COMING OUT
TIPS FROM ME
If you’re thinking of coming out here are some tips to consider:
TIPS FROM ME & MAMMY By Konrad Im & Carmel Im Coming out refers to when someone who is LGBTI+ begins to tell others about their LGBTI+ identity. In most cases, coming out can be a very positive experience and can provide a person with some relief knowing they don’t have to hide their identity. Everyone’s experience is different, and people can come out at any age, and in a lot of cases people come out multiple times in life as they change schools, jobs, move homes, or meet new people. However, it’s your decision alone who and when you want to come out. In the Sexual Health Centre, through our LGBTI+ sexual health support service I offer free one-to-one support to those struggling with the coming out process. We also offer support to the family and peers that might be finding it difficult to adjust to their loved ones sharing their sexual identity with them.
Think Ahead Think, process, and chat about your expectations so that you can be prepared for positive and negative reactions. Think about how you might answer any questions you could be asked like “how do you know you are?”. Often coming out involves being asked lots of questions, but remember, you only need to answer questions you feel comfortable with and you don’t need to have all the answers either!! We can all sometimes overthink situations and it is important to chat to someone about this Test Reactions Some people like to see how their loved ones might react to different LGBTI+ related issues. This might be asking what they think of an LGBTI+ celebrity, listening to how they speak about other LGBTI+ people in public or if they see an LGBTI+ person on TV or movies, asking what they think of marriage equality, and sometimes examining how they react to other emotional events in their lives. This could let you know if it’s safe or good timing to come out to them. However, often we react differently when we see something affect a loved one and we are not “on the outside looking in”.
Timing If you’re going to come out to others, think about timing and location. It might not be the best idea to come out to someone in a public place, or at a large family event. Often, it’s best to sit someone down in a safe place and you can have their full attention. If you’re nervous or anxious about how they might react, you can ask a supportive friend, relative or professional, to be there with you when you tell others. Always consider what is the safest option for you. Talk to Others No matter what stage of the coming out process you are in, it’s always good to talk to others. If you are not comfortable telling any friends or loved ones yet, there are LGBTI+ organisations, helplines and services all over Ireland that you can seek support from. People dedicated to supporting you and others like you are there to be a listening ear, to give you a space to get things off your chest, and to help ease your stress. Check out lgbt.ie for a list of great LGBTI+ community organisations that can help and support you in your area. It might feel difficult or daunting but taking that first step, reaching out for support will be worth it. Some parents, regardless of age, need a little more time to rethink and adjust to what you’ve told them. This can be because they have a preconceived idea of what they thought your future might be, and this new information alters what they planned or expected for you. It’s important to have patience with your loved ones and allow them some time to adjust to the new information. I was lucky enough to not have to come out in the typical ways portrayed on TV or in movies where it’s a massive deal, or a major life changing scene. However, in preparing for this article I asked my own mother about what my coming out meant to her.
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