a reasonable and fair standard. The child then has less reason to object to the rules and so has a greater incentive to obey them. Carol was a very energetic child and unrespon sive to commands. One day her mother decided she and the child would make a rule about picking up her toys, a job she hated. They talked about when the toys should be picked up and where they should be placed. She finally made the rule that she pick up the toys before mealtime. When toys were put in their place, she could choose a story which her mother would read to her. When once the rules have been set, the de mands for reasonable obedience are never relaxed. We shall firmly insist on their being carried out, however difficult it may be for us to do it. “No” will always mean “No.” “Now” will always mean “ now,” not ten minutes later. A child may find that the demands conflict with his personal wishes, but that is not good reason for disobedience. Rules are made for the benefit o f all, not for one person to the exclusion of others. We must be fair as well as consistent in en forcing the rules. The child will be happier when he is sure that the rules will be regularly enforced. Then he is certain that only the breaking of known rules will bring clearly defined reactions of dis pleasure from father and mother. Yet he knows that they will always bring it. Such consistency helps to bring obedience without argument, tears or rebellion. When rules are broken, action is necessary. Yet this need not be severe punishment. Indeed when children are very young the punishment need not be any more than showing quite briefly that we are displeased with them. At their age they are so de pendent on those they love and trust that this action is normally sufficient. Any punishment must fit the offense. One moth er writes: “My son flies into sudden passions and screams like a little animal. I then pick him up and dump him in a room on his own. I explain that I can’t stand such a dreadful noise and that he must stay there until he can behave properly. He may not altogether take in my explanation, but he can certainly take in the fact that such behavior re sults in his being on his own. He must learn that to be with the family, he must behave as one of them.” If parents insist on their child’s obedience, will they not forfeit their child’s love? In a recent newspaper article, a mother wrote: “ I marvel at the way my husband handles our chil dren. He’ll say, ‘If you do that again, you’ll go to your room for two hours and you’ll lose your allowance for a month.’ They mind him, because they know he means it. They think he’s great.” A youngster will not be disheartened by punish ment that is reasonable. A youth o f 16 wrote these words: “My dad is a proponent of the ‘pay as you
teach....
ience W hen th e mother o f George Washington at tended a banquet, she sat beside a distin guished French officer. Turning to Washing ton’s mother, the officer asked: “ How have you managed to rear such a splendid son?” She replied, “ I taught him to obey.” How good it is to see a child giving a loving obedience to family rules! Teaching children to obey demands great at tention and care from parents, for father and mother are learning to instruct as well as teach ing obedience. From the day o f the child’s birth, the parents can never take a day’s holiday from teaching their child to obey. No lesson is more vital to the child’s well-being. Setting positive standards o f discipline in the home is vital. Freedom of action is necessary, but unless it has known limits the child will never know when he is going to get hurt. The child who knows that fences have been erected by his par ents is happy and contented. Realizing that they have set these fences for his good, because danger exists outside them, will increase his sense o f se curity. He is aware that these fences protect him from his own impulsiveness and lack of judgment. As rules are made for the good o f the child, children become concerned when these fences are not erected. One fifteen-year-old girl was left to decide for herself on some important issue. Rather reproachfully she said to her mother: “ It is your job to tell us what to do.” Teaching obedience is to begin soon after the child is bom. Then he will not have the painful task of unlearning disobedience. As a child gets older, parents and children can share in the making of the rules. This will insure
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THE KING'S BUSINESS
JULY/AUGUST, 1969
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