You Negotiate More Than You Probably Realize by Brian Buck
you and your closest friends and loved ones, as well as your clients, suppliers, business partners, and bosses. First, you must change your perception of what negotiation really is. It’s not about haggling over price with a sleazy used-car salesperson, nor is it about slamming your fist on the table to intimidate people in order to get what you want. It’s also not about all of the dirty tricks you hear about, like “good cop, bad cop.” Instead, it’s about trading away things of lower importance to you in return for things of greater importance. In doing so, it’s about navigating the complex emotions and ego that can drive good and bad behavior. And you probably negotiate more often than you realize. Negotiating at Home When you’re asked by your child to give them just another 15 minutes before bedtime, they’re negotiating. When you’re deliberating where to go for date night and are craving different places, you’re negotiating. When you’re deciding between two different household purchases or when you’re talking to your spouse about a major purchase or investment, you’re very likely in the middle of a negotiation. We negotiate nearly every day, whether we label it as such or not. We don’t need to practice or even consciously recognize a negotiation to engage in one, especially with those closest to us. But we often use tactics and employ strategies that may either be ineffective, potentially damaging, or place us in a poor position. By developing and honing real negotiation skills, we learn to work toward better outcomes with our loved ones — not just to “win” or get what we want, but to actually come to a better resolution that can protect or strengthen the relationship. When asked, “Why not?” after denying a request for more screen time before bed, we could simply retort with a “because I said so.” But by, instead, taking a step back and reframing the entire conversation, we might discover a trade wherein your child can earn their minutes with another task, or by going to bed earlier for the rest of the week if they’re staying up for something specific. This may teach them a valuable lesson (to work toward a deal rather than to beg) while potentially taking some housework off your hands.
Negotiation is not limited to the shot callers and power players of the world. Negotiation is a fact of life, and all of us learn over time to leverage our own natural talents to get the best deal in countless different situations. What if I told you that the skills used to come to a multimillion dollar agreement in the conference room of a large company are largely the same as those used to resolve a marital dispute or to work out a deal with your child to justify spending so much on their newfound love for surfing? Sure, the scope, scale, and stakes change from situation to situation. But regardless of the context, negotiation is something that can be taught, trained, and honed to great effect in many different contexts. Why bother? Because there’s more to negotiation than “winning.” Learning to negotiate will help you to smooth over conflicts, come to better resolutions together, and improve communication between
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