Emotional Suppression in Boys
Importance of Teaching Language BY AMELIA ROESSLER
W e might see boys mask sadness with anger, internalize shame, and have more moments of acting out. They’re told to shake things off, don’t cry, be tough. And when the anger comes, people might say, “Oh, boys will be boys.” Dr. Alyssa Lucker, the medical director at Pathlight Mood and Anxiety Center, says over time, boys are taught that it’s not appropriate to express emotion. While she says boys and girls both have the ability to express emotions, she thinks boys aren’t taught emotional vocabulary when girls are. “If boys aren’t taught that emotional vocabulary, it’s hard for them to distinguish their feelings. They don’t know what’s going on,” says Dr. Lucker. “Maybe they’re feeling
“There’s always a reason for why someone is acting, the way they’re doing it,” she explains. Without proper language, boys might express externally as irritability, shutting down, acting out, or aggression. Dr. Lucker believes emotional suppression also involves how the parents were raised. If parents don’t feel comfortable talking about emotions because they never talked about them growing up, it’s unlikely they’ll be comfortable talking about it with their kids. While Dr. Lucker says emotional suppression is seen more in boys than girls, she turns to language to see signs of emotional suppression. Through observation, parents can label what they see—say a boy getting mad and throwing toys—and acknowledge to the boy that they looked upset and ask if
frustration, or they can’t separate them out.” With no words to accurately express what they’re feeling, boys might turn to anger. Along with encompassing other emotions, anger gives a sense of protection for boys afraid to show vulnerability, Dr. Lucker explains. UNDERSTANDING WHAT’S DRIVING IT Trying to understand what is driving a tantrum, or an outburst, or aggression is the first step. Look at what came before the behavior, what the behavior was, and then what was the consequence. Maybe a child was trying to express they were hungry and didn’t have the words, but they knew that throwing a tantrum gets a parent’s attention and gets their needs met.
16 COLORADO PARENT MAY 2026
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