to the mother, they forced the wife to make the decisions. Whose fault was it? As they continued their discussion, each side added more evidence to the initial points just stated. All that they said was true. These things did happen. Some husbands did go off and leave their wives to cope with the domestic situation. Some wives were slack in their home responsibilities. Everything they said proved the truth of Psalm 127:1: “ Except the Lord build . . . they labor in vain.” God, the only Builder, is constantly at work, and we must be willing laborers who are constantly prepared to work also. If we fail in our part, then God is limited in the Christian home. I spend much time in counseling with husbands and wives. As a result I have noticed one area in particular in the marriage relationship which is always in need of “ laboring.” I can illustrate this best in the words spoken to me this past summer by a wife in her early fifties. “My husband is good and kind ; he is a very good father to our children. But in recent years he simply takes me for granted. I feel like a piece o f mobile furniture. He never says the lovely things he used to say. I feel so un loved and lonely.” When I spoke to the husband, I asked him if he loved his wife. He looked most surprised and re plied, “ Of course I love her; why do you think I married her?” But he said it in such a way that it sounded dry and colorless and uninteresting. Since then I have felt burdened to speak to men about the subject of the Christian home, to urge them to consider their marriage relationship most earnestly. As the years go by, the wife may not be as lovely and attractive as she used to be. The tendency is to allow the affections to become, like wise, less lovely and less attractive. But it is espe cially then that she needs all the more love and kindness and tender affection. Here is an area where there needs to be some real heart-searching and where we need to work at it. Laboring isn’t always doing physical work. It is often making mental and spiritual adjustments and readjust ments. Wives also need to remember that this is equally as real and necessary in their attitude to their hus bands. As the years go by, the husband ceases to be the young, athletic character who first attracted them. Age slows him down and fills him out. But it is just then that he needs the extra love and admiration and the tender, willing sympathy of the only one who can truly understand him. Every man is still a boy at heart, and every wife should know this, and respond accordingly. In both cases, thé blessing only comes when we are prepared to take time to keep on laboring while God is still building. Before we leave this subject of building a home, we need to be sure that I Corinthians 3 :9-15 means something real in our experience. Verse 9 says that
Lord build . . it is in vain. It is possible to have the most glamorous of weddings, and yet to find the married life an ever-increasing source of frustra tion, for that is what “ in vain” can mean — frus tration, with all its senseless struggle and waste of time, money and energy. There is only one Builder, only one who holds the blueprint and decides the detail and structure of the home. He knows the end from the beginning. He promises and guarantees blessing and success if we commit our times and our ways into His hands. There is another half to this great truth in verse 1. There is only one Builder, but there must be two laborers. Here we can fail again in our building of a Christian home. God does the build ing, we do the laboring—but so many of us don’t like being laborers! We would rather do the order ing and telling and let someone else do the hard work. The laboring can be physical, mental, or spiritual. It may involve a willingness to adjust, to submit, to give way. It often means going without, a willingness to face reality and a determination not to shirk or avoid responsibility. These words sound good and pious. We all agree to them — on paper. But that isn’t enough for God. He wants two laborers who are prepared to take orders from Him, and then work. One point we often overlook is that God is always building. He is always on the move, always leading on to new plans and experiences. Because this is so, we must always be laboring. The only way to build a Christian home is to keep working at it.
“My husband is good and kind,
but he simply takes me for granted!"
This is often where the first cracks appear in a Christian marriage. One member of the marriage either grows tired of laboring, or never really set tles down to doing a real job of work, letting the load fall upon the other partner. Recently I sat in on a very honest discussion where husbands and wives were sharing this very problem. It began because one of the men said that in the United States, the women ruled the home— what they said counted most and the husbands had to agree, or else! These words were said with much humor, but there was a gentle sense of resentment behind them. Then one of the wives challenged the men. What else could they expect? The men shirked their jobs in the home, they left the rearing of the children
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THE KING'S BUSINESS
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