, brown sugar, baking powder, and salt. 4. Cut in butter with forks or pastry knife until mixture resembles coarse crumbs. 5. Add milk and stir until just blended. 6. Drop dough by spoonfuls onto peach mixture and drizzle melted butter on top. 7. Bake for 40–45 minutes or until top is golden brown.
“L ife isn ’ t about finding yourself . L ife is about creating yourself .” –G eorge B ernard S haw
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211 Roswell St. NE Marietta, GA 30060 (866) 687-8561 www.allfamilylaw.com
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Self-Improvement Strategies During Divorce
Estate Planning Tips for College-Bound Kids Why Sally MacDonald Is the Backbone of Our Law Library Facing Divorce With Strength, Growth, and Optimism Perfect Peach Cobbler
Family Fun at the Tailgate
S core B ig W ith K id -F riendly T ailgates
Encourage your kids to show support for their team. Whether you’re a fan of the home or away team, you and your kids should wear the right colors to show your support. Let your kids pick out a shirt, jersey, hat, or other team-affiliated apparel to help them get involved. Finally, don’t forget about your child’s need for a nap. Be sure to bring pillows and a blanket for them, and set up a comfortable spot for them to rest when needed. Doing so will allow everyone to enjoy the upcoming game to the fullest.
Football season is underway, and many Americans will start spending their Saturdays and Sundays tailgating in stadium parking lots. It doesn’t matter if you’re going to an NFL or college game; tailgating is a great way to spend time with your friends and family before the big game. While many tailgates consist of adult activities like drinking alcohol and blasting loud music, many prefer to make it a family affair. If you plan to have kids at your tailgate, you need to ensure they have everything they need to have fun. Here are a few ways you can help your kids make the most of their day at the tailgate! Bring kid-friendly snacks and drinks. The average tailgate lasts a few hours, and most people enjoy at least one meal during that time frame. While most tailgate foods are simple appetizers and easy-to-make dishes, ask your kids or any kids attending if they want anything specific. Fill one of your coolers with sliced fruit and juice boxes to ensure your kids have a healthy food option and child-friendly drinks. Plan a few different activities. Your kids will get bored if there’s nothing to do at the tailgate besides listening to pregame coverage and talking to others. Invest in cornhole boards or other games, and see if someone in your group is comfortable with face painting. It doesn’t have to be extensive, but having a few kid-friendly activities prepared will keep boredom at bay.
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