SUMMER 2023 | VOL. 1 | ISSUE 1
WHAT’S
ANTHONY RUSSELL Assistant Principal of Horizon High School
GOT TO DO WITH IT?
TIFFANY MOORE RUSSELL Orange County Clerk of Courts
THE RUSSELLS SHARE THEIR LOVE STORY
INSIDE THIS ISSUE: » Enduring Love » Juneteenth Celebrations » The Online Hookup » Good Eats
FROM THE
PUBLISHER
Welcome to Radiantly Black tm Orlando, a new lifestyle magazine that celebrates the people, businesses, places, and events of the greater Orlando African American community. We look forward to shining a light on the seldom seen wonderful aspects of our community. This publication will also connect residents as we celebrate weddings, anniversaries, new jobs, etc., of greater Orlando. But first, let me give you a little background. To escape the snow and cold weather of Ohio, my family moved to an Orlando suburb seven years ago. We were delighted to find a thriving, robust Black community filled with the sights, sounds, and foods we so greatly enjoy. We rejoiced in the fact that entertainment options were endless. So, imagine our dismay when we noticed a lack of cohesiveness as we interacted with Black people from different communities and different cultures. This was the catalyst for Radiantly Black tm Orlando. Our objectives are to:
SUMMER 2023 VOLUME 1 | ISSUE 1
PUBLISHER & EDITOR-IN-CHIEF J. Lajuana Miller ASSOCIATE PUBLISHER Michael A. Miller COPY EDITOR
Alayna Riggins ART DIRECTOR Heather Loomis SALES EXECUTIVES James Benjamin • Lewis Nimmons PHOTOGRAPHERS Leslie Gray Photography Chris Lindsay Photography CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Stephanie Brinkley, Esq. Cheryl Spradley Brown • Mariah Brown Dr. Reyna Gilmore-Gordon, MD Michael A. Miller • Deputy Trekelle Perkins Kimberley Whittaker FOR ALL CORRESPONDENCE Radiantly Black P.O. Box 470311, Lake Monroe, FL 32747 407-840-6813 Info@RadiantlyBlack.com VISIT US ONLINE AT RADIANTLYBLACK.COM All information and advertising content contained herein is provided as a service to our readers and is not endorsed by the publisher or staff. Radiantly Black magazine is not responsible for statements made by advertisers or writers. The publisher assumes no responsibility for errors or misprints in copy or in any customer approved advertising copy. No part of this publication may be reproduced without the written permission of the publisher. We reserve the right to refuse advertising space at our discretion.
a. foster collective appreciation for the beauty inside the Black communities of this region, b. introduce our brothers and sisters of other cultures to the richness of who we are and what we contribute to the betterment of their lives, and c. create a forum for lively discussion of matters that concern all of us. In 1984, Tina Turner, the recently deceased singer, dancer, actress, and entertainer extraordinaire asked the question – What’s love got to do with it? And nearly 40 years later, many people throughout the world are still asking that question. So, in our first issue, themed Black Love, Health, and Safety, we wanted to provide some local answers to that question. See the cover story, where the Russells of Winter Garden explain their particular brand of magic. Then be sure to read “Enduring Love” to learn how local couples who have been married for 50-plus years have kept it strong … for so long. If you’re thinking about looking for that special person through online dating apps, hear what our experienced online daters had to say in “Online Dating: A Love Story or a Horror Story?” Ladies if you’re still looking for love, make it a point to read “Black Men Talking About Love!” Lastly, take our “Self-Love Quiz” to find out if you’re truly ready for love. Child Psychiatrist Dr. Reyna Gilmore-Gordon shares a heartwarming story to help us with removing the stigmas associated with seeking/receiving help for mental illness in “Surviving A Dark Place.” Addressing safety is Sanford Deputy Chief of Police Trekelle Perkins who “brings it home” with unexpected candor in “What to Do During a Traffic Stop.” Since 2021, Juneteenth (June 19) has been celebrated as a federal holiday. Juneteenth is considered the longest-running African American holiday. View photos we have from several local celebrations. The following pages contain just a taste of what we have planned for you. We intend to celebrate the Soul of greater Orlando. We want you to See someone you know (or might like to know) in every issue. We want to celebrate Central Florida’s Black Social Scene . We want you to be Surprised and Delighted
by local Black excellence. So, help us cover – and uncover – area happenings and events. Let us hear from you at www.radiantlyblack.com/contact. And in the words of Soul Train’s original dynamic host, Don Cornelius, I wish you LOVE, PEACE, AND SOUL! Sincerely,
To receive the Fall, Winter, and Spring issues
All rights reserved. © Copyright 2023 Radiantly Black Orlando is a wholly owned subsidiary of CRA Solutions, Inc.
of Radiantly Black TM , register now for your FREE copies at www.radianltyblack.com/ register.
Lajuana
J. Lajuana Miller | Publisher & Editor-in-Chief
IF YOU HAVE A STORY YOU’D LIKE TO SHARE visit RadiantlyBlack.com, call 407-840-6813, or email lmiller@RadiantlyBlack.com.
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CONTENTS
Black Love, Health, and Safety
WHAT’S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT: 10 Enduring Love - Couples Married 50+ Years 14
The Online Hookup - A Love Story or a Horror Story
17 19
Do You Love Yourself? A Self Love Exam
Black Men Talking About Love
SOCIAL SCENE 5
Juneteenth - Acknowledging Our History & Celebrating Our Future 6 Greater Orlando Happenings 8 Getting in Good Trouble Awards Luncheon GOOD HEALTH IS SELF LOVE: 18 Removing the Stigmas of Mental Illness LOVE YOUR FAMILY ENOUGH TO BE SAFE: 22 What To Do When Stopped by Police IN EVERY ISSUE 23 Good Eats ON THE COVER Orange County Clerk of Courts Tiffany Moore Russell and husband Anthony, Assistant Principal of Horizon High School, think Love has everything to do with it. The couple met when they both served as judges for a Greek step show. Tiffany is a member of Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority and Anthony is a member of Kappa Alpha Psi. He admits to being “overwhelmed by the view” when Tiffany walked away from him. Tiffany loved his smile and noticed that he was her “total package” – tall, dark, and handsome. As they talked, they realized they shared a mutual friend. They dated for less than a year. As the first black female to serve as Clerk of Courts in the state of Florida, and a lawyer, Tiffany likes to be in control of her surroundings. So, she didn’t understand Anthony’s urgency toward taking her to the beach. She later understood when they returned from the beach (where he proposed) and found that he had prearranged for their families and friends to celebrate with them. The couple has been married for 15 years and have two children. Tiffany’s advice for other married women: recognize your Black Girl Magic, be quiet, be still, listen to him, and don’t wage war unless it’s absolutely necessary. Anthony’s advice to Black men who are considering marriage – Be prepared to take care of your family! The couple has not sought the advice of family or friends to keep them together; they have simply relied on God. When asked what one word they would use to describe what makes their spouse magical? Tiffany said DEDICATION and Anthony said SENSATIONAL, She’s just sensational. We think you’ll agree, that’s what love has to do with it!
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CONTRIBUTORS
ENDURING LOVE, MARRIED 50+ YEARS
ONLINE DATING
HEALTH
Dr. Reyna Gilmore- Gordon, MD has close ties to greater Orlando. Her father, Tampa attorney Ricardo Gilmore, is a native of Sanford. Dr. Gilmore- Gordon has fond memories of visiting
Cheryl Spradley Brown, moved to Maitland from Ohio to be near her brother and sister, who had moved to Orlando years before. Upon graduation from Western Michigan University, she worked
Stephanie Brinkley, Esq., is a licensed attorney. In her law practice her focus has been on advertising, contracts, and intellectual property matters for clients in the hospitality, entertainment,
her grandmother, Juanita Gilmore. In addition, her mother, Emmaria Gilmore, now resides in Belle Isle, along with Dr. Gilmore’s sister, Dr. Rikkisha Gilmore-Byrd, PhD, and brother-in- law, Dr. Johnnie Byrd II, MD, PhD. Dr. Gilmore-Gordon received a BS degree in Biology from Xavier University of Louisiana and her Medical degree from Howard University College of Medicine. She completed her general psychiatry residency at Morehouse School of Medicine and her Child and Adolescent Psychiatry fellowship at Cincinnati Children’s Hospital Medical Center. Dr. Gilmore-Gordon is a psychiatrist that specializes in child and adolescent psychiatry, serving children, adolescents, and families. She is currently practicing as an independent contractor in Ohio. She is a member of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Inc., as are her mother and sister. She is a lover of the arts, sports, peace and serenity, and spending time with family and friends. She is committed to spreading psychoeducation, with the goal of reaching as many people as she can.
for the IRS, Social Security, and the US Railroad Retirement Board, where she was a District Manager until she retired in 2016. She loves to travel and has made recent trips to Antigua, Greece, Turkey, Israel and Cypress by herself. She is excited about upcoming trips with friends to Brazil, Panama, Portugal, and Cuba.
retail, small business and financial services sectors. She has also served as an administrator and instructor at Lake-Sumter State College and as public relations account executive for various entities. Stephanie was a double major in Public Relations and Marketing and with a minor in Music Business at the University of Miami. She earned her Juris Doctor degree from Pace University School of Law. She is a proud member of Sigma Gamma Rho Sorority, Inc., and the University of Miami Alumni Association. She enjoys writing, traveling, listening to music, dancing, and spending time with her energetic two-year-old son. She lives in Apopka. GOOD EATS Michael A. Miller retired from a 30 Miami University of Ohio. He is a former Captain of the US Airforce. Moving to greater Orlando allowed him to enjoy the second love of his life, the game of golf. He can be found on various central Florida golf courses, at least three days a week. He is a Trustee at Allen Chapel AME Church in Sanford and a Life Member of the NAACP. Mike finds great joy in spending time with family and friends; so the Millers like to entertain. He is the proud father of three children (Angie, Mickey and Steven), grandfather of three boys, and great grandfather of two boys. He is deeply committed to making all of his wife’s dreams come true. year career with the City of Cincinnati as Chief of Staff for the City Solicitor and Director of Real Estate and Relocation. He earned a BS Degree in Economics from
Mariah Brown, earned a BA Degree in Mass Communica- tion in 2022 from Bethune-Cookman University (BCU). She is a freelance reporter for the Daytona Times. She interned as a Public Infor-
mation Officer for the Daytona Beach Police Department. While at BCU, she was Director of Public Relations for the Student Government Association.
Kim Whittaker, owner/founder of Premier Momz was born in Kingston, Jamaica, now lives in greater Orlando with her husband and three children, ages 2, 7, and 10. Her family is fully vegan. She
SAFETY
Deputy Trekelle Perkins, is Deputy Chief of Police for the City of Sanford Police Department. He truly represents greater Orlando. He was born in Orlando, and raised in Apopka. He has nearly 17 years
has a social media channel with 46,000 followers. The contents of her channel are motherhood and lifestyle from a busy vegan mom’s perspective. On her channel you may see videos about how to take care of a baby, best vegan product reviews, and how to make money as a busy stay at home mom. She shares a bird’s eye view of her life in hopes of helping parents overcome some of life’s challenges, while laughing along the way. Kim is a former Miss Black Pennsylvania USA.
of experience with the Sanford Police. Prior to working in law enforcement, he worked in corrections, with four years at the Florida Department of Corrections and one year at Orange County Corrections. He is married to Shana Perkins and they have one twelve year old daughter, LeAnn. The Perkins currently live in Ocoee.
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SOCIAL SCENE
Inclement weather in greater Orlando caused the cancellation of some Juneteenth celebrations and delayed the start of others. Some celebrations planned as outside events were moved inside. But in the indomitable spirit of our people, WE STILL CELEBRATED - at Hannibal Square, Lake Lily, and Winter Park. Here’s proof!
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SOCIAL SCENE Greater Orlando Happenings 100 Black Men of Greater Orlando Scholarship Awards Dinner
Setting the standard for community and scholarship giving - 100 Black Men of Greater Orlando held their 20th Scholarship Awards Dinner and Gala June 3, 2023, at the Rosen Centre Hotel in Orlando. This year more than $155,000 was presented to Jones High School (Orlando) graduates who participated in its Project Success program. To date, the organization has provided more than $2.1 million in scholarships to graduates of the school for their post secondary educational pursuits. (photos courtesy of 100 Black Men of Greater Orlando)
Kappa Kasino
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SOCIAL SCENE
CHECK OUT OUR SOCIALS FOR MORE HAPPENINGS AND EVENT PICTURES!
The Altamonte Springs (FL) Chapter of The Links, Incorporated
The Altamonte Springs (FL) Chapter of The Links, Incorporated recently celebrated its 37th anniversary. The Links, Incorporated is an international public service organization. Its members are influential decision makers, opinion leaders, and distinguished achievers. The Altamonte Springs Chapter welcomed four new members on May 27, 2023. (left to right): President Beryl Thompson- McClary, Esq., with new members: Esther Whitehead, Esq., Kristal Powell, Haileigh Tolbert Irving, and Judge Alicia Latimore.
Zion Smith, daughter of Rev. & Mrs. Octavius Smith, received a $5,000 scholarship. Photo Courtesy of the Smith family
JUNE 17, 2023 - Winter Park Alumni Chapter of Kappa Alpha Psi Fraternity, Inc.
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Getting in Good Trouble Awards Luncheon BY J. LAJUANA MILLER
I felt like I had stepped into a sea of royal blue and white when I entered the Rosen Centre Hotel to attend the “Getting in Good Trouble” Awards Luncheon on June 23rd. The brothers of Phi Beta Sigma were EVERYWHERE; all dressed in their official royal blue sports coats. I walked to the table with the alphabetical listing of attendees with last names ranging from L to N. I was heartily welcomed by a Sigma and within seconds I had my table assignment. As I walked in the direction of the door to the ballroom, a Sigma stopped me to welcome me. At the door to the ballroom, the Sigma door attendant also welcomed me. Just inside the door, there was yet another Sigma who offered to escort me to my table. At this point, I became concerned that I might have a sign on me suggesting that I needed some extra help. As I reached my assigned table, I met Christopher Monts, Founding Partner of Monts Law, a Sigma and an event sponsor. He too welcomed me. I realized at that moment that I have never been so succinctly and appropriately welcomed to any
event in the cities where I have lived (Atlanta, Cincinnati, Orlando) or where I attended events throughout the country. The Sigmas clearly had done their homework. I commented to Mr. Monts that I was surprised at the number of tables and chairs for a luncheon event held on a weekday. He agreed that it was unlikely they would all be filled. He was wrong! I later discovered the Sigmas had sold 340 tickets and by the end of the luncheon there was a full crowd. Second only to the Sigmas, the ladies of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority were abundantly in attendance in attention-getting red and white. My sorors shined like new money. Next in quantity were law enforcement officials from several jurisdictions. One speaker jested that he wondered if the residents of the City of Casselberry were safe at that moment, because it appeared the entire Casselberry Police Department was attending the luncheon. The 2nd Annual Getting in Good Trouble Awards Luncheon, presented by the Gamma Delta Sigma Chapter of
Phi Beta Sigma Fraternity, Inc., is so named to honor the legacy of the long serving Congressman John R. Lewis, also a Sigma, who often spoke of the importance of getting in good trouble for the good of our people and our country. The luncheon was both a scholarship fundraiser and an opportunity to honor individuals who mirror Rep. Lewis’ commitment to community service. Lewis Nimmons kicked off the luncheon by acknowledging the Divine Nine, the nationally recognized Black sororities and fraternities. Ms. Crystal Moyer, morning news anchor for WKMG News 6, was introduced as the Mistress of Ceremonies. Ms. Moyer is a member of Sigma’s sister organization, Zeta Phi Beta Sorority, Inc. Mr. Andre Martin provided the invocation, followed by wonderful renditions of the National Anthem and the Negro National Anthem performed by a group of Bethune Cookman alumni, assembled by Vertellus Kendrick. There were greetings from Phi Beta Sigma dignitaries to include: LeJuan
SCHOLARSHIP RECIPIENTS WERE:
■ Moses Ezechi, Jones High School, going to Lane College, to major in Mechanical Engineering ■ Dylan Horne, Ocoee High School, plans to attend Tusculum University, to major in Exercise Sciences, Pre-Physical Therapy ■ Robert Lucky, Jr., Timber Creek High School, is headed to Morgan State University, majoring in Computer Science. ■ Courtney Maura, Wekiva High School, is going to Florida Gulf Coast University, to major in Social Work.
■ Amani Afrifa, Horizon High School, planning to attend Florida Atlantic University and major in Nursing. ■ Zavier Avera, Jones High School, will be attending Yale University, to major in Mechanical Engineering. ■ Joel Campbel Jr. , Jones High School, headed to Aurora University, to major in Business with a concentration in Sports Management. ■ Christian Crump, Timber Creek High School, will be attending Florida Polytechnic University, to major in Computer Science with a gaming simulation focus.
■ Osvaldo Quezada, Ocoee High School, will be attending the University of Florida, seeking a degree in Computer Science. ■ Claudel Raphael, Jr., Edgewater High School, is going to Tusculum University, to major in Nursing. ONE OF THE HIGHLIGHTS OF THE EVENT WAS THE VIDEOTAPED MESSAGES OF APPRECIATION FROM THE 10 SCHOLARSHIP RECIPIENTS.
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The “Getting in Good Trouble” Awards were presented to four community leaders and public servants for their work in various fields to improve the lives of Black people in greater Orlando. Each gave a heartwarming speech about the early beginnings of their commitments to serving others. HONOREES: ■ John C. Hill, professionally known as Johnny Magic, well deserved to be honored as the Social Action Recipient. ■ Dr. Jennifer Porter-Smith, Executive Director of Nap Ford Community School’s Legend Academy was honored for Education. ■ Florida State Representative for the 40th District, Lavon Bracy Davis , received the award for Youth Development. ■ Russell Drake, Founder & CEO of Build Black Daily, was honored
Houston, Chapter President, Allie Braswell, Luncheon Chair, and Daniel Smith, Florida State Director. Lunch was served, which tasted far better than expected. Keynote remarks from US Congressman Maxwell Alejandro Frost were delivered virtually but they were no less inspiring than if he had been there in person. A quite impressive total of $20,000 in scholarships was awarded to the very deserving young people. Throughout the event there were moments when I laughed, held back tears, was awed by individual accomplishments, and was indeed happy I attended. Congratulations to the Gamma Delta Sigma Chapter of Phi Beta Sigma Fraternity, Inc., renowned for its commitment to community service and leadership, for a job well done. I’m sure your brother in heaven, John Lewis, was proud of you.
for his work in Black Business Development. (far left) LeJuan Houston, Chapter President (far right) Allie Braswell, Luncheon Chair
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Enduring
50+ Years of Marriage
BY STEPHANIE BRINKLEY, ESQ.
LOVE IS PARAMOUNT. Whether it’s the way we express care for our parents, jokes shared between siblings, or the adoring eyes of a mother gazing at her child, expressions of love keep us going. And of all the ways we reflect that special four-letter word, romantic love is the most daunting to develop and keep. “My parents were married for 38 years before my dad passed. I saw firsthand what real love looks like,” said LC, a single, 30-something male and Florida native. “But they don’t make love like that anymore…, that R&B love.” • LC may be right. A 2018 study conducted by Bowling Green State University shows just how challenging it can be to find and maintain a long-term marriage. According to the study, the marriage rate among White couples is 32%, while the divorce rate for white couples is just over 15%. Sadly, for Black couples the numbers tell an even more desperate story. The marriage rate for Black couples is 17.3%, while the divorce rate for Black couples sits at an alarming 30.8%.
CHANCE ENCOUNTERS Singles often ponder this age-old question - where do you go to meet a good man or woman? For Dr. Carol Mills, MD and Dr. Earl Mills, MD of Longwood, it was an unexpected encounter at a wedding that sparked their immediate interest in one another. “I was fascinated by her! She was obviously a very bright person, and she impressed me,” said Earl of
his first encounter with his wife of 52 years. At the time, he was a medical student at Howard University College of Medicine, and
• But despite these stark realities, there are glimmers of hope. Radiantly Black sat down with three Central Florida couples who have survived the test of time and proven that enduring love is alive and well in the Black community.
DR. CAROL MILLS, MD AND DR. EARL MILLS, MD OF LONGWOOD
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Carol was on her way to also becoming a Howard University medical student. Carol and Earl laugh about Earl’s initially challenging approach. “I told her I didn’t think women could be doctors,” Earl admitted. The ever-confident Carol did not back down and was prepared to advocate for her professional goals. “I was up for the challenge!” she said of Earl, two years her senior. Marylyn and Andrew Larkin of Oviedo met during a chance encounter of a different kind. She was in the middle of a busy workday as a phlebotomist at a hospital when her husband- to-be became a patient in the emergency room. “I knew right away she was going to be my wife,” said Andrew, of the first time he laid eyes on Marylyn. Both described the other as being “focused and driven” individuals.
After being discharged from the hospital, a very focused and driven Andrew came back to the hospital to ask Marylyn out to lunch. She initially declined but eventually opted to take him up on his offer. Fifty-four years later, their love and commitment to one another persists. Oviedo residents Dr. Annie J. Gavin, Ph.D., and Dr. James R. Gavin, III, MD, met at Livingstone College in Salisbury, North Carolina. James, then a senior, was president of “almost everything” and was presiding over a meeting in the student union when a sassy freshman entered the building.
MARYLYN LARKIN AND ANDREW LARKIN OF OVIEDO
Difficult days will come. Trust in God. Make God part of the marriage. That is a major factor that will get
you past troubling days.” – Marylyn Larkin
He describes his first impression of Annie as “Wow!” Perhaps it was her mini-skirt and boots or her mature persona, but it was immediately evident to him that Annie was special. Unfortunately for James, Annie was seemingly unimpressed with his lengthy resume and big man-on-campus reputation. “I just knew right then and there I had to set her straight. And 55 years later, I’m getting closer…, but I haven’t quite gotten there yet!” he joked. Annie, then going through a challenging week of school, admits to having been a bit annoyed by the gregarious senior. “I wasn’t paying him any attention,” she said. But after they both performed in the Livingstone College Star Review Talent Show,
the two hit it off. James walked her to her dorm room after the show, and they’ve been walking side by side ever since.
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OVIEDO RESIDENTS DR. ANNIE J. GAVIN, PH.D., AND DR. JAMES R. GAVIN, III, MD
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SPIRITUALITY & FRIENDSHIP CREATE A GROUNDED CENTER One common thread among all three couples is their insistence and consistency in their spirituality. “We live in The Word - a three-stranded cord is not easily broken. For us, that three-stranded cord has always been [Earl], me and our God,” Carol said with strong conviction, as
Earl nods his head in agreement. The Larkins echo this sentiment.
“Difficult days will come,” said Marylyn. “Trust in God. Make God part of the marriage. That is a major factor that will get you past troubling days.”
Annie added that “Young women need to know that the one sure place they can go to seek guidance is to go to God in prayer. If they follow the direction of God, it might not be the direction they are moving toward. There is our plan, and there is God’s plan for us. And God’s plan will supersede any plans we have made.”
THE GAVIN’S SHARE A LOVE FOR TRAVEL.
We have always found it is important for married couples to be friends, perhaps first. We look forward to sharing the silly moments. We have always focused on our friendship.” – Dr. Annie J. Gavin, Ph.D.
In addition to a relationship with God, each couple has also relied on strong relationships in, and among, their families and friends. “For both of us, it was important that we didn’t just get married, but we acknowledged that our families got married, too.” James said. And forming a friendship with their mates was essential as well. “We have always found it is important for married couples to be friends, perhaps first,” Annie added. “We look forward to sharing the silly moments. We have always focused on our friendship.” The Mills began hosting a Thanksgiving Dinner to help provide a warm meal and a warm home for medical interns and residents in their network of friends. At its largest, the event grew to over 70 people. Today they continue to share their love of family and friends with their son, daughter and three grandchildren. COMMITMENT MAKES THE DIFFERENCE Another common thread is that these couples have worked together to focus on their commitment to remain married. “I made a commitment to [Marylyn], to God and to myself.” Andrew said. “For young couples, they must focus on commitment and be honest. My word is my bond.” The Larkins’ commitment to one another has extended to their daughter, four grandchildren and nine great grandchildren, setting a strong example for their family and leaving a loving legacy.
The Larkins encourage all young couples to operate with the same sense of commitment and definiteness. “When we grew up, divorces were rare. All of our friends came from two-parent households,” Annie said. “Families stuck together. You got married with the intention of staying married. There has to be a commitment.” LASTING LESSONS In a world filled with negative imagery surrounding Black love, it is refreshing to see strong examples of love among Black professionals in Central Florida. Together, these couples reflect more than 150 years of love without limits. Their relationships yield great insight, strength, resilience, intelligence, and lasting lessons to share. “As the man of the house, that means something,” said James. “Your wife should find in you that source of comfort and security. She should be able to count on you when things are troublesome.” Carol shared that “women must know that a husband cannot fulfill all of their needs. They must have a relationship vertically with God, recognize their needs and make an effort to fulfill them.” Earl added that husbands must be “good listeners and empathetic to the needs of their wives.” At Radiantly Black, we take comfort in knowing that even after fifty years of ups and downs, these couples will keep their love fires burning for years to come. “We keep a full tank!” Annie joked. And we believe and pray the fires for these couples will remain stoked for years to come.
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The Online Hookup:
A LOVE or Horror Story I n a world full of swipe rights and double-taps to like, online dating has become a leading way to find a romantic or sexual partner. Dating apps make finding a match look promising. For some it works, while for others it can be a complete failure. BY MARIAH BROWN
TIZZ: Joseph liked to talk too much, in my opinion. He talked about a lot of topics that didn’t serve me too much purpose. CAMRYN: He and I were in contact first. He flirted a lot, and then one day, he told me that he thinks he knows one of my friends. How? I was not too sure, as I thought that we had no mutual friends at the time. TIZZ: We started talking probably a few weeks after Camryn and him connected. He definitely was a flirt. He began bringing up the fact that he might know a friend of mine and suggested that we all hang out. CAMRYN: Joseph would talk to Tizz more about the both of us, and try to keep me oblivious as if she wouldn’t tell me. TIZZ: Things started to become more weird. One day, he invited us both to a concert with a pretty heavy string attached – his ex-girlfriend! A little social media snooping will tell you everything you need to know sometimes. Of course he tried to sugarcoat all of his actions and play both sides, but we caught on very
Two close friends, Tizz and Camryn, both use online dating apps to find hookups. They openly share their online experiences and a time when they were unexpectantly included in a hookup triangle.
When did you start using online dating apps? CAMRYN: The first time my ex- boyfriend and I broke up. TIZZ: Senior year of college.
Have you had any luck with your hookups?
CAMRYN: I did have some luck once. There was one person who I hung out with and shared relatable things with. We casually dated and had so much fun for almost a year. Unfortunately, we stopped communicating out of nowhere, and it made me upset. TIZZ: I haven’t had any luck. At first I was using the apps for pure entertainment, but it does feel good to see who is interested in you. If you’ve had one, how would you describe your online dating horror story? BOTH: Yes. Our horror stories aligned in the Fall of 2022. We’ll call our guy “Joseph”.
How do you choose which dating app to use?
CAMRYN: I choose whichever app is the most appealing to me at the time. I used Tinder for a while but got bored with it. It makes you spend money to look at people. TIZZ: My favorite is Hinge: “The app that’s meant to be deleted”. There are more details given about the person you’re interested in. It does require paid add-ons (roses) which can sometimes feel like a game, so choose wisely!
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thinks I don’t like him at all. I hold no grudges, and I still have dating apps to be nosy. How does an online hookup make you feel? CAMRYN: It’s not for everybody. I do not prefer it, but it is convenient. TIZZ: Online dating makes me feel like a window shopper. I also do not prefer it, but I like that I have a whole list of options to choose from. Does social media, aside from dating apps, have any significance? CAMRYN: Social media plays a huge part in online dating as well because it is more direct. TIZZ: Social media has a huge impact. Dating sites only show-and-tell you so much about a person, but once you see their actual socials such as Instagram or Facebook, you learn so much more about them. Is it easier to have an online hookup than deal with someone in person? Do you consider it safe? CAMRYN: It’s easier for those who think it is. It truly depends on what you want from a situation at the moment. Unfortunately, there are a lot of horror stories that are less humorous than ours, and that’s where safety issues come in. I do believe that anything on social media can be sketchy, so you have to be cautious. Most sites share the same privacy settings. TIZZ: Yes, it is easier because you’re simply dealing with someone online. No, because you lack a lot of real authentic connections. Personally, I have not met anyone in person. People hide behind screens often, so you never truly know who you are dealing with until you do meet. I would need to meet in a public area first. One time I matched with a guy, and we already followed each other on social media. I posted a picture one day and he commented that we live in the same neighborhood. I did not like that that much.
Would you recommend online dating to your friends and family? CAMRYN: Only if someone inquired about it. TIZZ: To my family? No! They should already be happy. Friends? I would tell them to download these apps for entertainment and to see who they match with locally. How satisfied are you with online dating? CAMRYN: I am dissatisfied with it. I think that it’s unnecessary to have to pay for add-ons to speak. Online dating is not promising at all. TIZZ: I am neither satisfied nor dissatisfied. Some people take it really seriously while others [like me] don’t. A love or horror story? Online hookups can be good, bad and a little bit of everything in between. It takes a lot of patience to figure out who you are really dealing with and their true intentions. Sometimes things can start sweet then go sour while other times things can barely even start. Overall, it’s important to be aware of who you’re hooking up with and in this case, be aware of if they’re trying to hookup with your friend, too!
Tizz is a 23- year-old woman from Jacksonville. She currently resides in Orlando, and her relationship status is “single, but it’s complicated.”
quickly that he was trying to do some funny business. CAMRYN: He also tried to invite each of us to hang out with him and his “homies” at the same time. Next, it was an invite to meet his family. TIZZ: The strangest part of it all is that Joseph claimed that he and I met at a football game. I never even talked to him on the phone or met up in person. I didn’t even like the sound of his voice from a voice message he had sent me. He did way too much from the beginning. CAMRYN: After we really caught on to his habits, we thought we’d start joking around with him too by both asking to hang out at the same time or do the same things. Of course he didn’t find it funny – go figure! Overall, Joseph was weird. He tried to hang out with the both of us and act like that was not the case too many times. The whole entire thing started to feel like a setup. I stopped talking to him, and even though I still have dating apps on my phone I hardly use them anymore because things never get too far. TIZZ: He’s one of those guys that tries to act like he’s “the man” and truthfully, all of that was probably normal to him. Although he and I spoke more often than him and Camryn, I officially stopped speaking with him, and he
Camryn is a 23-year-old single woman from St. Petersburg. She currently resides in Orlando.
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BY KIMBERLY WHITTAKER
Al and Brenda agreed to participate as they have had a positive experience with online dating. Both Al and Brenda were happily married, unfortunately their spouses are no longer with us. They let me know that this is their first time dating since the transition. They both felt as though they
would not find love again. Al & Brenda
challenges, which we openly discuss and encourage one another to do what needs to be done to help sustain our health as best as we can. We are not opposed to positive criticism; this can only improve us as an individual. We are also open to expressing our feelings regarding our spouses. Can you recall the most romantic moment with your partner? BRENDA: WOW! There have been so many, we would fill up the entire magazine. One thing we do try to do since there is distance between us; when we do get together, we try to make the best memories that we can. If I go there or he comes up to Central Florida, we have activities planned. We try to make them a new experience for each other.” Do you like spending time with your partner’s family and friends? BRENDA: We have both met family members and this has been very positive. Al comes from a very large family, that has family gatherings to which I have been included. His sister has called to make sure I was coming to a family gathering. My family is smaller, but he is included when plans are being made. Do you get each other’s feelings without the need to say anything? We laugh as we both feel we can feel what the other is feeling. We have also begun to finish each other’s sentences at times.
How did you guys meet? A site on Facebook, no particular name except Dating. What was your first impression? AL: After seeing her picture and reading her profile, I prayed that she was still available to meet others. I sent her a heart that expressed my interest. BRENDA: I thought he had gentle eyes, so I responded to his heart. How did the relationship begin? AL: We communicated via the internet for a few days, (maybe 4). After this we exchanged phone numbers. This led to many long night conversations of just getting to know each other. After 3 months, due to Brenda’s traveling to South Florida, we met in person. BRENDA: The conversations continued as if we were long lost friends. Do you still like what you first liked about your partner? We both are still very happy with what we first felt about each other. As a matter of fact, the connection and the feelings are even deeper. Neither has felt as if there was pretentious behavior from our first encounter. Are you positively affecting each other’s lives? We try to be each other’s biggest cheerleader. Daily we ask each other how was your day? We listen to the response so that we can respond. We both have some slight medical
Are you happy with the intimacy you share? BRENDA: How exactly do you describe intimacy? We are very comfortable with each other in every aspect of our relationship. Due to our distance we have to improvise with our together time. We speak at least 2-3 times daily; making sure we say Good Morning and Good Night daily. Other times we are conversing as we go about our day. I say all of this as I feel conversing is a part of intimacy. With the distance we must make sure that we do our part to make the relationship work.
Do you think the internet is a good safe idea?
BRENDA: I was very apprehensive initially about moving forward into a relationship. My concerns were- Do you really know a person you meet online? But then I asked, do you really know a person you meet in the store or a club? So, I prayed and took a leap of faith. AL: I was a little hesitant, but I felt when I saw her, she was the one. After our online chats I felt comfortable. I felt I could trust her. I constantly say if this is a dream, please don’t wake me up. What are 3 tips for online dating safety? • Follow your gut. If it feels off it probably is. • Take it slow, do your best to get to know the person. If they want to rush, try to find out why. • Don’t be opinionated, no one is perfect.
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BY CHERYL BROWN Online Dating Tales
SELF LOVE, What’s the Big Deal?
“Self-Love is the air beneath the wings of our relationships.” – Elin Stebbins Waldal
M y online dating experience has not been all that bad.
The vetting process is where I have found the crazies (where I would just talk with them on the website and kind of feel them out). I have spoken with a few by telephone. Many I found to be liars as they would forget who I was and what they had told me. This was during COVID, so I found it entertaining. I have only met four of them in person. One was a definite NO. When I saw him, something about
“Love yourself first and everything else falls in line. You really have to love yourself first
to get anything done in this world.” – Lucille Ball “If you’re looking for that one person that will change your life, look in the mirror.” -Unknown “No one is going to love you if you don’t love yourself.” – Unknown “To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.” – Oscar Wilde These are but a few of the many, many quotes, opinions, and articles in existence about self-love. Gregory L. Jantz Ph.D., founder of the founder of The Center, A Place of Hope in Edmonds, Washington, considers self-love the most important on his list of 5 Secrets to Finding Real Love. While the quotes, opinions, and articles are numerous and varied, there is one thing missing from all of them - How to determine if you love yourself enough! For those who are unsure of how much they love themselves, the team at Radiantly Black looked high and low to find just the right vehicle to help you make that determination. We highly recommend the self-love quiz created by Teal Swan, International Speaker and Best- Selling Author. Ms. Teal is a survivor of severe childhood abuse. Today, having integrated her own harrowing life experience, she inspires millions of people around the world toward truth, authenticity, freedom, and joy. Access the quiz at www.tealswan.com/quiz, (It takes less than 5 minutes.), then contact us on Facebook (Radiantly Black) to let us know your thoughts. We love feedback!
him just didn’t do it for me. Then there was Mr. Nice Guy. He was way too nice, and I suspected some skeletons in his closet. I have remained in contact with the other two: Friend #1 lives in Daytona Beach, and he is so full of himself. He admits that it’s nothing romantic, but he is fun. Friend #2 is busy moving to Europe this summer. I am planning a trip there next April to visit him. I have found that my expectations of the dating process have evolved; now I am looking for a good friend who makes me laugh. The romantic part is there but not at the forefront. My vetting process is kind of like a job interview without the pointed questions. I find that if you listen, you can find out a lot, and of course, don’t trust things to memory. I had one gentleman tell me he is a retired fire fighter from New York City. During our conversation, I asked him how long he had been retired, and he told me he retired in 2000 when he moved to Florida, after his youngest child started high school. But he kept telling me about the personal experiences he had on 9/11; how he had to work extra shifts. We all know that 9/11 was in 2001, and I don’t think that is a date you can be confused about. When I asked him about the dates, he said, “I guess I got my dates wrong.” So why did you tell me about the work you did with 9/11? When I have some info – their name and where they live – I always check county records. It is important to me that what they have told me is correct. I don’t care if they rent or own, but I do care if they are honest. Another gentleman told me he owns his home, and his daughter and her boyfriend live with him. He was kind of bragging about it. He sent me pictures and the pictures had the street number on them. I checked county records and found that the house was in his daughter’s name. So, was she living with him or was he living with her? On his profile it said he had two children, which were girls. After talking with him for a few weeks, he told me about his two sons. Now what’s up with that? I asked him, “So how many children do you have?” He said four. So why did your profile say two? He could not give me an explanation for the discrepancy. What I find is, if you will lie about how many children you have, you cannot be trusted. Again, online dating is fine, but YOUR VETTING GAME MUST BE ON POINT.
–Lajuana
We don’t know enough about Ms. Swan to endorse her, but we thought the quiz provided nearly irrefutable results.
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GOOD HEALTH
Surviving a Dark Place
By Dr. Reyna Gilmore-Gordon, M.D.
S he couldn’t take anymore. Today she was going to do something about her situation. She walked through the hospital and found herself at the Psychiatry Department. She told herself that she was going to talk to the first person she saw. As the universe would have it, that person would be a black female psychiatrist, a person who would change her life forever. I was exposed to the impact of mental illness very early in life, through real life exposures in my family as well as my own mental health struggles. I am very grateful to have been taught the importance of mental health treatment, as I would realize as I got older and entered into adulthood the stigma that came with mental illness, especially in the African American community. As I matriculated through college, medical school, and my general psychiatry residency at Historically Black Colleges and Universities (Xavier University of Louisiana, Howard University College of Medicine, and Morehouse School of Medicine, respectively), I learned that discrimination, inequality and inequity occurred in health care. In college and medical school, I became aware of medical health disparities in communities of color, and as I started my psychiatry training, I became aware of mental health disparities in these communities as well. The stigma surrounding mental health is a complex issue that can affect various
communities. Historically, there have been cultural, social and systemic factors that contribute to this stigma in the Black community. Culturally, mental health issues have been seen as a byproduct of not having a strong enough faith or even a lack of faith. Some individuals may perceive seeking help for mental health issues as a sign of weakness or view mental health problems as a personal failing rather than a legitimate health concern. This lack of psychoeducation can lead to social isolation and even discrimination from community members. Additionally, racial inequities and barriers in access to mental health care and discrimination can further compound the challenges faced by Black individuals dealing with mental health issues. We can learn from history and not repeat its maladaptive patterns while simultaneously embracing the strengths, positive ideals and lessons taught by those who came before us. Efforts are being made to raise awareness and reduce the stigma surrounding mental health. Organizations and individuals are advocating for culturally sensitive and inclusive mental health care practices. It is crucial to continue fostering understanding, empathy and support to address the unique needs and experiences of individuals within the Black community who may be dealing with mental health challenges. It is also important to continue to provide psychoeducation to not only our community but to society as a whole,
recognizing the diverse and cultural differences within communities of color. There is a connection between mental, physical and spiritual health. If one does not take care of his/her mental health, then physical and spiritual health are negatively affected. If one does not take care of his/her mental health, then physical and spiritual health are negatively affected. A broken spirit can also lead to negative physical and mental health outcomes. As a community, African Americans have been told that mental illness is a byproduct of “demons” and not having enough faith, and that one must “pray the depression away”. This leads to the myth that faith and mental health treatment are mutually exclusive. In actuality, faith can be a protective factor in the treatment of mental health. It is also important that primary care physicians be educated and trained to treat African Americans with mental illness who will likely go to a primary care provider before going to a mental health agency due to the factors stated above. So, what happened to that depressed woman who couldn’t take anymore and walked into the hospital’s Psychiatry Department? The Black female psychiatrist was able to tell right away that the woman needed help and assisted her in getting the mental health treatment she needed. That depressed woman was me, and that Black female psychiatrist literally saved my life.
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BY J. LAJUANA MILLER Black Men Talking About Love F or centuries women have asked
MEET THE GENTLEMEN:
the question – What are men thinking? Among themselves, women responded to that age-old question with answers that ranged from the hilarious to the ridiculous. Radiantly Black decided to go after more definitive answers by going to the source–Men! We gathered six local Black men, representing various ages and backgrounds, to probe their feelings about love. To our delight, these greater Orlando men shared more than 2½ hours talking openly with us about their past, present, and future relationships. Prepare yourself to be amused, possibly saddened, but truly educated by their answers.
JEREMIAH, 22 college student, a member of Omega Psi Phi Fraternity
TYKEEM, 23 a teacher
CALEB, 25 an aerospace engineer, a member of Phi Beta Sigma
LEWIS, 63 a retired postal manager, member of Phi Beta Sigma Fraternity
EARL, 78 a doctor
OCTAVIUS, 47 an African Methodist Episcopal pastor
To protect the privacy of each participant, the answers to the questions are provided in random order, not in the same sequence as the men were introduced.
THE DEMOGRAPHICS OF OUR GROUP INCLUDES THE FOLLOWINGS: ■ Ages 22 to 78 ■ Residents of Lake Mary, Longwood, Sanford, Ocoee, and Orlando ■ Three are married, three
Gentlemen, tell us about your first crush. » M y third-grade teacher. She was fly! » My first girlfriend was in high school - sophomore year. Other girls were leaning toward me, and she didn’t. So, I was interested in her. » Second grade - I really liked a girl until I found out she was my biological cousin. » My first crush, that I can recall, was in middle school. I was in the seventh grade. I was just getting comfortable with my sexuality. I had a crush on a person who was in two classes with me. I didn’t act on it. » In my ninth grade - I just walked up to her and said, “I’m going to marry you some day.” And she said, “Pure bunk.” I said that to her every year of high school. Then we both went off to college, and the relationship never really materialized. As I was finishing my second year of graduate school, she called me out of the blue one day. She was interested in me at that point, but by then it was too late; I had met my wife.
single and two are from Caribbean Island cultures
■ One is openly gay ■ Three are members of fraternities
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