When did you first experience being in love, and how did it feel? » Before my wife, at the age of 16, I was dating a woman [who] was twice my age. My mother was very upset. She didn’t care for it. But that wasn’t real love. The lifestyle I was leading came with that relationship. When I told my biological father about the relationship, he was also upset. I had to tell him because there was a baby involved. I found out it wasn’t my baby. I didn’t experience real love until my wife became my best friend. Then I began to learn. The learning process went on for years after we got together. Because of that former relationship, I was closed off. When I finally got there, it was freedom. I was not scared, and it was not dangerous. I never had a committed relationship until my wife. My wife will tell you, she is the youngest woman I dated, and she is one year older than me. But just to clarify, there were not a string of older women. » I guess I led a sheltered life. It was my senior year, and she was a junior. It was really nice to have someone who really cared about me. We were THE couple. We went to all of the parties together. I had a job, and she had a job. It was my first adult-like relationship before I went to college. I loved the whole package of togetherness - caring about her before anything else, having someone who really cared about me. We tried to maintain the relationship when I went to college. My freshman year I tried to come home and see her, but my sophomore year I pledged and started doing other things on campus. » I was a sophomore in college. I was a resident advisor. I met someone who was a freshman, a year younger than me. We came from the same background. We both grew up in church, we were gung-ho about Christianity. On Sundays between 7 a.m. to 1 p.m., I couldn’t do anything because I would be in church all day. He had similar experiences. When I met someone who had lived the same life experiences as a gay man, it made me realize I wasn’t the only person struggling with that journey of being my own person. To this day we still talk, but I moved away because I graduated and got a job, and he was still very much in the college experience. That relationship will always be in my heart because we did share that experience of coming from the same place. Offshoot question - What has been your experience with the Black church, since becoming openly gay? I would never have any ill will toward my church. I grew up in the African Methodist Episcopal church denomination. I still go back and visit my church. I grew up in a church that was very fostering, no matter what. I have friends in the LGBTQ+ community who grew up in the same type of churches and they are still very much welcomed in their churches. Of course, anywhere you go, any church you visit, there are some people who might feel a certain way, but my experience has never been bad. » It felt great! I first experienced being in love when I went to college, but somehow that did not last. When I met my wife, I was introduced to her by a cousin. I told her it wasn’t a good idea for a woman to pursue a high-level degree because they usually drop out. She just looked at me as if to say, I’ll show this joker. She went on to be a brilliant student, and we became the best of friends. She earned that high-level degree. She was such a caring person. So, at a point I said to myself, I have found my person, and I wasn’t even looking for her. But here she is right here in front of me. » My high school sweetheart. It felt great. I was always taught to find the one who invests in you as much as you invest in them. That is very important to me. My parents taught me that. So, once I knew what love was – for me it wasn’t a sacrifice. It was great. I loved it. It wasn’t very complicated. It showed me what I want to receive from another person.
» Middle school - I was very big on sports, I played soccer. But in middle school I started to notice that girls no longer had “cooties.” She was Haitian and I am Haitian, and we had a lot in common. Did you have a high school sweetheart? » I had several. » I thought she was my high school sweetheart. As I’ve grown older, I realized it was just a fatal attraction. » Yes, I did, and I do. For 31 years, I’m married to my high school sweetheart » I did have a high school sweetheart. We dated for two years after high school. I moved to Texas for an internship. It was a great relationship, probably the best I’ve ever had. But we both decided that we needed to take some time apart after 2½ years of dating. She was also making a move out of state to a completely opposite side of the country. That’s when we had to make a decision about what we were going to do. We thought if everything went well, we would get back together. We had plans to resume the relationship. We ultimately couldn’t decide who should move to be with the other person. So, we thought it would be best to remain friends, and we’ve been friends ever since. » I actually did not. I was very involved [in activities]. Dating was an afterthought. I was very involved with sports. I had crushes here and there. I didn’t start dating until I was in college. In high school I was so busy. I was doing swimming, track and cross-country, and I was vice president of the National Honor Society. What happened to that relationship, and who was at fault? » My relationship didn’t end. » She was with someone else before me. I took her from him. The other guy was salty. We ended up fighting. I got in trouble. She didn’t have my back when the police came. As a young man, I Iearned she wasn’t a part of my destiny. I’m learning more about that with my current friendships. » I would take the fault for most of them. I thought I was all that and a bag of chips; so I would just move on to the next one. » We never made it that far. I pursued her, but she rebuffed me. I persisted and persisted until I gave up.
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RADIANTLY BLACK
VOLUME 1 / ISSUE 1
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