WHEN THE PATIENT HAS A YOUNG CHILD
Don’t underestimate your child’s capacity to understand. Children are capable of understanding more than we often give them credit for. Children can cope with what they know. Follow their lead as you create an open dialogue about melanoma and how it is affecting their life. They will ask for what they need. Try not to over- explain things out of your own anxiety. Create normalcy for your child, as much as you can. When a family member is facing a melanoma diagnosis, it’s easy for the focus to shift entirely onto that person. Be mindful of this, and ensure that your child’s emotional needs are being met. WHEN COMMUNICATING WITH OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS AND FRIENDS You, or someone else, may be the main person updating friends and family about how the patient is doing. Ask the patient what information should be shared, and with whom. Emails, websites and blogs are simple and quick ways to connect with people if you don’t want to make phone calls. Sometimes close family members and friends may not agree on what should be done. Everyone brings their own set of beliefs and values to the table and may disagree on what they think is best. Holding a family meeting is one way to keep everyone involved. You can even ask a social worker or counselor to be there to mediate. It is important to remember that everyone is trying to do what they think is best for your loved one.
For some families, talking about serious issues is very difficult. However, avoiding the subject with your children can make a bad situation worse. Experts say that telling the truth about cancer is better than letting them imagine the worst. Don’t be afraid to let your children know how you are feeling and don’t assume they know what you are thinking. It is also important to find out what they are thinking and feeling. You may want to first talk to your children about what melanoma (or cancer) is. This could help them understand that they did not cause the melanoma, that they are not responsible for fixing the problem and that you cannot “catch” melanoma from another person. Let them know that it is okay to be upset, angry, scared or sad and that it is completely normal to have these feelings. Assure them that no matter what, they will always be taken care of and be okay. Younger children may prefer to draw a picture or play with a doll to express themselves. Teens may ask difficult questions or questions for which you don’t have answers. It is important to be honest with them and keep the lines of communication open at all times. Be prepared for questions and concerns about death from your children. Even if the prognosis is good, children may still worry. Tell them the truth, don’t guarantee a certain outcome, correct misinformation and reassure them that you will tell them if their loved one starts to get better or worse. Conclude by reiterating the fact that they will be taken care of no matter what happens.
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