“Every negotiator walks into a negotiation with expectations and, at some point, faces the reality that so does the other side.”
Merely expecting something to happen will not make it happen. However, it’s one of the greatest flaws of negotiators. When we begin a negotiation, there’s an implicit social contract. Meaning, without actually verbalizing anything, there are already expectations about how everyone will behave. When the other side doesn’t meet those expectations, the road to disappointment is laid. The key to success for any negotiator is to not let expectations go unspoken. The only way to have a chance at getting what you want is to begin by telling the other side what it is that you want. Examples include: • State up front what you hope to accomplish via the negotiation. • Set agendas and desired outcomes for each meeting. • Gain agreement regarding next steps and timetables. • Discuss the rules of engagement for the negotiation. However, it’s unrealistic to think that, just because you’ve communicated your expectations, the other party will do what you want. Getting what you want requires constant reminders throughout the negotiation. In fact, it also necessitates continual reinforcement. When expectations are met, reward the other side with positive reinforcement and gratitude in order to continue to strengthen your agreements. When
expectations are missed, before reacting emotionally, take a moment and ask, “Why?” Typically, when something unexpected happens, we assume the worst and may even react in kind. However, doing a little investigating can help you to distinguish between a potentially honest mistake and a conscious decision to break the rules — each of which would invoke a vastly different response. We all have expectations. You have them. The other side has them. Skilled negotiators get their expectations — as well as the other party’s — onto the table as quickly as possible. That’s why skilled negotiators are usually satisfied with their deals, while other negotiators simply get used to disappointment.
“Other negotiators simply get used to disappointment.”
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