Triggers with Child Loss at any Age
I try my best to be happy for you and for myself. Sometimes, I am happy. No matter what else I have in my life, I do and will always remember the child I do not have here with me. Some losses stay in your heart forever. Some losses take a part of you with them. For many who currently have or know those who have exper- ienced a child loss, this loss is unlike any other. It cannot be explained away. It cannot be dismissed as so many outsiders try to do. It is as if the pain of the loss goes in hiding from the world, but the individual truly knows where it is and knows it can never be hidden from them. In silent remembering, the triggers come, but you as an outsider will in many cases, no longer be given notice of when this happens. I mentioned estrangement from your child which is different in a few ways, but can still hold many of the sentiments mentioned above. The thing is…your child is alive. No matter what, life still goes on.
by Barbara Gillett Saunders, Grief Counsellor Thanatologist Are you, for whatever reason, someone who no longer has your child in your life or do you know of someone? Reasons such as miscarriage, infant death, mur- der, missing person, suicide, abortion, or estrangement can create causes for triggers with child loss. When I say child, if grandchild, niece, nephew, close friend or other fits the mark, take those relationships into consideration if they apply to you. Some of the strongest triggers with child loss come from relationships that are closest to the grieving individual. Let me explain more here. Suppose your child is murdered and other family members or close friends have children who are currently the age your child would now be, if he/she/they were alive today. As the grieving individual on the outside, with what I let you see of me, everything seems fine, on the inside, what you do not know is I miss my child every day. I wish I could share new stories with you and show you new pictures of my child as you are able to show me yours. When I see your child have another birthday, I see my child at that age in my mind, but that is the hardest reminder that that will never really happen for me. When I see your child accomplish milestones in life, I am reminded that I will never see that with my child. Graduations, job promotions, marriages and more are events I will never share with others or my child. Do not get me wrong or think badly of me.
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOUR FAMILY
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Hometown St. Thomas
All articles written by Geoff Rae unless otherwise noted. Copy Editor – Peter Bloch-Hansen Publisher – Barb Botten barb@villagerpublications.com Graphic Artist – Cathy Wood We look forward to hearing from you. Copyright @ 2015 Villager Publications. All rights reserved. This magazine or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the Publisher. Information presented has been compiled from sources believed to be accurate at the time of printing however the Publisher assumes no responsibility for errors or omissions. Geoffrey Rae Managing Editor / Sales Geoff@villagerpublications.com • 519-495-7177
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