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" . . . the most wondeiful translation. Get onei” - - BILLY GRAHAM
The Christian Home by Paul Bayles Pastor, Christ Community Church Canoga Park, California
D EF IN IT ION OF LOVE
P ART OF OUR PROBLEM is that we don’t know what it involves. We have a set of vague ideals and terms by which love must be meas ured, but we really lack any clear definition of love. When we say to someone, “ I love you,” we may mean one or all of several things. We may mean, “ I want your admiration in exchange for mine.” This doesn’t sound very noble, so Christians will deny in volvement with this phase of love. Any measure of honesty will allow us to see that love in our marriages involves this mutual need for admir ation. Expressions of love may mean, “ I want to feel cozy and comfortable with you. Outside, the world is hostile, but with you I want to feel safe and close.” This doesn’t sound like love at its noblest either. Yet who of us has not felt this when contemplating his love for someone? We may even mean, “ I have made a mess out of my life. I have hurt people and ruined their lives. I des perately want to make a good rela- tinship with you in order to relieve my guilt and correct the mistakes I have made with other people.” All this in the simple words, “I love you!” We may also be trying to say, “ I have not had much beauty in my life. The world and its gods have cheated me. I can’t undo the past and make up for all I have missed, but if I can have you, everything will be balanced. Your beauty I need to exploit. I must have you. I love you.” All of these are expressions of per sonal need. They include our need for admiration, for security, restitu tion and justice. This side of love seems so negative that “ good Chris tians” immediately want to deny any part of it. We sense fierceness, anxie ty, fear and hostility in this kind of love. We have been told for so long that Christian love is only pure and noble, that we are confused by reality and the demands of personal integri ty. As Christians, we will grow as we accept and confess the negative as pects we feel to all virtues such as
love, faith and hope. Denying that they exist is not spirituality. We tend to draw back from the concept of “need love,” as described by C. S. Lewis in “ The Four Loves.” He speaks of Need Love and Gift Love, and proceeds to define each side of the word. We back off from facing the per sonal needs involved in our love for people, because we write off personal needs as being “ carnal” and “ fleshly.” Love is supposed to be purely altruis tic, sacrificial and unselfish. Love is often that and is surely the noblest love of all. It is also the most danger ous love of all. We are not proud of our love that needs, but we are proud of our love that gives. When we reach out to our beloved in order to feel admired, secure and restored, we are not overcome with a sense of our nobility and godliness. To the degree we have awareness of what is going on in the relationship, we understand that we are loving in order to be loved and helped. We are not proud of these needs necessar ily, but we recognize them as being very human. What happens, however, when we express love that is sacrificial and un selfish? The family is put first and the wishes of the partner are sought out and fulfilled — what do we feel? We begin to feel very godly and div ine. Our unselfish love, because it is like God, becomes our god. Our wor ship of it can destroy us and our mar riage. God is love. He is Gift Love. He doesn’t need anything. He is com plete. However, in grace He places Himself in a position where He needs us to propagate the Gospel. In effect, He says, “ If you praise me, I will honor you.” In other words, even God’s Love, by His grace, has these two sides. Our marriages will be better off if we acknowledge that both types of love exist and that both are worthy of being accepted. Rejection of either type of love is rationalizing our fear of love unless it is on our idealistic terms.
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THE KING'S BUSINESS
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