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The Bledsoe Firm JustFamilyLaw.com | 949.363.5551 MARCH | 2024
DEBUNKING DIVORCE MYTHS
Divorce is a legally complicated and emotionally charged topic. It impacts lives, rearranges families, and profoundly affects anyone involved. Consequently, many myths surround it, some of which are absurd and harmful. For anyone going through this difficult process, it’s essential to differentiate truth from falsehood.
settle divorces before they go to court. Spouses typically come to a resolution to ensure a clean break. Before a divorce, most couples make compromises and continue doing so during divorce. They have good reason to, as trials are difficult and stressful for everyone. Should the trial go before a judge, they won’t have control over the outcome, so it’s in everyone’s best interest to solve things in a civilized manner. MYTH 4: BOTH SPOUSES MUST AGREE TO DIVORCE There’s a trope where both parties must agree to
MYTH 1: MOTHERS ALWAYS GET CUSTODY
Some fathers don’t bother contesting custody because mothers always get custody, right? False. Mothers do not always get custody of their children, especially if they are deemed unfit by the judge. Fathers should never give up on custody based on this assumption. While the courts do weigh in favor of mothers, it’s not the landslide you’d expect. Mothers win custody about 80% of the time in uncontested custody agreements — but contested custody battles weigh in the mother’s favor only 60% of the time. Fathers often create a self-fulfilling prophecy that guarantees failure, but they should never give up if it’s in the child’s best interest. MYTH 2: HALF OF ALL MARRIAGES END IN DIVORCE Many have a fatalist view on marriage, especially after hearing that half of all marriages lead to divorce. Luckily, this myth isn’t true; it was in the 1980s, but it isn’t anymore. On average, marriages are stronger than they’ve ever been. Only 15% of people married in the 2000s got divorced before a 15-year anniversary, down from 30% in the 1990s. There is always hope for the future.
divorce lest they remain trapped in a broken marriage. There’s a dramatic fight wherein one spouse must accept the need for divorce. That is false: Filing for divorce in many states, including California, only takes one spouse.
MYTH 5: ALL PROPERTY WILL BE SPLIT EVENLY This myth is partially true, but it depends on the state. California has community property, as do a few other states, including Texas and Washington. Essentially, if a spouse owns assets before marriage, those assets are still considered theirs during and after the marriage. Assets accumulated during marriage are generally split equally per California law. MYTH 6: LIFE ENDS AT DIVORCE Divorce isn’t an end; it’s an opportunity. There aren’t many times when you can embark on a new journey with a clean slate. Pick a hobby, move to another city, or do anything you fancy. Divorce allows you to reinvent yourself and grow, to become the person you’ve always wanted to be. Take advantage of divorce and let yourself blossom. It’s the uncertainty that makes divorce unsettling to many. Not only are the legalities of divorce nuanced, but so is the future beyond it. Dispelling these myths lets you see this complex process clearly and make the right decision. It’s much easier to understand once you shine a light on the darkness, and post-divorce is less intimidating. If you have any further questions about any myths you’ve heard, call us today. —John Bledsoe
MYTH 3: EVERY DIVORCE GOES TO TRIAL
According to TV, every divorce is a fiery trial case full of conflict and drama. In reality, almost all spouses
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INJURY-FREE RUNNING BREAKDOWN OF SPOUSAL SUPPORT OPTIONS
THE 4 TYPES OF ALIMONY
Divorce is often financially harder on one spouse than the other, and some spouses struggle financially. Alimony — a transfer of funds from the highest-earning spouse — allows them to stay afloat. There are four types of alimony awarded in different situations. TEMPORARY ALIMONY In these cases, temporary alimony supports the spouse who earns less while the divorce is pending. The amount can vary depending on the income of both spouses and the length of their marriage but will end once the proceedings are finalized. Temporary alimony may change to another form if the judge deems it necessary. REHABILITATIVE ALIMONY In some marriages, one spouse might need to gain the skills to find a career to support
themselves. In rehabilitative alimony, the higher- earning spouse covers their living expenses while they train to boost their earning potential. This includes enrolling in college, signing up for a training program, or getting a certification. This temporary support requires the spouse to report on their journey to self-sufficiency to ensure that they’re working toward independence. It ends when the receiving spouse is financially independent or remarries. PERMANENT ALIMONY In particularly lengthy marriages, especially those over 10 years, one spouse may be awarded permanent alimony. They must have been out of the workforce for an extended period and have few ways to support themselves, if at all. While permanent alimony’s name implies it will last forever,
that’s not usually true. Judges typically award months or years of alimony. While some permanent alimonies indeed are permanent, those are rare. LUMP-SUM ALIMONY The amount depends on various factors, such as both spouses’ standard of living, income, and more. For marriages under 10 years, they may be awarded alimony lasting half the total years of marriage. Whether you’re paying, receiving, or debating alimony, you must know the differences between temporary, rehabilitative, permanent, and lump- sum options. It can keep you prepared for the proceedings ahead. If you have any questions about alimony, give us a call.
Fasting for Vitality Take Charge of Your Health
Fasting is a popular diet trend at the moment. You can find videos all over the internet about the benefits people have had while engaging in fasting. Fortunately, unlike many fad diets, the fasting trend is positive, as research has shown it offers many health benefits. Here’s a look at a few of those. WHY SHOULD YOU FAST? When the body stops getting calories, you start burning fat reserves in your body. This fat is sent to the liver and converted into acids called ketones. Ketones are used as fuel to run your body and brain like a backup generator when it doesn’t have food. This process is called ketosis and happens when you fast. Besides burning fat, fasting offers other benefits.
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It improves heart health by lowering cholesterol and blood pressure, decreasing the odds of developing heart disease. Regular fasting may boost brain function and prevent neurodegenerative disorders. Fasting helps with weight loss by increasing growth hormone secretion.
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TYPES OF FASTING Before engaging in any fasting routine, check with your health practitioner to make sure you are making a choice that aligns with your continued health and wellness. There are many types of fasting, including:
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Juice Fasts — You only drink fruit or vegetable juices for the duration of the fast. Water Fasts — You can only drink water for a regulated period of time. Intermittent Fasting — This technique restricts food intake, wholly or partially, throughout the day or for part of the week. You can eat as you usually would during the off-hours or days.
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It promotes blood sugar control by lowering insulin sensitivity — so fasting decreases the chances of getting Type 2 diabetes. Fasting reduces acute inflammation and improves chronic inflammation, which has serious consequences for heart disease, cancer, and other serious conditions.
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Fasting, a healthy diet, and exercise offer many health benefits and help keep your body and mind spry as you age. Talk to your doctor to see if fasting could be a reasonable part of your life plan.
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It’s hard to talk to children about divorce. They may find it difficult to understand why their parents are separating or how their lives will change. Despite this, they must know what to expect. It’s a life-altering decision, even if the separation is in their best interest. THE TRUTH Don’t lie to your kids. They deserve to know why you’re splitting up; stories will only confuse them. It doesn’t have to be a detailed account of the marriage, but it should get the point across. For example, “We aren’t friends anymore” conveys divorce in simple language that kids understand. Breaking the News With Love
MAKE THEM FEEL LOVED Say “I love you,” and say it often.
Children are naturally self- centered, so they may worry that they are causing your separation. They may feel guilty, angry, or depressed. Above all else, assure them that they are not responsible for their parents’ divorce. Let them know that they are loved and cherished no matter what.
Sesame Garlic Ramen
Inspired by TheSaltyMarshmallow.com
INGREDIENTS •
RESPECT YOUR SPOUSE Children love both parents and rely on them for support. No matter how you
2 6-oz packages of ramen noodles
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1/4 cup soy sauce
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1 tbsp brown sugar
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2 tsp of sesame oil
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2 tsp Sriracha
feel about your spouse, don’t disrespect them around your child. Doing so will make them uncomfortable and uncertain. Don’t forget that while you can divorce your spouse, they can never divorce their parents. SHOW A UNITED FRONT While not always possible, work with your spouse. It will be much easier for the child if they hear it from both of you. Plan out the conversation together beforehand and stick to it. It must go well for the child’s sake, so work together — even if it’s painful. EXPLAIN THE DETAILS Younger children will want to know how it affects them. Tell them about changes in their routine, such as living arrangements, custody scheduling, and so on. Give them time to ask questions and answer them truthfully. However, you shouldn’t bombard them with too much information at once, as it will overwhelm and confuse them. Few parts of divorce are as difficult as telling your children, but it’s a lot easier if you plan ahead. Give them respect, empathy, and consideration when you have the conversation. Most importantly, show them love.
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2 cloves of garlic, minced
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Chopped green onions, for garnish
DIRECTIONS 1. Cook the ramen noodles according to the instructions on the package. Toss the seasoning packet or save for another recipe. 2. Heat sesame oil in a small saucepan or skillet over medium heat. 3. Add garlic and sauté for about 2 minutes, stirring constantly so it doesn’t burn. 4. Remove pan from heat, whisk in soy sauce, brown sugar, and Sriracha until well combined. Feel free to add more heat or sweetness to taste. 5. Drain noodles and combine with sauce, tossing gently. 6. If desired, add your choice of cooked meat or tofu and mix thoroughly. 7. Garnish with green onions.
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Inside
Breaking Down 6 Misconceptions About the End of Marriage
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Understand the 4 Forms of Alimony
Enjoy Better Health With Fasting
Navigating the Divorce Conversation With Kids
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Sesame Garlic Ramen
The Problems With Mouth Breathing Explained
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The Negative Consequences of Mouth Breathing HOW YOU BREATHE MATTERS:
For most people, how you breathe isn’t a decision. You don’t choose whether or not you breathe out of your nose or mouth while sleeping.
narrow, causing teeth to become overcrowded. The upper lip elongates as well, often leading to a gummy grin. Also, the lower jaw doesn’t come forward like it should, which can constrict airways, resulting in sleep apnea and other problems.
But it matters. Mouth breathing can be harmful, affecting your sleep quality and oral hygiene. And many don’t know it can permanently affect a child’s facial shape and appearance. Humans can only breathe one of two ways — through the nose or mouth. The human body itself implies that noses are the better option, and most people breathe through their noses (barring the occasional stuffed nose). The nasal cavity has various filtering mechanisms, aka nose hairs, that clean the air of allergens and other particles. Bone structures called “turbinates” moisturize and regulate air temperature as well. Meanwhile, mouth breathing lacks these safeguards, which can lead to various health problems, including jaw malformation, gingivitis, etc.
These bone structure alterations result from force produced by the tongue. When mouth breathing, the tongue spends time in the palate space (the area between your teeth). This creates an upward pressure, encouraging forward jawbone growth. It also leads to a more pronounced forehead, and these face changes last into adulthood. Those who begin mouth breathing as adults will not experience face changes.
If you’re worried about mouth breathing or your child’s, you have options. First, try to find and treat the cause, like reducing nasal congestion by treating allergies, asthma, or a sinus infection. Practicing breathing techniques using your diaphragm can be effective,
One of the surprising effects of mouth breathing as a child is a change in bone structure during childhood development. Faces can elongate and
but yoga also helps. While overcoming mouth breathing can be difficult, everyone can do it with knowledge, time, and practice.
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