The Alleynian 708 2020

THE ALLEYNIAN 708 | OUT OF THE ORDINARY

THE ALLEYNIAN 708 | OUT OF THE ORDINARY

Image: James He (Year 10)

O ur world has become increasingly split into two types of people: those who have Animal Crossing on Nintendo Switch, and those who wish they did. To clarify for those who aren’t quite so down with what’s hip and happening, Animal Crossing is a game with endless possibilities: it allows you to talk to people without reflexively flinching when they cough; to go for a walk without having to remember why you never go for walks; and even to hit the shops without encountering hordes of panicked denizens of Mumsnet, who’ve all recently graduated with a degree in Coronavirus from their WhatsApp group chats. Yes, the future really is now, and boy does it have some cute graphics. So, while you’re all learning a language, or realising the rest of your family are twisted sociopaths who exhibit little regard for what you’re fairly certain used to be your private space, I’ll be living la dolce vita all by myself. All I need to worry about now is how dry my skin is after the biblical deluge of hand sanitiser it’s been drowned in over the past few weeks.

OPINION, INTERVIEWS & FEATURES

HOME ALONE

Isolation within individual households has brought its own unique challenges. Jack Probert (Year 13) takes a lighthearted look at the existential implications of social distancing

Oh, and the crushing dread of my seventh lie-in this week.

I think Seneca must have been onto something when he said that everything that exceeds the bounds of moderation has an unstable foundation (and if that quote doesn’t get me my A* in whatever semblance of assessment is being concocted to replace the exams that have suddenly become so dear to me, I don’t know what will). My unstable foundation is, without a doubt, my somewhat lopsided sleep cycle. I must confess, I don’t quite know what went wrong or when it happened. All I know is that I woke up at 11:15 this morning and lay there like a beached whale until about 12:00. Without early-morning trains to catch and looming deadlines to meet, I am haunted by the phantom of productivity. I weep, I mourn, I weep some more, but alas, there is nothing that can be done: no matter how many alarms I set, my body has other ideas about when we wake up.

But, and not to get too off-brand here for a moment, let’s take this as a positive. Yes, we are trapped. Yes, despite our best efforts to surround ourselves with things to do and people to talk to, we are more alone now than ever before. But we cannot let that defeat us. We cannot let that turn us into couch potatoes who cower from the aspects of ourselves we are now forced to see more clearly as the dust kicked up by decades of unrelenting places-to-be and people-to-see dissipates. We cannot let unknown and unprecedented times carve us up into two types of people: into those who shove and jostle and those who wait patiently in line. To fight back against isolation, we must use this time to face ourselves. Now, I am only writing this in March, having been in lockdown for just a week and a half. How do I know that we are going to make it through this difficult time unscathed? I don’t. At the risk of sounding like a slightly kooky self-isolating Socrates, all I know at the moment are my personal flaws and shortcomings. I cannot tell you how many weeks or months we’re going to be stuck like this, but I can tell you how many Jaffa cakes I ate yesterday, even if I think we both appreciate my right to privacy there. But let’s not allow this unfamiliar and unprecedented situation to paralyse us: now is the time to fight our boredom, fight our laziness, and try to become better, kinder people.

WITHOUT EARLY-MORNING TRAINS TO CATCH AND LOOMING DEADLINES TO MEET, I AM HAUNTED BY THE PHANTOM OF PRODUCTIVITY

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