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MAY 2025
Strength Beyond the Body
A Mental Health Fitness Journey
The biggest trick to thriving in life is figuring out how to get out of your own way. As I write this message, I’m just returning from working out at the gym. Although I feel great and am happy to have put my body to the test today, there was a time when I couldn’t have imagined starting a newsletter with that statement. Mentioned in a previous edition, I got sober in October 2021. In many ways, finally reaching that goal put me in a headspace I wasn’t expecting. For one thing, not drinking meant there was no escaping certain things anymore, including the fact that I hadn’t always been the best friend to my mind and body. I began focusing on how I felt physically as well as mentally, which led me to consider ways to help improve how I tackle my days without alcohol. Just Launched — The Illinois Divorce Guide Podcast! Listen and Share!
Before long, I signed up for a 5 a.m. weight training class — something I had never done before. To be honest, it was scary and intimidating at first. Although they might not always admit it, many men get anxious and feel like they don’t belong when they walk into a gym and see a bunch of huge dudes who know what they’re doing. Despite initially feeling like a fish out of water, I stuck with it. At first, I felt weak, and it was tough to complete even basic exercises. Slowly but surely, my whole body recalibrated and built a foundation that enabled me to really lift weights. Before I knew it, a year passed, and my body felt better than at any other time in my life. In addition to lifting weights, I committed to running more regularly. Running has been a part of my life ever since I started doing it with my dad — an avid jogger —when I was 11 or 12. As I got older, it proved to be an excellent outlet for relieving stress when I felt anxious or overwhelmed with life. Whenever I needed clarity, I knew I could go out for a run to kickstart my optimism. In September 2019, my experience as a runner hit its highest peak when I participated in the Chicago Marathon to raise funds for pancreatic cancer research and prevention. My involvement was personal, as pancreatic cancer was what took Dad away from us. Training to 18 miles a day was an amazing experience and something I’ll likely share in greater detail in a future newsletter.
The point behind this article is simple: Physical exercise is critical to more than just our bodies. Going from your desk to your recliner to your bed every day does terrible things to our mental health. If you’re struggling to find consistent peace of mind, the best thing you can do is use exercise to set the floor for progress. Of course, getting started isn’t easy — and it took me a long time to get on my feet to do it — but I promise it will be worth it to get in some good exercise at least three times a week. Once you get on a routine, I guarantee you’ll start to miss it if you have a week where you only do it once or not at all. Physical activity has been instrumental in helping me achieve my goals — personally, with my family, and at my practice. I have no
doubt it will provide you with similar success. All you need to do is take that first step.
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Guinness Names World’s Most Productive Mother Mind-Bending Mama
You may have heard of Octomom, the California mother of 14 who gave birth to octuplets, or the woman in Morocco who gave birth to nonuplets in 2021, all nine of whom are alive and well. These record-breaking moms have nothing on Mrs. Feodor Vassilyev. According to the Guinness Book of World Records, the 18th-century Russian woman gave birth to 69 children — including 16 pairs of twins, seven sets of triplets, and four sets of quadruplets! Even the Guinness editors admit the story seems unlikely, but they cite “numerous contemporaneous sources” to back the story. The first was a monastery in the town
of Nikolsk, northeast of Moscow, where monks recorded and reported the births to Moscow officials in 1782. The Lancet, a respected medical journal, recounted in 1878 an account by French researchers from the “Statistical Works of Russia,” showing that Mrs. Vassilyev’s husband had spawned 87 children by two wives. Separately, The Gentleman’s Magazine, an 18th and 19th-century English periodical, published a report by a writer claiming to have an original letter, dated 1782, saying that O.S. Feodor Wassilief (sic), age 75, had 69 children via 27 births by his first wife and 18 children via eight births by his second wife, for a total of 87 offspring! Citing information from an English merchant in St. Petersburg, the writer said 84 of the children had survived, and the father had been invited to meet the empress, Catherine the Great. The first Mrs. Vassilyev’s remarkable record suggests that she was pregnant for 243 months, or more than 20 years, of her life — more than half the average life expectancy of Russian women in that era!
Sunny Days, Solo Steps Summer Strategies for Newly Divorced Parents
SIGNIFICANT MOMENTS ARE STILL WORTH SHARING. Even when a divorce is amicable, some moments that were once a family affair become experiences without the other spouse. You may even engage in a new hobbies with your child
If there’s one or more schoolchildren in your household, you know how fun — and hectic — summer can be. With everything from daily activities to lengthy seasonal vacations looming, the next few months will undoubtedly present a busy schedule that will create lasting memories. Unfortunately, if you’re about to spend summer as a recently divorced parent, it could also be a time of new stresses and a lack of direction. While no two divorces or co-parenting situations are alike, here are two thoughts to help you and your young one(s) make the most of your first summer without the full family. SUMMER CAN BE A SEASON OF SURPRISES. If your family’s typical summer traditions are no longer on the agenda due to divorce, consider using your newfound solo time with your child to explore new possibilities. Perhaps you’ve always wanted to introduce them to hiking or see if they would enjoy baking as much as you do, or maybe they’ve expressed an interest in art or taking up an instrument. Introducing new activities they enjoy will help turn what could be an uncomfortable time without the other parent into opportunities for fresh adventures that could broaden their horizons.
that are exclusive to your time with them. Encouraging your child to share these experiences with the other parent through photos, stories, and mementos can help them feel connected despite their absence. It’s a great way for your child to foster a greater sense of involvement with them. For example, if you and your child have taken up crafting, perhaps they can create something special for their mom or dad. If both parents agree to take this approach, separate activities can feel more like shared family moments rather than competitions between separate camps. Your first summer as a single parent may feel different, but it doesn’t need to prevent you — and, most importantly, your child or children — from adjusting to the change positively.
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Escape the Ego A Navigational Guide to Divorcing Narcissists
OVERCOMING A NARCISSIST IN COURT One main reason why narcissists employ their tactics against a victim is because they work . When attempting to hold your own during divorce proceedings with someone with this personality, refrain from letting emotions outweigh facts, and set clear boundaries on what you will and won’t tolerate. For example, focus on your big-picture goals and don’t allow the other party to trick you into putting your energy toward trivial disputes throughout the proceedings. Refuse to be bullied into accepting terms that harm your desired outcomes, and stand your ground with your attorney’s support. An experienced divorce attorney has the expertise necessary to help you best prepare for your case against a narcissist by educating you on ways to avoid falling into manipulative traps that will leave you with less than you deserve. Please contact us today to discuss your specific situation and how to keep such bad behavior at bay.
It’s common for personalities to clash during a divorce, but it’s unacceptable for one side’s negative traits to reach unbearable levels. While divorce is rarely a smooth and positive process for participants, the situation can involve additional layers of stress and negativity when one of the partners has narcissistic tendencies. Here is a general
description of classic narcissism, how it can affect divorce proceedings, and how the other side can better protect themselves and deflect the narcissist’s efforts to make an already uncomfortable situation even worse. AN OVERVIEW OF SELF-OBSESSION Before addressing ways to handle dealing with a narcissist, let’s first explore what the word means. Although it’s tempting for one side of a highly emotional divorce to label the other as a “narcissist” simply for arguing their side in the matter, clear patterns of behavior legitimize that description. Common signs of true narcissism include a profound desire for attention, displays of grandiose self- importance, a history of fractious personal relationships, over-exaggeration, constant manipulative tactics, and a lack of empathy toward others. These traits are commonly displayed in other facets of life beyond the divorce, leaving the narcissists’ partner or others close to them feeling unheard, belittled, or as if their thoughts and feelings are invalid.
TAKE A BREAK
Creamy Chicken Carbonara
Ingredients • 12 oz spaghetti or linguine • 1 boneless, skinless chicken breast, sliced (8 oz) • Salt and pepper • 1 tbsp olive oil • 4 large eggs
• 3 oz Parmesan cheese • 4 oz pancetta or bacon, diced • 2 cloves garlic, minced • 1/2 cup pasta water • 1 tbsp chopped parsley, optional
Directions 1. Cook pasta in boiling water until al dente. Save 1/2 cup of pasta water, then drain. 2. Season chicken with salt and pepper. Heat olive oil in a pan over medium heat, and cook chicken until golden and fully cooked. Remove chicken. 3. In a bowl, mix eggs and Parmesan cheese until smooth. 4. Add pancetta to chicken pan, cook until crispy, then stir in garlic and cook for 30 seconds. 5. Toss pasta with pancetta, then remove from heat. Stir in egg mixture, adding reserved pasta water gradually until creamy. 6. Mix in chicken and garnish with parsley before serving.
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IN THIS ISSUE
1.
Where Muscle Meets Mindset
2.
Record-Breaking Russian Mom Gives Birth to 69 Children
New Paths in Parenting Alone
3.
Shut Off the Gaslighting
Creamy Chicken Carbonara
4.
Europe’s Hidden Paradise: The Hawaii of the Atlantic
A Journey Back in Time
Escape to the Azores
If a trek through timeless volcanic landscapes dotted
The rocky shorelines of the Azores ascend as high as 7,713 feet atop the Ponta de Pico on the island of Pico. The islands’ untamed beauty offers plenty of outdoor activities, from kayaking to hiking. The climate is subtropical, with year-round temperatures ranging from 57 to 71 degrees Fahrenheit. Religious festivals and traditional holidays abound on these predominantly Roman Catholic islands, an autonomous region of Portugal. Beyond that, however, the islands’ culture, dialect, and cuisine vary widely. The largest island, São Miguel, is home to numerous hot springs and Europe’s only two tea plantations. An emblematic nature area, Sete Cidades, includes the famed Lagoa Azul (blue lagoon) and Lagoa Verde (green lagoon). Numerous healing hot springs in Furnas offer opportunities for wellness and relaxation
seekers. Ilheu de Vila Franca, a flooded crater islet accessible from the southern shore of São Miguel, offers exceptional visibility of unique marine life, plus snorkeling, swimming, and cliff diving. Wine lovers will enjoy the island of Pico, where vintners produce the islands’ complex volcanic wines. The Azores Wine Company offers tastings, tours, and overnight stays. The island of Santa Maria has the only white- sand beaches in the region. And Faial Island’s bountiful hydrangea gardens have earned it the nickname “The Blue Island.” Foodies will also enjoy famous local foods, including octopus stewed in wine, kale soup, fried mackerel, and fresh yogurt and cheeses. Taken together, the Azores have something to delight any traveler.
with crater lakes, waterfalls, and hot springs, plus access to
awe-inspiring marine life sounds inviting, the Azores may be the vacation spot for you! The Azores are an increasingly popular tourist destination, often called “the Hawaii of Europe” for their remote mid- ocean location and volcanic origins. The archipelago encompasses nine major islands 1,000 miles off the coast of Portugal and is one of the best whale-watching sites in the world. Visitors should plan their trip from the end of April to the beginning of May to view larger migratory species, such as the blue whale.
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