T A L K IN G IT O V E R with Dr. Clyde M. Narramore
OUR DAUGHTER HAS A HEART OF STONE
Dr. Narramore, graduate of Columbia University, New York City, is a Rationally known psychologist. He Is the director of one of America's
Q. Please advise us what we can do to help our daughter. She is 13 % years of age and has a heart of stone. It worries us that she has no com passion f o r anyone or anything. When a close relative was killed re cently in an automobile accident, she never shed a tear nor voiced one thing about it except to say, “ Well, we weren’t too close to her, so why get upset?” When her grandmother died, she showed no emotion what ever and acted as if to say, “ Well, so what?” She hates church, criticizes the preacher and his wife, and she has no friends. There are girls her own age in our neighborhood, but she doesn’t like them. Her mother was ill recently, but she didn’t even ask what was wrong. She was uncon cerned. When we have family devo tions, she acts as if she is bored to death. She doesn’t seem to have any love for anyone. I am really con cerned for her future. A. Many young people are undemon strative, reserved, secretive and re strained in expressing their true feelings. You have taken the first step in solving the problem by admitting that it does exist. There are reasons why she is acting and reacting the way she is. They may be on an un conscious level, but you may be sure behind such behavior there a r e causes. How much real love and af fection has your daughter received from you through the years? To be loved and wanted is a basic psycho logical need that surges in the heart of every human being. It is the “ sweet mystery of life” — and all the world is seeking it. One can never be his best if he is not loved and wanted. From the time he is a tiny baby in his mother’s arms until he becomes an elderly man, one needs to feel that he is valued and loved. Love adds zest to living, and it keeps one at his best so that he does not yield to undue stress and strain. Those who have been given love and affection find it easy to love others. They are confident, relaxed and happy. They are more likely to
largest psychological clinics— The Christian Counseling center in Rosemead, California. have faith in people and get along well with others. The reason psychologists delve in to an analysis of an individual is to help them understand the “why” of behavior. It reveals the motives be hind the actions. It is a way of learn ing the reasons why people act as they do. If the need for love is not met in a person’s life, he may develop attitudes and tendencies which will affect his entire personality. He may resort to behavior that will shape his whole life in a distorted pattern. Love is learned. The ability to give and receive affection is something that is acquired. It grows and de velops as a person lives with those who express their love to each other. A child who is reared in a family where there is a warm, cordial re lationship soon learns to be a warm, cordial person. But when a youngster is brought up in a home where love is scarce, he looks upon affection as a strange, peculiar thing — some thing that makes him feel uncom fortable and ill at ease. I believe it would be very bene ficial to each member of your family to seek out a Christian counselor, discuss your problems in detail and discover the cause or causes of your daughter’s behavior. It may result in a fuller, happier life for all of you. “ Beloved, let us love one another; for love (springs) from God, and he who loves (his fellow men) is begot ten (born) of God and is coming (progressively) to know and under stand God — to perceive and recog nize and get a better and clearer knowledge of Him” (I John 4:7 — Amplified Bible). CAN'T ACCEPT SON-IN-LAW Q. How can we learn to accept our son-in-law whom we do not admire? How can we overcome a feeling of
resentment? We pray and hope for his salvation, and believe God can solve every problem, but we are not resolving this one. A. It is difficult for parents who love their children and for whom they have dreamed successful and happy lives to accept less than the ideal they have set for them. It is especial ly hard to have them marry someone whom they think is unworthy or someone who has no interest in spir itual things. However, your eyes may be overlooking some very fine quali ties in your son-in-law because of your prejudice. If your daughter fell in love with him, she undoubtedly saw something worthy in him and feels very keenly your lack of in terest and acceptance of her choice. “ Everyone is worth understand ing” is our slogan. It is worth con sidering. If we can get close enough to another person to understand him, often our dislike will be melted. It can be replaced by the kind of love Christ had for all the unlovely. The strange part o f it is that when we ask Him for this kind of love, He not only gives it to us but it works a miracle on the one to whom we show it. I dare say the salvation of your son-in-law depends largely upon the Christian love you show him. If you do not show him any, you can not expect him to want what you have. He can undoubtedly get more understanding than that from his non-Christian friends. If we have taught our children the Scriptural view of marriage and the importance of obedience to the ad monitions of the Word of God re garding the unequal yoke, and they still marry an unbeliever, then all we can do is accept that one and pray for their salvation. Rejection will never win him, but love and accept ance will.
THE KING'S BUSINESS
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