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Co-Parenting During the Holidays THE IMPORTANCE OF PUTTING KIDS FIRST
ith October arriving, it’s hard to believe that the holiday season is just over the horizon. The holidays are a joyous time, but they can
spouse. Kids having a good relationship with Mom benefits Dad, and vice versa.
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also be stressful, especially if you’re trying to hash out co-parenting responsibilities. I work on a lot of family law cases, and how holidays will be handled is always a talking point. With open dialogue and an eye toward compromise, I firmly believe you can create a plan that honors traditions and works for both parents. Most importantly, it needs to work for the kids.
Every study I’ve ever read stresses the importance of letting both parents have access to the kids over the holidays. Obviously, you should honor family traditions, but you have to be cognizant of the needs of both parties. If proximity isn’t an issue, you can arrange for holidays and holiday weekends to be split among parents. Alternating is another option. Every case is different, but what matters most is a solution that doesn’t engender animosity between parties. If you spend time badmouthing the other parent to your children over the holiday season, it can be devastating for them. Now, I understand that you want your children to have the best holiday season possible. Thanksgiving and Christmas in particular really matter to kids, and you feel pressure to deliver a great experience. But I’m guessing your co-parent wants to do the exact same thing. If you’re at odds with each other, you’ll both end up failing. Kids are smart, and they can sense anger and resentment just as well as adults can. These are not easy issues to talk about, especially when they are new. You may have spent last year eating turkey and opening presents together, and all of a sudden you have to create a new plan. No matter how stressed out you feel, however, you can’t let it affect the little ones that you are raising together. The kids should always be at the top of the food chain. With Halloween just around the corner, I want to take the time to wish everyone reading this a wonderful holiday season. I’m looking forward to seeing Spartanburg come together for a festive few months. I hope that no matter what your family situation is, you can create a memorable holiday for your loved ones. Family is the most important thing, and as I’ve gotten older, that’s become even more apparent to me.
The way I see it, family law cases are basically two different cases happening simultaneously. The first one involves the splitting of assets between Mom and Dad. The second — and more crucial — one involves dealing with the kids. No matter how contentious the first case gets, you cannot let it trickle down into the second. Every parent wants what’s best for their kids, but it can be hard to be selfless with these matters.
Look, this may sound harsh, but you have to remember that your kids are not exclusively yours. Everyone knows that you need to put your kids first, but acting it out during a divorce is another matter. Divorce is hard on kids, but it becomes a whole lot harder when you create opposition between children and their other parent. Even if your relationship has ended, that doesn’t mean you can’t be polite and courteous with your former
“
Kids having a good relationship with Mom benefits Dad, and vice versa.
– Bob Holland 864.582.0416
Do Kids’ Menus Do More Harm THAN GOOD?
Kids can be picky eaters. This is a fact recognized by parents and restaurants alike — hence the classic children’s menu featured at many restaurants around the country. These menus are virtually identical: chicken tenders, mac and cheese, grilled cheese, french fries, and so on. Kids’ menus are loaded with fried foods and cheap carbs. Some parents love the kids’ menu. It makes deciding on food easier. Or, at least, that’s what we tell ourselves. Kids’ menus are populated with foods practically every kid loves. But they have a dark side. Aside from poor nutrition, the kids’ menu changes the family dynamic. In an interview with Eater.com, television chef and host Alton Brown (who you may know from “Good Eats,” “Iron Chef America,” and “Cutthroat Kitchen”) said, “Never, ever, ever, ever, ever let your kid eat from the children’s menu at restaurants and never, ever, ever make your kid special food to allow them to avoid whatever the family is eating.”
culinary control to your kids. The next time you go out as a family or you make a delicious meal at home, they are more likely to demand “their” food.
This is a habit a child can quickly adopt — and a habit that’s tough to break. Kids are picky eaters because, as parents and adults, we let them be picky eaters. We perpetuate bad habits. But it doesn’t have to be this way. In a Mom.me article, Dr. Cara Natterson suggests kids eat what the rest of the family eats. For instance, let them indulge in the appetizer menu, then build up to the entrée menu and let them share and sample your food. Encourage culinary exploration. When you encourage your kids to avoid the children’s menu, you give them an opportunity to expand their flavor horizons. More importantly, it helps them make healthier choices that aren’t loaded with fat and empty carbs. Make going out to dinner a learning experience, and before you know it, the phrase “kids’ menu” will have disappeared from your family’s vocabulary.
Why? During his “Alton Brown Live!” tour, he explained that it comes down to control. By giving kids the option of the children’s menu, you relinquish
Client Testimonial SEE WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT US
“I have never been treated so well by anyone. As someone who didn’t understand the process or language Rob was extremely understanding and patient with me through the whole thing. The way they handle their clients is top class; they always return phone calls and email messages, even on Saturdays! Camila and Pam were always so helpful and never made me feel like I was a burden with any of my calls, questions, or concerns. They never made me feel in any way that they were not 100 percent taking care of my case and had my
back. I never felt alone and knew that Rob was always with me during the entire process. They definitely made me feel better about a very stressful situation. I would gladly recommend this firm any day of the week and twice on Sundays! I just can’t say enough good things about them. I am very thankful I went with my gut and chose this firm to handle my case and am very thankful to them for the outcome.”
–Brianna A.
www.bhollandlawfirm.com
18 Wheels of Danger TRUCK ACCIDENT CASES
Car accidents of any kind are a serious matter, but none more so than accidents with an 18-wheeler. Trucks can haul a maximum capacity of 80,000 pounds. That amount of weight moving at a high speed can do literally tons of damage, especially when compared to the weight of the average passenger car. This disparity can cause far more severe injuries. But it makes your case more complicated as a result.
In a normal car accident, the fault tends to lie with one of the two drivers involved. But in a trucking case, the trucking company may share blame in a variety of ways, like hiring unqualified drivers or allowing truckers to drive beyond legal hourly limits. Some trucks are also equipped with black- box data, which means evidence can be scientific in nature. Further, the trucking industry is heavily regulated, meaning grounds for fault are more nuanced than a simple question of which vehicle had the right of way. Determining all the issues at stake in these cases may require an in-depth investigation. Areas of concern include faulty equipment, improper hiring, poor training, inadequate supervision, faulty maintenance, and more. Handling all of this on your own is nearly impossible in ideal circumstances, let alone if you’re dealing with serious injuries and a bureaucratic medical system. If you are injured in a trucking accident, you need an experienced attorney that will act fast to make sure you don’t lose evidence, settle for less than you deserve, or end up struggling to pay for hospital bills. The attorneys at Holland & Usry will handle the legal issues so you can focus on getting better. Our first question is, “What can we do to help?” We don’t stop fighting until justice is served.
Good News
SAUSAGE AND BARLEY SOUP
2 Kings 20:5 from The Message
I’ve listened to your prayer and I’ve observed your tears. I’m going to heal you.
It’s a great time of year to warm up with a cup of soup, and this comforting, guilt-free dish comes together in a flash.
Ingredients
•
Cooking spray
• 1 (14½-ounce) can Italian-style stewed tomatoes, undrained and chopped ¼ cup uncooked quick-cooking barley 1 cup coarsely chopped fresh baby spinach 3. Add stir-fry puree, tomatoes, and barley to sausage in pan. Bring mixture to a boil over high heat; cover, reduce heat to low, and simmer 10 minutes. Stir in spinach; cook 1 minute or until spinach wilts. • •
•
6 ounces turkey breakfast sausage
•
2½ cups frozen bell pepper stir-fry
•
2 cups water
Directions
1. Heat a large saucepan over medium-high heat. Coat pan with cooking spray. Add
sausage; cook 3 minutes or until browned. Remove from heat.
2. While sausage cooks, place
stir-fry and 2 cups water in a blender; process until smooth.
Recipe courtesy of CookingLight.com.
864.582.0416
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* This newsletter is intended to educate the public about personal injury, workers’ compensation, criminal defense, and family law issues. You can copy and distribute it as long as you copy the entire newsletter. But the newsletter is not intended to be legal advice; you should ask a lawyer about your specific case. Every case is different, and all case outcomes depend on unique facts and laws.
101 W. St. John St., Suite 206 Spartanburg, SC 29306
INSIDE this issue
1
Co-Parenting During the Holidays
2
Do Kids’ Menus Do More Harm Than Good? Testimonial
3
18 Wheels of Danger Sausage and Barley Soup
4
The Origins of Fear
If you no longer want to receive this newsletter, call Pam at 864.582.0416 or email rob@bhollandlawfirm.com
Which Fears Are Instinctual,
AND WHICH ARE LEARNED?
Where does fear come from? As the jack-o’- lanterns show their grinning, glowing faces and skeletons, cobwebs, and gravestones adorn yards around the neighborhood, it’s a question hanging in many of our minds. When you recoil from the giant mechanical spider suspended above your neighbor’s garage, is that fear instinctual, or is it learned? According to the Association for Psychological Science, there are only two fears we inherit at birth: the fear of falling and the fear of loud sounds. A 1960 study, conducted by psychologists Gibson and Walk for Cornell University, sought to investigate depth perception in human and animal species. They suspended a sheet of transparent plexiglass about 4 feet off the ground and covered one half of it with a checkerboard-pattern cloth, creating a simulated
cliff. Infants, both human and animal, were then encouraged by their caregivers, usually their mothers, to crawl off the “cliff” onto the clear half of the platform. Both avoided stepping over what they perceived as a sharp drop, and pre- crawling-age infants showed heightened cardiac distress on the “suspended” side. Coupled with this innate fear of plummeting to the ground is something called the Moro reflex, one of several involuntary reflexes healthy newborn infants have at birth. Often called the “startle reflex,” it occurs when a baby is startled by a loud sound or movement, especially a falling motion. The reflex usually triggers the newborn to lift and spread their arms as if grasping for support, followed by crying. Though the Moro reflex usually disappears at around 5 to 6 months of age, our instinctive aversion to sudden loud noises stays with us throughout our lives.
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