LAW OFFICE MONAST
www.monastlaw.com | 614-334-4649 | 5000 Arlington Centre Blvd. Bldg 2, Suite 2117, Upper Arlington, OH 43220-2913
SCARING TOUGH GUYS and Other Pleasures of This Spooky Season
From my hiding spot in some shadowy, cobwebbed corner of an enormous old Victorian mansion, I heard a couple approaching. The grotesque rubber mask I was wearing trapped the heat of my breath against my face. I heard a deep — but perceptibly wavering — voice echo down the hall. “Don’t worry, baby,”some uber-tough dude boomed, as manly as he could muster. “They’re just actors. It’ll be okay.” Listening to their tentative footfalls, I waited patiently around the corner. It was almost pitch black throughout the building, a truly creepy, old, labyrinthine place that seemed like it had been around forever. It was so dark that I didn’t even need to really wear a costume. If anywhere on Earth was actually haunted, it was this place. Just as they were passing through the threshold, I leapt out with a roar so rattling and guttural that it startled even me — but it still didn’t compare to this musclebound dude’s supersonic screech as he jumped into his girlfriend’s arms. Like Scooby holding Shaggy, this poor girl was left there, eyes wide as saucers, supporting the weight of a human twice her size. I’m not sure how I ended up working that Halloween at the haunted house in Columbus that year, but I’m glad I did. I relished startling the wits out of the innumerable meatheads that came through with their dates, and I have to say, I was pretty good at it. But the problem was when you had families coming through with their little 6-year-olds terrified out of their minds. With the little tykes, it didn’t really matter how much you tried to tone it down; you knew those kids weren’t going to be able to sleep that night. Halloween’s always a fun time of year. Back in the day, we’d get our kids’costumes about a month before, whether they wanted to be Batman, Spider-Man, or Garrett’s signature lion costume. But those kids didn’t limit the costume-wearing At 20, it was one of the proudest moments of my life.
to Halloween only. For the entire month of October, they’d wear them everywhere . I’m talking in
the house, the backyard, when we went to Kohl’s or Steak ‘n Shake — though we’d draw the line at school. A few years ago, Garrett, about the biggest fan of the
Dark Knight around, received one of those high-end Batman costumes
that cosplayers wear, and he drags it out whenever he gets the slightest opportunity. I guess old habits die hard.
We don’t get a ton of trick-or-treaters by our place anymore, but even as a full-blown adult, I still enjoy getting spooked every once in a while. I remember once, in one of my old places of employment, I came in one Halloween and headed into my office. The room was pitch black, and as I went in, thinking nothing of it, I failed to notice my co-worker, dressed up in this big old overcoat and a truly ghoulish mask, sitting motionless on my chair. As I turned on the light, she scared the bejesus out of me. I guess that’s one way to start your day. - Jim Monast
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