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U.B. Smart School’s
STUDENT BITTEN BY SPARK-L-TEETH SCANDAL PRODUCT PREVIEW Popular student is under investigation.
by Jason, Science & Tech Reporter
Elena, a popular U.B. Smart High School student, is caught up in a dispute between rival toothpaste companies. Her science fair project com- pared Spark-L-Teeth tooth- paste against Dental D’Light toothpaste to determine which brand is more effective in whit- ening teeth. Elena’s research concluded that Spark-L-Teeth’s product is superior to Dental D’Light’s. Science fair officials have learned that Dental D’Light is suing Spark-L-Teeth for making false claims about Spark-L-Teeth’s toothpaste. Since Elena’s report relies on information from Spark- L-Teeth, her project is under investigation. The Spark-L-Teeth/Dental D’Light conflict began over a recent advertisement. In the ad, ordinary smiling people vouch for Spark-L-Teeth toothpaste, claiming that since using it, they have 20% fewer cavities. One of these people, L.I. Arpants, claims her teeth “are 20% brighter.”
Nee, who writes a popular blog about space trav- el. He blogged that his teeth “shine like stars in outer space.” He states that, in his expert opin- ion, he’s had 15% better luck with the ladies because of Spark-L-Teeth. Spark-L-Teeth spokesperson Pearl E. White, confirms that Spark-L-Teeth has the data to back up their sparkle superiority complex. She cites a 2001 U.S. Department of Smiles test confirming that an ingredient similar to the one used in Spark-L-Teeth is 15% more effective in whitening teeth. Buck Tuth, President of the Tooth Fairies Association (“TFA”), and noted dental in- dustry expert, is skeptical. “We believe the government data is flawed,” he said, “Our fairies report that teeth from children who use Spark-L-Teeth are no easier to find in the dark than teeth from children who use other products. Our fairies note no difference at all.” Spark-L-Teeth and the TFA haven’t always seen eye-to-eye, (or tooth-to-tooth!) Spark-L- Teeth recently mouthed off about the tooth fairies’ refusal to leave money under the pillows of children with cavities. Dental D’Light has referred all questions to their law firm Dewey, Cheatem and Howe. Buck Tuth is skeptical of Spark-L-Teeth’s superiority claim.
All of the smiling people received a case of Spark-L- Teeth for participating in the advertisement. Elena’s research also re- lies on information received from Spark-L-Teeth user and ex-NASA astronaut Col. Pho
“We love Spark-L-Teeth!’ people claim.
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