Confessions of a payroll manager – “Charity starts in the ofce”
A s the nights draw in and the we are reminded that it is, indeed, a ‘time for giving’. Yes, there may be presents to buy, an array of decorations to hang and more food to purchase than can ever be comfortably consumed, but charity – giving to those less fortunate than ourselves, those in need, also draws our attention. The payroll team decided that, with the festive period looming, there could be no better time to promote the payroll giving scheme than now. weather grows colder, our thoughts invariably turn to Christmas and The scheme is operated through payroll and offers a tax efficient way, particularly for those that pay in the higher tax threshold, to donate regularly direct from pay. With a scheme ready for employees to join and with so many worthy charities to give to, the only question was which charities should receive the donations? Enter the payroll team – stage right. With half of the team in the office and the remainder at home, we held a hybrid Zoom/live meeting in the boardroom with Stevie, Tom, Evie and Tony dialling in. Amy Kitchen, our newest apprentice, hurriedly wrote each suggestion on post-it notes and stuck them to the white board, beaming with excitement. However, we realised that there must have been some issues with hearing/comprehension (possibly due to broadband issues) when we read some of them back – I really don’t think the ‘Wake a Fish Foundation’ is a thing! Another anonymous episode revealing the world of payroll featuring payroll avatar, Penelope (‘Penny’) Fortham, who is payroll manager at the nation’s favourite biscuit makers Crumbitt’s Confections.
After some deliberation (and a few rounds of ‘rock, paper, scissors’) the team selected three local charities to come along to the factory for a ‘meet and greet’ lunchtime session to promote their good causes. The charities were the Barkleydale Juniors Football Team, the Prickles Wildlife Hospital and the Barkleydale Amateur Performance Society. Tom was tasked with contacting and inviting all three charities to join us and Jace printed off a pile of application forms for payroll giving, with a target of enrolling fifty new colleagues onto the scheme. At the mention of charity, Mr Crumbitt, of course, offered to open the event and provide samples of his new ‘spice up your life’ chilli biscuits to all who attended. I think, over the course of the pandemic, we may have forgotten some of the fundamentals of organising actual real life, in-person events. Things like limiting numbers isn’t so vital on Zoom, but when forty colleagues all show up at the same time, trying to get through the same door down the same corridor – it’s not so simple as muting them all. Add in a basket that’s slowly releasing footballs through a hole in the bottom, and a gaggle of excitable children in moth-eaten football kits who have taken Mr Crumbitt at his word and overindulged so much in the ‘eat as many biscuits as you like’ invitation that they are running entirely on sugar and fat, and it’s a recipe for disaster. The Prickles Wildlife Hospital came along with five hedgehogs, which suddenly became just one and a mad hog hunt ensued. The Barkleydale Amateur Performance Society saw the opportunity for drama and turned the whole thing into a kind of ‘whodunnit’ farce complete with a Sherlock Holmes-style character and a
magnifying glass made from aluminium foil, a ruler and a handful of glacier mints. The children, still buzzing on sugar, found three of the hedgehogs huddled together in the office cleaning cupboard. The remaining escapee was found curled up asleep in a punctured football, which was gently rocking against one of the factory machines. It was one of the most chaotic hours the team had experienced since the late realisation of tax week 53 when about to start the year-end process. However, once the footballs had all been gathered up, the hedgehogs put safely back in their cages and the dramatic song and dance finale of ‘ Where’s My Hedgehog? ’ had concluded, we were surprised to see a huge pile of new application forms… 63 to be precise, including all the payroll team (as ever, leading by example). A calming cup of tea later, I reflected that payroll can make a difference beyond just getting people paid and perhaps for the next year or so the football team would have a kit (and a basket without a hole), the hedgehogs a supply of fresh food, bedding and veterinary care and the performers would have the funding for putting on a new show. Payroll is something to be proud of and somewhere to make a difference. With murmurings that one of next year’s charities could be the local donkey sanctuary, I have a feeling the next open day could be even more eventful! n The Editor: Any resemblance to any payroll manager or professional alive or dead, or any payroll department or organisation whether apparently or actually portrayed in this article is simply fortuitous.
| Professional in Payroll, Pensions and Reward | November 2021 | Issue 75 52
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