My Top 7 Tips from 7 Sober Years by Janet Gourand
I had to dish out some “tough love” and tell her that she wouldn’t win this battle unless she learned to “put herself first” First of all she needs to get her partner onside so he understands how important her sobriety was to her.—Then they could come up with a reason for her absence to the visitors. No need to overshare– just an explanation that a friend was in trouble and she had to spend some time talking to her would work. I love the pregnancy analogy by Laura McKowen. She says we must treat our sobriety as a pregnancy. It’s a delicate and tender life that needs protection. Anybody or anything that’s doesn’t fit in with this goal must go! That’s what I mean by putting yourself first. Even the 9 month pregnancy timeline fits because after 9 months we are usually secure enough in our sobriety to cope with anything! So make your sobriety a priority for that first year. Read the quitlit, listen to the podcasts, join Tribe Sober and take advantage of the online yoga, meditation, coaching and various therapies on offer. 7. Keep Perspective! In every welcome pack for new tribe members there is an Annual Tracker to print out. This incredibly simple document is SO powerful. It represents a whole year. One year represented by 365 squares that need to be filled in as alcohol free or slip ups. This document helps us to keep an eye on the “big picture”. It allows us to record those Sober Stretches and see them get longer and longer. It enables us to realise that if we have a “slip up” it doesn’t mean we have to embark on a 2 week bender . It means we have to dust ourselves down and get right back on track the next day. It emphasises the important of progress over perfection. If you would like a copy of our annual tracker just email janet@tribesober.com and I’ll send you one right away! Journaling is another brilliant way to keep perspective.
Here at Tribe Sober we don’t see sobriety as a lifetime struggle. We are not broken, we don’t have a disease and we certainly don’t have to attend meetings for the rest of our lives. We just got addictive to an addictive substance. We are in the 20% of social drinkers who became dependent over the years. Hardly surprising when you think of the alcohol drenched world we live in! Here at Tribe Sober we’ve helped hundreds of people to ditch the booze we have observed that for the majority of people the quest for sobriety involves a few tough months of “doing the work” and then you are done. Your patterns of behaviour have been reset and your connection to the community will keeping you on track. So that’s my 7 top tips from 7 years of sobriety!
5. Shake things up a bit: You can’t carry on living exactly the same life without alcohol or you will always feel like something is missing. Use your sobriety to re- configure your life. We’ve talked about replacing that 6pm glass of wine with some exercise or a meditation session. You will probably need to rethink your social life. You need to make things easy for yourself in early sobriety and you may notice a shift in your friendship group. You need people around you who will support you in your efforts. They may not understand the struggle (you will need a sober tribe for that!) but they need to care about you and realise that it’s important for you to do this. The last thing you need at this stage is being told that you are “boring” and making a fuss about nothing! So put those drinking buddies on ice for a while and hang around with sober people or people who will support you. Use your extra time to discover new interests, and find activities that will give you a “natural high”. Here is a fun fact. Volunteering to help others activates the same neural pathways as drinking alcohol and gives you a dopamine hit! 6. Throw the Book at It! I remember a lady sending me a message that she couldn’t join our Saturday Zoom Café because they had some visitors and her husband would not be happy if she disappeared into the bedroom to do a Zoom Call.
Janet Gourand janet @tribesober.com Website
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