Here was a case where faithfulness was absolute ly essential to maintain the mental and emotional health of the mate. Though God forgave Jane, her husband was so insecure that her sin triggered a catastrophic breakdown. Jim couldn’t “ help talking to the children about it.” This, and the quarreling they witnessed, caused loss o f respect for both par ents, bewilderment, and a feeling of “ being lost.” H ow would this react on them in the future? Only the years will tell, but certainly it can have only detrimental effects. Of all the sins enumerated in Scripture, this is the on ly one which (according to many Bible teach ers) is given as ground for divorce. It is the one most detrimental to a marriage, the one which trau matizes the mate the most, and to which he can the least easily adjust. ( “ The sparrow’s w ing may be knitted once broken, but he can never fly so high.” ) W e, as Christians, should be very careful not to allow ourselves even to have the opportunity to yield to such a temptation. What can a Christian do if such a thing happens in his marriage? He should immediately seek help from a pastor or Christian counselor who will help him to confess his sin and receive full forgiveness. A counselor will also help him gain insight into the causes of the problem, and develop appropriate safeguards against any re-occurrences. The “ injured party” should: First, confess his own sins and shortcomings to God and accept God’s forgiveness. Forgive himself. Make a practice of confessing his faults to the mate (without pointing out the mate’s faults), and asking for intercessory prayer (James 5 :16 ). Second, go to a Christian mar riage counselor before discussing the matter with anyone else. Third, try to determine, with the help of the counselor, wherein he or she has contributed to the problem. Fourth, develop understanding of the mate: his or her problems, insecurities, and needs. F ifth, read Christian literature on marital happiness*, and make plans, with the help of the counselor and the mate, to make the marriage a truly happy one. Sixth, grow in Christ. Bead the Bible and pray daily. Put this first in the hierarchy of “ things to do.” Don ’t leave the altar of prayer until true forgiveness and compassion comes through becoming aware of your own sins, receiving forgive ness and cleansing through confession and faith in Christ, and “ abiding in H im .”
once infidelity has reared its ugly head. Anne felt there must he something wrong with her, otherwise her husband would not have strayed. Lacking in self-confidence, this blow even further lowered her self-esteem. Though Anne and Jack tried to continue the marriage “ as though it had never happened,” other problems were cropping up. In working through these problems with their psychologist, they found, to their dismay, that the numerous little and big problems were related to the lack o f faithfulness. Their unhappiness was causing insecurity in their children as well, and they were “ losing control” of them. Another couple, who were Christians, had en joyed complete trust and confidence in one another for a period of twelve years. Jane, the wife, seemed to be fairly well-adjusted, but Jim, the husband, was a very dependent person. His background was one wherein there had been little, if any, love expressed. He felt, previous to his marriage, that he had never accomplished anything of value. A fter marriage, he felt Jane’s love and gained confidence to such an extent that he found he was able to accomplish things he had never before believed possible. Their marriage seemed “ ideal.” Then, one night, Jane went out and failed to return until the wee small hours of the morning. Jim was frightened. When he saw her walking in with no evident injury, his fright turned to anger. He accused her of unfaith fulness, and much to his surprise, she admitted it was true. Again, there was no understanding of “ W h y ? ” It had “ just happened.” Jane felt extremely guilty and repentant. Because of her relationship to Christ, she was able, in time,- to forgive herself; but her husband could not forgive her. He tried, he said, but his self-confidence had received such a devastating blow that his w ife’s unfaithfulness was a re-occurring sub ject and seldom out of his mind. He found himself full of hatred and hostility. A t times he could not restrain himself and would inflict physical injury on his wife. For a time, she was able to “ take it,” admit her fault and blame, and talk quietly with him. A t times, they would be very close, but any little thing would “ set him off” again, until Jane was afraid for her life. Finally she called the psy chologist working with them and said she had reached her limit. She just couldn’t take it any longer even though she loved her husband very much. Jim called a few minutes later, crying, and said, after telling how he had mistreated his wife, “ What shall I do?” It was recommended that he go into a sani tarium for psychiatric treatment.
“ For we realize that our life in this world is actually His life lived in us” (I John 4:17 Phillips). Ask yourself “ What would Christ do?” Then allow H im to do it through you. *See D r. Clyde N arram ore’s small book, “ H appiness in M a rria ge.” my husband was unfaithful by Jeannette Acrea Psychologist and Marriage Counsellor
SEPTEMBER, 1962
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