! tôdkUi/fitM/i with Dr. Clyde M. Narramore
PisiBr.BOUcaimultiBlv m r usefulness PASTOR'S
S T U D Y
Dr. Naramore, graduate of Columbia University, New York City, is a nationally knownpsychologist.He is the director of one of America's largest psychological clinics — TheChristian Counseling center in Rosemead, California. PARENTS GRIEVE
C O U N S E L I N G H O U R S
another woman. He has told me everything about it, not trying to deny anything. This has been going on for more than a year. Now he tells me he is sorry and that it won’t happen again. He says he loves me more than anything else in the world. He doesn’t want me to leave him. I just don’t know what to do. I love my husband, but knowing the things he has done, I can’t see how I will be happy if I stay — and / know I ivill be unhappy if I leave him. So please help me if you can. A. This is a story I have heard re told many, many times. Mates are sometimes foolish about the course of action they take re garding unfaithfulness in their mar riage. What a wife does not realize is that an unfaithful husband has serious psychological problems, and it doesn’t solve his problems merely to come home to his wife. Your husband is evidently a dis turbed man. What Christian man in his right mind, who has a wife, would leave her and go out with others? This may not be a sex prob lem at all, because it’s certainly not sexually satisfying to go out with other people when one has a good wife at home. From what you say, this man seems disturbed. He may never be well and be a fit husband until he gets help. I suggest you urge your husband to get Christ-centered psychological help. Psychological testing and diag nostic evaluation, followed by a num ber of counseling sessions, would help to resolve his difficulties and re store balance. Since you have been deeply wound ed, and you have to learn to live with your feelings, I would suggest that you also seek help for yourself. You may need to develop different attitudes and behavior patterns. You may have in some ways driven your husband away and will need counsel ing to help you to resolve difficulties which you may not now understand or recognize as contributing to your husband’s behavior. A couple cannot be at their best unless they are both well adjusted and both living for the Lord. Only then can you have a truly happy marriage.
Q . My problem is something 1 need to talk with someone about. What shall we as parents do when our grown children hardly ever call or let us hear from them. except when they are in need of help? I have been a Christian nearly all my life. My parents loved us. I have tried to be a good mother, and al though my husband is not a born- again Christian, he has been a good husband and father. Our grown chil dren never say or write so much as “How are you?” and I grieve about this. I knov) I shouldn’t, but if only I had someone to talk this over with! I haven’t been at all well: have had several serious operations. Should we just not try to keep in touch with the family, or what? Thank you so much for any help you can give me. A. This is typical of several letters written by parents who feel very lonely and neglected. They wish their children would just contact them now and then and be friendly. Unfortun ately, it is a common problem. We see or know of it far too often. Children, when th ey ’ re grown, should be thoughtful. Indeed, the Bi ble exhorts them to “honor their fa ther and their mother” and it is a great pity when they are heedless of this commandment. I notice you state you have not been well. Also that your husband is not a Christian. I am wondering if the combination of these two facts may not be contributing somewhat to the way you are feeling. Undoubt edly, there is the lack of spiritual fellowship between you and your hus band. If this were present it would do much to lessen the misery over the neglect by your children. I would take this whole matter to the Lord. Let Him be your sufficiency. You have His sure promise, “ I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee” (Heb. 13:5), and “ Cast thy burden on the Lord and he shall sustain thee” (Psa. 55:22a).
1 t o S P . M . M O N D A Y T H R O U G H S A T U R D A Y
You give y o u rs e lf around the clock. But the
problems people bring to you be come increasingly more complex. You try to pick up the pieces of broken relationships. You recognize loneliness . . . depression .*. . incom patibility . . . sexual problems . . . financial binds ... rebellious children . . . alcoholism . . . breakdowns. You know the value of listening, the power of the personal touch, the heal ing of Christian love. But you wish for increased skill in pointing the way to specific solutions. You’d like more pro fessional know-how as you counsel. We can help you consider the prob lems of your people from three basic aspects: the spiritual, the emotional and the physiological. That’s why we’re here. We take your problems seriously. This is our calling. Week after week we deal with hun dreds of human problems that keep people from living freely. Our staff of 16 Christian psychologists and profes sional counselors plus our medical doctor represents quality help for you. Let us multiply your usefulness. Four times a year we offer a month of intensive training in Christ-centered professional counseling at our new in ternational headquarters. Pastors and missionaries from 20 states and six foreign countries took the training In 1967. As a result their ministries have been greatly enriched. You, too, can multiply your usefulness. Write today for information.
SHALL I TAKE M Y HUSBAND BACK?
E V E R Y PER SO N I S W O R T H U N D E R S T A N
Q . We have been married for ten years and in the past month I found out that my husband has been seeing
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