One Step Forward One Step Forward Finding Courage and Support on the Trail
Stories of Hope & Healing
H iki n g a n un fa m ilia r tr ail , I r eali z ed heali n g af t e r ab ort i on m igh t m ea n mov i n g f orw a r d s ca r ed — a n d a s ki n g f or hel p w he n I n eed i t . Hiking an unfamiliar trail, I realized healing after abortion might mean moving forward scared— and asking for help when I need it.
I w a s p la nn i n g to d o on e o f t he ot he r ac t i v i t ie s , b ut t he “ ch oos e a di r ec t i on i n a n un fa m ilia r p a rt o f t he tr ail ” beca m e a n ece ss i ty . H urr ica n e H ele n e r ece nt l y ca m e t h rou gh our a r ea , a n d t he tr ail s I k now i n my fa vor i t e n a tur e pr e s e rv e w e r e bl o cked d u e to s afe ty ha z a r d s . I t h ou gh t ab out t h os e qu e st i ons i n t he C halle n ge g u ide : “ W ha t fea rs a r e h o ldi n g m e back f rom heali n g af t e r t he ab ort i on ( s )? H ow ca n I t ake on e st e p f orw a r d , e v e n if I d on ’ t k now w he r e i t w ill lead ?” I t h ou gh t ab out h ow I n eed to t alk ab out i t to wor k t h rou gh all I ’ m feeli n g , b ut I d on ’ t w a nt a nyon e to k now ab out my ab ort i on . I ’ m af r aid o f t hei r r eac t i ons , w ha t t he y m igh t s a y , h ow t he y m igh t tr ea t m e diffe r e nt l y . I ’ m h on e st l y al so af r aid o f ge tt i n g i nto my own head . I k now I j ust kee p pus hi n g t hi n g s d own so I d on ’ t ha v e to deal w i t h t he r ela t i ons hi p or my feeli n g s ab out i t a n d t he ab ort i on . I’m feeling, but I don’t want anyone to know about my abortion. I’m afraid of their reactions, what they might say, how they might treat me differently. I’m honestly also afraid of getting into my own head. I know I just keep pushing things down so I don’t have to deal with the relationship or my feelings about it and the abortion. A s I ke pt w alki n g , a n d w alki n g , a n d w alki n g - beca us e I did n ’ t k now w he r e I w a s g o i n g or w he r e t hi s tr ail wou ld lead , I fel t t e ns i on r i s i n g . M y hea rt w a s st a rt i n g to bea t fa st e r — a n d not beca us e I w a s d o i n g a n i nv ig or a t i n g hike . I st a rt ed t hi n ki n g , W ha t if I n e v e r fi n d my w a y out o f he r e ? W ha t if I d on ’ t ha v e a cell s ig n al ? W ha t w ill I d o w he n i t ge ts da r k soon ? T he n I s a w t hi s bla z e . W hile I had n ’ t bee n on t he y ell ow tr ail bef or e , t ha t bla z e r e m i n ded m e t ha t som e on e had . P ro babl y m a ny som e on e s . A n d t he r e i s a p a t h t h rou gh — I j ust n eed to kee p mov i n g f orw a r d . A n d m a y be a s k f or hel p w he n I spot som e on e el s e fa rt he r ahead o f m e on t hi s tr ail . A n d I r eali z ed , t he s a m e i s tru e f or heali n g af t e r ab ort i on . O t he r p e op le ha v e bee n a n g ry a n d s ca r ed a n d h urt i n g - like m e . I t hi n k my “ on e st e p f orw a r d ” i s to fi n all y call t he A f t e r A b ort i on L i n e , t alk to som e on e a nonymous l y , a n d ge t som e hel p . O h , a n d i t too k a w hile — a n d a s ki n g f or hel p f rom a not he r hike r — b ut I e v e ntu all y g ot back to a fa m ilia r p a rt o f t he n a tur e pr e s e rv e ! Then I saw this blaze. While I hadn’t been on the yellow trail before, that blaze reminded me that someone had. Probably many someones. And there is a path through — I just need to keep moving forward. And maybe ask for help when I spot someone else farther ahead of me on this trail. And I realized, the same is true for healing after abortion. Other people have been angry and scared and hurting - like me. I think my “one step forward” is to finally call the After Abortion Line, talk to someone anonymously, and get some help. Oh, and it took awhile—and asking for help from another hiker — but I eventually got back to a familiar part of the nature preserve! I was planning to do one of the other activities, but the “choose a direction in an unfamiliar part of the trail” became a necessity. Hurricane Helene recently came through our area, and the trails I know in my favorite nature preserve were blocked due to safety hazards. I thought about those questions in the Challenge guide: “What fears are holding me back from healing after the abortion(s)? How can I take one step forward, even if I don’t know where it will lead?” I thought about how I need to talk about it to work through all As I kept walking, and walking, and walking - because I didn’t know where I was going or where this trail would lead, I felt tension rising. My heart was starting to beat faster — and not because I was doing an invigorating hike. I started thinking, What if I never find my way out of here? What if I don’t have a cell signal? What will I do when it gets dark soon?
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