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O vercoming O ur F ears O N N A T I O N A L T A K E A C H A N C E D A Y
APRIL 2022
has carried me through my career as a litigator. The funny thing is that no matter how long I have been doing this and how much success I have had along the way, I always feel some combination of adrenaline and nerves when it’s time to perform. I firmly believe that when that feeling of butterflies in your stomach disappears, you lose your edge. Starting a business was another choice I made that was scary and a leap of faith. I left a good job to start a law firm with no clients and no employees. Leaving the stability and predictability that comes with employment is terrifying. That saying, “What you don’t know won’t hurt you,” suddenly had new meaning for me. I didn’t overthink the choice, but I also had no idea what I was really getting into. It took years of struggle and learning the hard way, but I never regret the decision. Owning my business has been and continues to be a source of constant personal and professional growth and ultimately growth comes from the struggle. But here we are 11 years later with about 20 employees and on our third expanded office space with hundreds of active cases and thousands of clients we have helped through their legal issues. I have more fears than I can list in this article (all animals — I carry animal spray with me when I go for a walk around my neighborhood in case I run into a dog or a bear — yes, I fear both almost equally), small spaces, any “adventure” activity, and the list goes on and on). Since I have so many irrational fears, I made a conscious decision when I had children to make sure they were not aware of my fears and were exposed to all the things that frighten me, so they do not grow up with the same fears. Rather than the alarming warnings I received from my physician-mother about all the diseases I can catch from every
and any animal, I take my kids to farms and petting zoos so they can experience animals in a positive way (this is not a knock on my mom — she’s amazing). I have three animal obsessed kiddos as a result (maybe I went overboard). Do not underestimate how difficult it is for me to go to these farms and petting zoos with them — it takes me A LOT of mental preparation and determination. But ultimately, it’s worth facing my own fears so my children don’t have to face the same debilitating fears. At the end of the day, overcoming fear is mind over matter (sounds easier than it is). I try extremely hard to be rational in the face of my irrational fears. I know that it’s for the benefit of my children so they don’t have the same limitations in their lives that I have faced. In life, we don’t grow if we stay in our comfort zone. It’s so easy to stay in our lanes and avoid the things that make us feel vulnerable. I often see this with clients who are in a bad marriage and are hesitant to move on because of their fear of the unknown — the unknown process, the unknown future after the divorce, etc. I have found that if I don’t get out of my comfort zone and push myself, nothing will improve. I have reached a stage in my life where I am more afraid not to do things that scare me (within reason — I am still not jumping out of a plane) because of my fear of missed opportunities. Whenever I’m faced with a fear, I remind myself that by taking a chance, I’ll be getting the most out of life. When we overcome our fears, we can accomplish anything.
I think it’s fairly safe to say that every single one of us is afraid of something. Some are afraid of the ocean, the dark, flying, heights, spiders, and the list goes on and on. In general, I’m scared of just about everything. I’m a naturally cautious person who you won’t see “bravely” (or I would say recklessly) jumping out of airplanes anytime soon. On April 23, we recognize National Take a Chance Day. It’s a great opportunity to reflect on getting out of our comfort zone and the personal growth that can come from that. For someone who is afraid of most things, I’ve made a career out of things that most people are afraid to do. Public speaking has always been a big part of my life, and I knew from an early age that it was something that I enjoyed and at which I excelled. It started when I joined the debate team in high school and realized at my first tournament that I had a gift for this type of public speaking. It continued through moot court and other speaking competitions in law school and
- Esther Vayman
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A few decades ago, almost all married couples combined their incomes into joint accounts. Since most households only had one earner, it just made sense. Today, a lot has changed, and only three-quarters of married couples combine finances. Now that there’s more than one way of doing things, it can be hard to determine which option might be best for you and your spouse. Combining finances is the traditional way of doing things for a reason: It’s streamlined. With a joint account, it’s simpler to budget, save, and reduce debt. If one partner makes significantly more than the other, it also puts both people on even financial footing. S hould C ouples C ombine T heir F inances ? T H E P R O S A N D C O N S
But problems do arise. In some cases, the higher-earning spouse may feel taken advantage of, and someone who is previously used to managing their own money can bristle under new spending restrictions. Furthermore, if one person spends money foolishly, they’re spending it for both parties. And if the couple splits, separating assets becomes tricky. That’s why keeping finances separate is increasingly popular, especially as couples settle down later in life with established careers and salaries. This method provides more independence for each person in the relationship and generally results in fewer disagreements regarding disposable income. It also provides protection if someone’s partner makes a big financial mistake. But despite all of the potential upsides, keeping finances separate can actually create the need for more conversations about money. First, couples should decide who is responsible for what. Disagreements can arise when determining how to split the bills, and getting both shares put against one payment
can be annoying. Plus, money arguments aren’t eliminated — couples with separate finances can still face problems when one person always pays their part of the bills late or buys something frivolous instead of saving for a joint purchase. Some couples try to have the best of both worlds by opening joint and individual checking accounts. In the end, the only “right” way to handle money as a couple is the way that works best for your relationship. But no matter what method you choose, managing money together will require trust, difficult conversations, clear communication, and transparent expectations. Getting on the same page can save you from future problems — in both your relationship and your bank account.
Many people can have misconceptions about their filing status. Some think that they can choose their filing status for taxes, but this is not necessarily the case. The filing statuses you should select depend entirely upon when your divorce was completed. If you complete your divorce on or before the last day of the tax year, you cannot file a joint tax return. If your divorce is finalized after the new year begins, the IRS will still recognize you as married and will allow you to file a joint return for the previous year. You can still file separately in the latter situation, but in most cases filing a joint tax return will allow you to utilize the tax breaks usually reserved for married couples. It’s important that you figure out what is the best option for your financial interests. In some cases, filing separately will net you more in your returns. Every situation is different. If children are involved and you are filing separately for the first time, you may be wondering who can claim them as dependents. Whoever the child lives with for the majority of the year is the custodial parent and they can claim the child as their dependent. If you are not the custodial parent, you cannot claim the child as a dependent nor can you claim the earned income tax credit. This is typically the case unless your divorce paperwork states otherwise. We recommend seeking guidance from a tax professional to properly help you through this process. F I L I N G Y O U R T A X E S A F T E R A D I V O R C E
April is tax season and you’re probably preparing to file your taxes if you haven’t already. If you are currently going through a divorce or are recently divorced, then taxes might not be the first thing on your mind. But that doesn’t mean you can ignore them. If you’re unsure where to begin or even what your filing status is, here’s some useful information that will help get you started.
Unfortunately, life does not stand still when you’re going through a divorce, which means you still need to file your taxes. With the information above, you should have a better idea of where to start.
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WHAT WAS YOU R F I R S T J OB ?
What Started Us Off!
Esther Vayman Babysitting Jim Powers Landscaping Katie Clark LOFT Oriana Sotillo Nanny Jade Hart Chick-fil-A Tori Booth
Maggie Szutz Office assistant for a title company Mari Sotillo Nanny Kristy Seidenberg Old-fashioned soda shop
Nikayla Wandelt Soccer referee Amy Hayes Cashier at Winn-Dixie Madison Deese Nanny Jenny Ohsberg Cashier at a local bakery
Prom dress store Kayte Moore Abercrombie Kids “IMPACT” worker Kathleen Sickler Retail
C rostini W ith R icotta , P eas , and M int Inspired by AheadOfThyme.com Whether you need bridal shower hors d’oeuvres, the perfect appetizer for Easter, or just a Sunday snack, this easy and tasty recipe has you covered.
ingredients
• 1 French baguette, sliced • 4 tbsp olive oil, divided • 1 tbsp and 1 tsp salt, divided • 1 lb English peas, fresh or frozen
• 2 garlic cloves, smashed • 1 lb fresh ricotta cheese • Fresh mint leaves, sliced • Sea salt, to taste • Freshly ground black pepper, to taste
B R A I N B R E A K
directions
1. Preheat oven to 375 F. 2. On a large baking sheet, place baguette slices. Drizzle with 2 tbsp olive oil and sprinkle with 1 tbsp of salt. Bake for about 7 minutes, but do not brown. 3. In a medium pot, add water and 1 tsp salt, then bring to a boil. Add peas and cook for 3 minutes. Drain peas and place them in ice bath. Cool for several minutes before draining. 4. In a medium skillet, heat 2 tbsp olive oil over medium-high heat. Sauté drained peas with garlic until cooked through. The peas should still be firm, not mushy. 5. On a large platter, layer crostini with ricotta, peas, and a few slices of fresh mint. 6. Season each crostini with sea salt and freshly ground black pepper.
A L I T T L E H E L P
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I nside 1
GET OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE: TAKE A CHANCE
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SHOULD COUPLES COMBINE THEIR FINANCES?
FILING YOUR TAXES AFTER A DIVORCE
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WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST JOB?
CROSTINI WITH RICOTTA, PEAS, AND MINT
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WELCOME SPRINGWITH OPEN ARMS
G E T S P R U N G
4 W ays to H arvest P ositive V ibes in S pring
WELCOME SPRING-CLEANING. It isn’t called spring-cleaning for nothing! Decluttering, dusting, reorganizing, and tidying up feels great! It’s empowering and refreshing. There is something special about creating more space in your living space that gets the positivity flowing.
Have you ever noticed that springtime just feels lighter and brighter? That’s because, believe it or not, the seasons affect us. When spring rolls around, the energy shifts, and it’s up to us to maximize those positive vibes. Let’s examine how we can make the most of spring and inject some color and vibrancy into our lives again after a long winter. RELY ON COLOR. Colors have the ability to elicit certain emotions and feelings. Tropical tones and pastels are everywhere in spring — the clear sky, grass, and flowers — so allow them to fill your space and take them with you as constant reminders to smile. If you’re up for it, wear some new colors to brighten up your wardrobe, and don’t forget to take in a sunset when you’re able! ENJOY MORE HOURS OF DAYLIGHT. Spring brings more hours of sunlight and warming temperatures that can give you more time to enjoy your morning cup of coffee outside. You can take an early stroll around the block, get in a workout outdoors, or just enjoy the fresh air. Also, many areas observe daylight saving time, which extends sunlight into the evening, so no matter how you choose to spend your extra daylight, make it an adventure.
EAT FRESH, COLORFUL FOODS.
During spring, many delicious fruits and vegetables come into season. Berries, oranges, apples, carrots, avocados, cherries, spinach, and kale are all at their peak. Your local farmers market is a great place to get the freshest produce to fuel your body! Spring is a time for new beginnings and positivity. Make the most of this spring season by welcoming a fresh abundance of love and life.
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