VIDEO FEATURE
speed on the news the way my wife was 26 years ago. My daughter knows about... A fast among the Kardashians? Yes. A famine among the Somalis? No. Nor do contemporary beautiful women seem to have much sense of where To-Hell-and- Gone is, or much sense of geography at all. When my daughter was in prep school one of the international students invited her home for spring break. Daughter: “What’s the big deal? We’re just talking about going to China for a week.” Me: “Where do your friend’s parents live in China?” Daughter: “Oh, I don’t know. Someplace nice.” Me: “China is a big country.” Daughter: “So is Florida. And you let me fly there to see my grandparents.” Thus, if I were young again, and calling a beautiful woman from To-Hell-and-Gone in the Somali desert, and the call somehow got through, the conversation would probably sound like this: Me: “Hi, I’m in Somalia...” Beautiful Woman: “Uh, that’s nice.” Me: “I’m out in the middle of the Somali desert in someplace called Baidoa...” Beautiful Woman: “Bilbao?” Me: “In Somalia...” Beautiful Woman: “Isn’t Bilbao, like, in Spain?” Me: “With Operation Restore Hope...” Beautiful Woman: “Hope you like it. Sorry, just got a Tweet. Have to go.”
WHAT DOES GOOGLE GOOGLE ? IT GOOGLES YOU! As Tucker Carlson reported on Tucker Carlson Tonight , your phone is a stalker. I’ve known Tucker since he was a kid writing for The Weekly Standard . I’m a big fan, but... thanks, Tucker, for scaring the worldwide web out of us. Fortunately, I hardly ever use my iPhone. If Google is collecting information on me, it’s finding out that “He’s in his cuff link drawer.” But for those of you who carry “Satan’s spyglass” around all the time, I’m turning things over to American Consequences ’ younger, more tech- savvy Assistant Editor Chris Gaarde who’ll tell you how to kill “The Beast With a Million Eyes.” – P.J. O’Rourke Here’s where to disable this type of location tracking on your phone... On an Android phone: Settings -> Location -> Google Location Settings -> Choose e-mail account (from dropdown) -> Turn Off On an iPhone: Settings -> Privacy -> Location Services On a “dumbphone”: Do nothing! One of the benefits of not keeping up with the latest and greatest. – Chris Gaarde
American Consequences 63
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