may appear energized, glamorous, and “Best Mom” award-worthy, try not to compare the camera-ready, tiny snippets of a 24-hour day you see with your everyday mundane. “If she appears to have it together, no one will see her as weak, needy, or ungrateful for the life she worked hard to build,” notes Mosier, “Yet, two things can be true. We can be grateful for what we have and still feel restless, overwhelmed, or even despairing at times.” The reality is that at the end of the night, being the chef, chauffeur, nurse, therapist, secretary, etc. is tiring; and when our heads hit the pillow, we still manage to make time to worry if we are doing enough to be the best mom, wife, worker, friend, etc. BREAKING THE CYCLE It takes a village, as they say, and friends become the family we choose. A support network that is also in the thick of parenthood can help forge a community in which to gain support and maybe do a little venting, too. Mosier echoes, “Having other moms to commiserate with isn’t just fun, it’s integral. It helps us normalize the extreme range of emotions so common to parenting, lets us laugh and cry about it together. And when we share our struggles, it gives other moms permission to do the same.” Realizing we are all conductors of our own little hot mess express trains is truly a thing of beauty. But sometimes the pressure to keep up can be overwhelming. With mental health awareness being commonplace, it is reassuring to know that it is okay to ask for help, too. Whether you are a mom trying to be perfect, or a mom who thinks she’s not doing enough, at the end of the day, parenting is messy for all of us, even for the moms who avoid the topic and share only the good stuff. Motherhood is full of unglamorous, unavoidable experiences that cross every divide we may possess. Consider this: If you ever feel a shred of jealousy looking at a snap of that picture-perfect family, every baby is a ticking time bomb—it only takes one little half-smile and a tiny grunt for a blown-out diaper up the back to retire a super cute outfit for good. And every toddler is one “this ketchup is too spicy” away from a tantrum. And our teenagers all find their snark during puberty. So, log off of social media for a bit, spend some time with fellow messy-moms, live your life honestly, and just know that children don’t need perfection— they just need a mom who is present, loving, and you.
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