TIPS FROM MAMMY
Is there any advice or message you’d like to share with other parents whose child might be struggling with coming out? The most important thing is to provide love, acceptance, and support within the home. I have met so many young people through Konrad, and some had to stay in our home as their parents rejected them. Every child deserves love and acceptance. Do some research by reaching out to local LGBTI+ organisations to find out what resources are available for you to support your child. As parents, and as a heteronormative society in general, we don’t know enough about LGBTI+ issues, such as physical, mental, and sexual health outcomes. The reason I say, ask in your local organisation is because things are different everywhere. In Cork there are so many groups/organisations now offering support from a very young age, to the older person still struggling with being LGBTI+ (sometimes it’s not a child but an older sibling, family member, friend who has kept their feelings hidden for years, and it can be actually harder for them). Become an ally by getting involved in the LGBTI+ community. Attend things like Pride, LGBTI+ awareness workshops, or the very many events going on in the community. Just go along and join in even if only sitting there and having cup tea, coffee or even a cheeky glass of wine on occasion. Show your child that you’re supportive of the LGBTI+ community. Sometimes your family or friends might not react immediately how you expect. Your newly announced LGBTI+ identity might be a shock to them that they need to process. It’s important to be patient. If you think your family won’t react well, we’d advise you to hold off telling them until you’re living independently. If you absolutely need to get it off your chest, consider having a back-up plan. A supportive relative or friend that you can stay with should you need. Your happiness is what’s important.
When did you first realise Konrad was gay? It’s hard to explain but I just knew. I was very lucky to have been raised by very open-minded parents and brought up to accept people as they are. It was just something I knew. As a mum of 8 sons and one of 10 children, you just know your own child and their ways. Konrad never had to come out to us. Yes, I suppose the first time I knew he was comfortable about being open to others, especially his 7 brothers and maybe his father, was when he introduced us to his first boyfriend. His older brothers especially did worry about others reaction, always said they would be there if he ever needed help. As I always say, my other 7 sons didn’t have to sit me down and come out to me as heterosexual. How did you feel at first when you found out? Parents naturally have their own plans for what they expect their child’s life to be, but I have always had a very relaxed attitude to my children and their future lives, once they were happy, healthy, and respectful to others as I raised them. Being busy with 8 sons, I never thought that far ahead in any of our lives. I take each week as it comes and we as a family strive to live a good decent life, never harm and always respect others. When a son chose what he wanted to do in life, I supported them to my best ability. I was probably more worried about others’ attitude as my boys are Eurasian and we had to put up with racism and bigotry from the day their father and I met in 1977.
How have those feelings changed?
I love him from the day he was put in my arms and before that. I have become more confident about standing up to others and having my say when they’re being bigoted. I do get very annoyed when people say, “Oh you must have been heartbroken and so worried”. I can never understand remarks like that. It’s sounds as if my LGBTI+ child has to prove himself more than his brothers to others which is not the case. Being different in Ireland has always been hard but definitely it’s gotten easier. What ways has
Konrad coming out changed your life?
For some, when our biological families can’t accept us for who we are, we need to create our own chosen families. Many LGBTI+ people have created amazing chosen families made up of friends and allies that they feel loved, empowered, and supported by. Others are lucky to have both a supportive biological family and need further support from a chosen family.
Konrad being so actively involved in the LGBTI+ Community has opened all our lives. He is like a duplicate of my beloved father, Bernie Kennedy with his love of supporting what and where he can in a community and the world. For me, it’s given me a chance to meet and interact with some of the most talented, creative, and loving people in the world. It’s also helped me to be more respectful and empathetic towards others, as some people, especially my age group, born 1959, are still only getting comfortable seeing the much needed LGBTI+ visibility in the movies, on tv, and on the streets, and learning/adjusting new terminology that we might not have known about growing up in a less inclusive society.
You deserve to be happy and free to be you. Remember, you don’t have to rush to come out to anyone. Take your time and only come out when you feel like you’re ready.
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