Taking Care of You Make time for yourself to relax. Give your mind a break from the demands of caregiving, even if it’s just for a few minutes. Read a book, take a nap, see a movie, take a drive, keep up with a hobby, watch television, listen to music or talk on the phone with a friend. Join a support group or talk to a counselor. Find the format that works for you. Is it over the phone, on the Internet or meeting face to face? Is it easier to open up to a health professional, a spiritual leader or a group of other caregivers? Write in a journal. Research shows that writing can help relieve negative thoughts and feelings. Stages of Grief Developed by Elizabeth Kübler-Ross and introduced in her 1969 book “On Death and Dying,” the five stages of grief were designed to give us a framework for dealing with grief and/or the loss of a loved one. Not everyone will go through each of these stages and the stages may not be experienced in order. You may jump back and forth between stages before moving on to the next, or you may never experience one or more of the stages. There is no right or wrong way to deal with grief. It may be most helpful to look at these stages simply as a guide in the grieving process. DENIAL: The first reaction to learning of the terminal illness or loss of a loved one may be denial. Denial and shock help us cope and survive. As you accept the reality of your loss, you are beginning the healing process.
Look for the positive. Once a day, think about something that you found rewarding. This could be in your role as a caregiver, something that made you laugh, or even something as simple as a beautiful sunset. Keep up with your own medical needs. Keep current on all checkups, screenings and medications. Eat healthy meals. Eating well will help you keep up your strength. Get enough rest. Get enough sleep at night, take short naps if needed, and talk to your doctor if lack of sleep becomes a problem. Exercise. Any kind of exercise can help keep your body healthy. Aim for 30 minutes a day on most days of the week. ANGER: Anger can be directed at anyone and anything. The anger may not seem rational but is caused by the intense emotion of your feelings. Do not hide your anger. Instead, feel your anger and help yourself begin the healing process. BARGAINING: Sometimes bargaining is accompanied by guilt. You may keep asking yourself “what if.” You may even bargain with the pain you’re feeling. These are natural reactions and feelings as you make the attempt to regain control of your feelings and your life. DEPRESSION: Depression is an appropriate reaction — the loss of a loved one is depressing. This does not mean you have a mental illness. Sadness, regret and worry may also accompany depression. ACCEPTANCE: Not everyone reaches the stage of acceptance. Acceptance is not being “all right” with what has happened. It is more about recognizing that your loved one is permanently gone and that this new reality is a permanent reality.
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