FINAL EDITION
News from CannaTown
Page 13
Toast Tower Goes up in CannaTown
“ at’s literally the farthest we can throw a wad of concrete.” Two years ago, a similar endeavor, Hempmarket Landing, reached 48 feet tall, despite plans for shops and condos. e structure, a 16-room silo with no electricity or stairs, was condemned on the day of comple- tion, while cannstruction workers were still cashing the last on-site bowls. “ at project was fundamentally awed from the start,” the builder told Dispatches . “For instance, the blue prints were draed on an Etch- a-Sketch. During an earthquake.” “No one remembered how to work
Construction has begun on Toast Tower , due to be the largest man-made sky-scraper ever built while completely high. e draing committee is ambitious, boasting that the high-rise will stretch miles into the heavens, while a contractor speaking under terms of anonymity said he expects it to reach about 60 feet in height. “ ere’s no way we’re going to get higher than 5 stories,” he told Dispatches in secret.
the crane,” he added. Still, developers for Toast Tower are posi- tive things will work out this time. “We tried out the design with a deck of cards, and it held up extraordinarily well,” said Herbert Jeeves of Bongatron Construction, “ e only thing that brought it down was that we needed space for the pizza.”
completely leave the building.” e Call Center closed at 1pm. Employ- ees reported that the aroma was so over- powering that a line of nauseated people formed outside the lavatories, and others ran panicked into the streets. e o ce evacuated, followed by buildings nearby, as the skunk-righteous stench lingered far, carrying with it a pungeant, creamy essence and deplorable wonder.
Building Evacuated Due to Skunk
e o ce doors were nally shuttered o to passersby for safety reasons, and for authorities to locate the beast. “We’ve had skunk in here before, but never this bad,” reported Rogers. “ is may be the zaniest case I ever smelled, but can’t say I’m surprised. ey’ve been talking about some epic skunk coming through for a few weeks now.” e investigation is part of a broadened eort to answer reports of skunk from a local taqueria, and from a family whose son was visiting from college during the prior weekend.
A crew is still on the search for the skunk that shut down an entire Cannatown Call Center on Tuesday. “It was about 12:45, right aer the late night janitor crew clocked in, that the skunk was rst reported,” said facilites manager Ted Rogers. “We now know, from the pure dankity dankness of its aroma, that it is a strong skunk, and that its skunkalicious essence may take weeks to
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