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OCTOBER 2023
Beyond Fear Why We Should Conquer What Scares Us
Halloween is October 31 and is associated with scary movies, ghosts and goblins. Things that scare people! So, I thought it would be the perfect opportunity to talk about fears! Like many people, I used to have a fear of public speaking. I wasn’t exactly petrified, but I always dreaded the task. I still remember a high school presentation where I dressed up like Santa Claus and how worried I was about everything that could go wrong. Our assignment was to pick a big word and put on a skit about it. My word was “quintessential,” and I dressed up like Santa because he is the quintessential holiday figure. Even though I liked my idea, getting up in front of my classmates and doing something outrageous was frightening. I was sure everyone would laugh at me, but the presentation ultimately went well.
Experience gave me confidence, and confidence erased my fear. Now, I can easily speak in front of a large group without butterflies. A fear of being disliked also had the potential to hold me back in my career. While I can be aggressive as a lawyer, I’m not an authoritarian person and don’t consider myself a natural-born leader. For a long while, I struggled to hold members of my team accountable because it might upset them or change how they looked at me. It took a lot of coaching and mindset development to realize I was harming myself and my employees more by withholding critical feedback rather than giving it. But I’ve hardly conquered all of my fears. I have developed a fear of heights that, thankfully, doesn’t affect me while I’m in an airplane. But take me up on a rooftop with a railing at the edge, and the terror starts to sink in. Last summer at my family reunion in Marble Head, Ohio, I went up in a lighthouse with my niece and nephew for some photo-ops and was overcome with terror and almost immediately walked back down because I was so physically uncomfortable. I’ve learned about different types of fear: productive, limiting, and inconsequential. Some fears are perfectly rational — there are good reasons not to run into a burning building or poke a bear. Meanwhile, I have no genuine desire to overcome my fear of heights because its effects on my life are minimal. I’d feel differently if I dreamed of going skydiving. But when it comes to fears that hold us back from what we want or need to do, I strongly believe in running toward what scares you. In my work, I’ve seen how limiting beliefs can leave people stuck. People avoid divorce because they’re worried about money or their relationship with their children. Others avoid estate planning due to a fear of death or put off starting a business because of fear of failure. Our most profound growth happens when we push ourselves to confront the things that make us uncomfortable and step outside our comfort zones. I wouldn’t be where I am today if I hadn’t learned to deal head-on with the things that frighten me. No matter what scares you, I hope you can use this Halloween as inspiration to put fear aside, raise the bar, and bet on yourself.
Despite the skit’s success, the fear didn’t disappear. I remember being scared of my law professors randomly calling on me, and I’d always freeze and give a subpar answer when they did. Even early in my career as an attorney, approaching the bench to perform a simple task like making an announcement or entering a Consent Order made me extremely nervous. I remember when I first started practicing in May 2004 and the weather was sweltering hot. I’d walk from a parking lot to the courthouse already perspiring because of the heat, and then I was already anxious about being in a courtroom, which caused me to sweat more! Looking back on it, it was funny, but at the time, I was stressed out about speaking in front of other attorneys and a judge. But practice makes perfect. Going to court and trying cases was almost like exposure therapy. I couldn’t be afraid of something I had to do daily.
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EMPOWER YOUR TEEN WITH FITNESS GOALS
A PARENT’S ROLE IN CREATING HEALTHY HABITS
Countless adults struggle to set fitness goals, so it shouldn’t be surprising that many teens don’t know where to start either. Parents can be a critical source of motivation and support for young adults as they create healthy habits. Whether your teen is a natural-born sports star or a bit of a couch potato, you can help them be more purposeful about exercise and fitness. The process begins by discovering what drives them. If your teen is already active, ask what they enjoy and what goals they have for themselves. For those more reluctant to break a sweat, discuss whether they’re happy with their fitness level. Are they satisfied with their current level of activity? Do they think it will continue serving them well as they age? But even more important than their goals is their motivation. We only achieve something with a compelling reason to drive us. Whether your
teen’s goal is strength, weight loss, endurance, or something else, ask why it matters to them.
Your teen probably won’t stop caring about how they look in bathing suits, but having these conversations is crucial. Adolescence is a particularly vulnerable time for developing eating disorders, so discourage calorie-counting or obsessive exercise. If you are concerned about your child’s relationship with food or fitness, you should speak with their doctor. Ideally, the focus should be on the benefits of physical activity. Talk about the reasons you make time to exercise. And if you don’t move as much as you should, see if your teen would be interested in joining you in becoming fit together. Parents play a crucial role in shaping their children’s relationship with fitness. Help them understand the lifelong advantages of being active so that the habits they create now follow them well into adulthood.
Don’t be surprised if your teen’s motivations center around their looks — after all, we live in a very appearance-conscious society. But you can both acknowledge the pressure to look a certain way while reminding your kids that their health is more important. Many reasons to exercise focus on avoiding negative emotions like insecurity, so help your teen flip their perspective and concentrate on how they want to feel in the future.
Who Needs an Order of Protection? Most people think they know what a Restraining Order is until they need one. Then, confusion abounds, and people don’t know where to seek help. Tennessee offers Orders of Protection and Restraining Orders, but the two orders perform different functions under the law. who are subject to a Non-Compete Agreement to keep the former employee from working for a competitor. Restraining Orders can also be obtained in breach of real estate contract cases to prevent a breaching Seller from moving forward with selling a piece of property to another potential buyer. report as a condition precedent to seeking an OP. Victims can use police reports and criminal charges as supporting evidence in Court, but those who choose not to report regularly receive OPs as well. A QUICK GUIDE TO TENNESSEE LAW
Tennessee courts issue both Temporary and Extended Orders of Protection to victims. A Temporary Protection Order (TPO) is usually the first step in the process. Due to domestic violence’s serious and often urgent nature, a judge may issue an ExParte OP, meaning the OP is issued without the Respondent’s knowledge or presence and before the Respondent has an opportunity to be heard. However, the judge will typically set a hearing date within 15 days of the TPO so the Respondent can plead his or her case. The judge can then dismiss the TPO or grant an Extended Protection Order (EPO) for one year. While you do not need an attorney to receive an Order of Protection, a lawyer well-versed in this area of law can improve a person’s chances of success. If you need an OP or wish to defend an OP you believe lacks merit, we recommend urgently contacting the experienced Douglass & Runger team at (901) 388-5805 for information about your next steps and how we can help.
Restraining Orders may appear in divorce cases but typically not to protect anyone from physical harm. Many people who believe they need a Restraining Order actually need an OP. Tennessee offers OPs for several reasons. Domestic violence is the most common reason, occurring anytime someone physically assaults or threatens their romantic partner or family member, causing the individual to reasonably fear bodily harm. Tennessee Courts will also issue an OP for victims of sexual assault. Unlike a domestic order claim, the alleged assailant need not be a partner or family member. Similarly, stalking or harassment by any person is grounds for an OP. Domestic violence, sexual assault, and stalking are all crimes, but Tennessee recognizes that complex reasons often prevent victims from pressing charges. Therefore, Tennessee does not require a victim to file a police
An Order of Protection (OP) is a legally binding civil court order that prevents a person from directly or indirectly contacting another individual, primarily in domestic violence situations. By contrast, Restraining Orders are orders typically used in civil litigation and enjoin an individual or business from taking action that would cause another individual or company to experience irreparable harm. Oftentimes, businesses will seek Restraining Orders against former employees
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When Every Penny Counts A Parent’s Guide to Child Support Modifications Expenses have a way of creeping up over time, and inflation has many Americans pinching their pennies. Many people on either side of the child support equation are wondering about their options to modify payment amounts. When can one parent successfully request more — or the other parent receive permission to pay less? Tennessee adopted an Income Shares model to calculate child support in Tennessee, and a child support calculator, which is an Excel Formula, is used to determine child support. The main variables that go into the child support calculator are the Gross Monthly Income of both parents and the number of days in a calendar year that each parent spends with the children. Once all of the data is plugged into the calculator, a child support obligation is computed. In order to modify child support, Tennessee applies a significant variance standard in the child support obligation, defined as an upward or downward deviation of 15% or more of the child support obligation. The standard ensures couples will not regularly find themselves in court for small pay rate changes so the child receives the financial support they deserve. One factor that gives rise to child support modifications are increases or decreases in pay for either parent. That said, people cannot simply quit their job or deliberately take a lower- paying job and expect to receive a modification. Tennessee judges are most concerned with protecting minor children, and public policy mandates that people pay child support. Custody changes and increased or decreased visitation that results in more or less parenting time for a non-custodial parent can also affect a child support obligation because the number of days a parent spends with the children impacts the child support obligation. When determining whether or not a child support modification is warranted, the best thing to do is to consult with an attorney experienced in child support matters. An experienced attorney can review the appropriate information and plug the data into the child support calculator to see the likelihood of success for an upward or downward modification. If you need to request an increase or decrease in child support payments, contact the Douglass & Runger team at (901) 388-5805 to learn more about your rights and responsibilities.
Homemade Pumpkin Spice Latte
Inspired by AmbitiousKitchen.com
Save money this October with this delicious homemade pumpkin spice latte that will taste better than any store-bought coffee.
INGREDIENTS • 2 shots espresso (or 1/2 cup freshly brewed coffee) • 1 cup milk of choice • 3 tbsp pumpkin purée
• 1–2 tbsp maple syrup • 1 tsp pumpkin pie spice • 1 tsp vanilla extract • Whipped cream for topping (optional)
DIRECTIONS 1. In a small pot on medium heat, heat milk until simmering but not boiling. 2. Make your espresso (or coffee) and pour into a large mug or Mason jar. Add pumpkin purée, maple syrup, pumpkin pie spice, and vanilla and stir until well combined. 3. With a milk frother, froth the heated milk until foamy. Then, pour into your pumpkin espresso mixture and top with whipped cream. For decoration, you can sprinkle more cinnamon or pumpkin spice on top! INSPIRATION “If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment.” —Carlos Santana
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1 How Curt Found Strength in Embracing Fear 2 Active Adolescents: Empowering Teen Fitness Goals Tennessee’s Guide to Orders of Protection 3 When Will Courts Modify a Child Support Order? Homemade Pumpkin Spice Latte 4 Kids in the Kitchen: Wholesome Family Bonding Inside This Issue
Cook With Your Kids to Make Mealtime Meaningful!
As a parent, it can be incredibly challenging to nail down the perfect weeknight dinner menu that makes every hungry mouth in your home happy. This is especially true when you have picky little ones who demand waffles for dinner or dinosaur chicken nuggets seven nights a week. You may feel like your days as a short-order cook are endless, but we’re here to tell you about a simple trick to making healthier meals everyone in your family will enjoy. The trick is quite simple: Have your kids cook with you! Cooking with your kids has multiple benefits that stretch far beyond the kitchen table, but the immediate reward is that you won’t cook alone anymore! Next time dinner time rolls around, grab your little sous-chefs to lend a hand so they can enjoy these three benefits. NO. 1: COOKING TEACHES LIFE SKILLS. It may seem far off, but one day, your child will have to cook for themselves and eventually their own children, too. By teaching them the basics of cooking now, you’re providing them with a skill they’ll need to be capable adults. NO. 2: COOKING CREATES AN ADVENTUROUS EATER. Imagine seeing something like asparagus or artichoke on the plate in front of you for the first time and being told you must eat that weird-looking thing.
That’s how many children experience food for the first time, which can feel like a scary experience. Kids who help cook in the kitchen are much more likely to try new and adventurous
foods because they’re exposed to them and other ingredients over a period of time. They touch, slice, smell, crush, and season the foods before they ever eat them. So, by the time it hits their plate, it’s not so scary! NO. 3: COOKING PROMOTES HEALTHY DEVELOPMENT. Time spent in the kitchen isn’t all about eating, either. While cooking, children stir, mix, measure, roll, squeeze, spread, observe, learn, and count. These activities all help develop fine motor, hand-eye coordination, math, and science skills, not to mention creativity!
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