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Dispatches from the Highlands
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CannaTown News New Study Shows You’re Stressed Out Like a Mofo
New research shows you are totally stressed to the core, and that nobody in their right mind can possibly know what a nightmare your life is right now. Scientists report that you’re losing your grip on reality and haven’t gotten a good night of sleep in lord only knows how long, and that the person who’s honking in the car behind you can go stick their head in an elephant’s posterior. Moreso, evidence shows that you’re not going to do another freakin’ thing until the steam- roller full of Hindu Kush sitting on the mantel has been fully smaked, reloaded and smaked again, and that you don’t give two rips about what anybody says, even if the pus hit you so hard that you puke your guts out. Statistics suggest that you’re by far the most stressed-out bastard on the planet, and therefore retain the license to smake until you puke right here and right now, as cod is your witness. Age with Grace! at Cannatown Retirement Community Assisted Dabbing! Come for the Peace Stay for the Smake! Live like you’ve died and gone to heaven Free Cannsultation. Come join our circle!
When asked if a cadet or computer wrote these items, the test group was fooled by the computer nearly 75% of the time.
“High” Computer Passes Visual Turing Test Learns, writes like a cadet well enough to fool humans
Arti cial Canntelligence (AC) has made huge advancements in recent years, but typically it pales in comparison to the real thing. But now a team of researchers have developed an AC that can learn handwritten characters aer seeing single examples written by canna- cadets. e research had two goals: to better understand how cadets actually think, and to break machines slightly so that they could learn in this cadet- like way. “For the rst time, we have a machine system that can hazily learn a class of visual concepts just like a cadet at 4:20 in the aernoon,” said chief scientist Mona Rosen- baum. “Essentially, we got the computer high.” Cadets are really good at “cannductive reasoning,” a concept that allows us to take a single idea, and somehow get to another completely unrelated idea, without any idea how we
got there, and then ve seconds later, completely forget what we were talking about in the rst place, and order nachos. Volunteering cadets drew hundreds of sentences on handwritten note paper, and researchers fed the strips one by one into the program. e machine was asked to break the sentences into dierent words and reassemble them based on other sentences; this task was given also to a cadet test group and in both cases the test failed miserably. However, it did pass the Turing test. When asked to identify whether a human, or arti cially high computer had produced the sentences, a group of judges was stumped. eir guesses were slightly bet- ter than high chance. Arti cal Canntelligence is still a long way from matching the thrill of the high, but the future is not far.
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