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Dispatches from the Highlands
News from CannaTown JAN-FEB 2026
FINAL EDITION
$4.20 Cents
EXPATS FOUND 'HIGHTOWNE' NEW CITY PLANTED ON WELL-BLAZED TRAIL
********* Long time residents of CannaTown bid farewell to their old city and are building a new town on an old, high hill - full story pg B17 GROUP OF CANNATOWN RESIDENTS GATHERS TO SING, RAISE FLAG, SMAKE
Space Cadet finally lands See Astronaut, Page 15 High Expeditions e Highlands, Page 10 A legion of academics are ascending into the highlands to nally map all the ways to get there. See Highlands .......................Page 10 It Seems to Me Old Codger, Page 11 Octagenarian Raymond Halvorson tells it like it is, consarnit. See Old Codger .....................Page 11 Huge, Pink & Missing Bud Heist, Page 8 e world’s darling pink bud was taken from her case in the middle of the night and now she’s missing! See Bud Heist ..........................Page 8
New Prof on Campus 'Purp' De'Purp, Page 11 Authorities now suspect that bros interefered with the satchel in order to in uence the outcome of the bowl. See Suspected Bros .................Page 16 Bros Interfered in Bowl Suspected Bros, Page 16 Building Evacuates Skunk Loose, Page 13 A skunk on the loose has caused two buildings to be completely evacuated, it’s that strong. believe it or not. See Skunk Loose ....................Page 13 Tra c Jam on C420 Passed Right, Page 16 A local circle jammed up when a camp- er and wrong way passers collided. See Passed Right ......................Page 16 Weekly CannaScopes See Fortunes, Page 9 deals.cannapages.com Today’s Coupons feature:
Deals In Your Area! Local Maps, Page 18
SOUTHERN COLORADO CANNABIS LISTINGS Addresses, Phone by Categories: Doctors . . . . . . . . . . . . . 19 Dispensaries . . . . . . . . . . 21 Kratom/Herbal . . . . . . . . . 26 Grow Stores . . . . . . . . . . . 28 CBDMassage. . . . . . . . . . 28 Hemp/CBD.. . . . . . . . . . 28 GlassShops ........... 30 VapeShops ........... 33
NEWS FROM CANNATOWN
Dispatches from the Highlands cata- logues a airs and news from the beau- tiful city of CannaTown, a quaint and quiet village built upon the con uence of the mighty IcyBong and Resinald Rivers, amidst the misty foothills of the Highlands. e Dispatches family is proud to present completely unique content--a cannacopia of squibs, life- style columns, reviews and deals--from across the globe. e publication is writ- ten and edited by a mostly-ripped team of writers and editors headquartered in the heart of Cannatown, and with help from old friends, they've assembled this most amazing spectacle of literature you see before you. Read, enjoy--now, make haste, to the smakery! - e Editors
Altitude Organic Colorado Springs Page 39 A Cut Above Colorado Springs Page 37 ree Rivers Colorado Springs Page 53
21+ Tourist? Recreational Shops Listings on Page 21! FIND DOCTORS, GET MED CARD pg 19 **** SAVE BIG WITH COUPONS pg 37
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Town’s Dresden Pink Nugget Nabbed Heist casts shadow over value, security of treasures
e Highest Authority Since 2009
Cannapages is a JohnsonConcept Company Published by
Nathan Johnson Micah Johnson Isaac Johnson Sales Director Dillon Rice Production Mike G. Customer Success Molly Norton Lead Developer Mike Morris Contributors Rhett ompson Rolv Harris Cover Art Justin Redmon Logo Aaron Draplin
ree Cannstables roll a quick fatty and discuss the heist urs.
e largest pear-shaped fancy vivid pink nugget ever grown has been stolen from the Metropolitan Museum of Canna- town. ere are no leads at this time, but authorities say the culprits likely gained access to the heavily-guarded exhibit by stealthily slipping an Xbox into the security oce. Once security personnel were distracted, the thiefs also discovered a way to disable the million-dollar laser-triggered alarm. “ ey unplugged it,” explained Chief Cannstable Ed Whitaker. Known as the “Dresden Pink,” the rare, 78.4oz bud was last appraised in Bong Kong six years ago at nearly $420,000, as its impressive size, superb color and stunning clarity placed it in the top echelon of known world nuggets. “It’s dicult to imagine a dank morsel that better illustrates the term ‘vivid pink’ than this outstanding stone,” noted Alistair Dabbing- ton, Worldwide Chairman of Sothebis Nugget Division. “ is was the pinkety-pink of the dankety-dank,” he added. e highest price on record ever paid for a fancy vivid pink bud was the 80.6oz Maui Dragon, which fetched $470,000 at Sothebis’ Geneva Cannvention in 2010, from Cannadian bil- lionaire Lawrence Fletcher. Fletcher reduced the bud drasti- cally thereaer, notoriously smaking the vast majority of over 56oz by himself in just three weeks. Authorities are asking anyone with information about the heist to come forward.
Find all our great coupons at DEALS.CANNAPAGES.COM 1-800-699-8169 info@cannapages.com Editorial | editors@cannapages.com Sales | sales@cannapages.com
OTHER HEADLINES CannaTown Named Best Place to Raise a Plant Barely edges out Splington Falls and St. Blunts Munchies Mobile Discontinues Bok Choy, Kimchi
Greater Denver/Boulder cannapag.es/den Southern Colorado cannapag.es/cos
pg 150 pg 157 pg 166 pg 171
Copyright 2026 All Rights Reserved. No part of this publica- tion may be reproduced or reprinted without expressed written consent of the publishers. Every attempt has been made to ensure the accuracy of these listings and their inclusion. Cannapages does not accept responsibility or liability for any omissions or errors.
Work Microwave Smells Like Yo Mama
Your phone is on mute
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FINAL EDITION
News from CannaTown
Page 9
CANNASCOPES : Discover Your Fortune! Aries - By the power of Greyskull, you will have the chicken Chalupa and a Double Decker Supreme, with hot sauce and a ‘Dew. Taurus - Although they didn’t have any sheep le for $20, the coupon did say while supplies last . Gemini - It isn’t me, it’s you. You and your cats. Cancer - You felt pretty bad about all the kids going to the ER, but you’ve got to admit, the home smelting kit was kickass birthday present. Leo - e winner is in: the world voted to name that voice in your head “Voicy McVoice Face.” Virgo - You can tell alot about a person by the way they walk, or in your case, crawl through the mud with handfuls of moldy cheese.
Libra - In your medicated haze, you’ll choose to spite Sisyphus and try pushing the stone downhill instead. Scorpio - It’s been an epic, brutal war, but you can nally say you’ve beaten your life- long dependency on Schwepps. Sagittarius - Your Hummer limo would be much pimpier without the Uhaul trailer. Capricorn - e bugs will attack you in tenacious, unmerciful swarms, until you realize you just covered yourself with On!, not O ! Aquarius - Only an invisible key can open an invisible wall. But that is the least of your worries in the Chamber of Dreams. Pisces - You’d re the robot butler for bringing a joint without a light, if it wasn’t for the way he choked back sobs and dropped to his knees to beg last time.
What Came to Pass News in Brief
Dr’s Con rm Long-Term Cannabis E ects Doctors have announced that despite the historical medical hearsay, only one long- term e ect of cannabis has been proven to plague cadets: Ganjavitis. “As far as we know, this strange disease is likely to a ect nearly 100% of known cannabis users,” said Cheef Doctor Wesley Sills. “ is is just another reminder to all cadets to brush and clean the mouthpiece of their bowls.” Pillownomics prof predicts at times ahead Norbit Stanley, Associate Professor of Pil- lownomics at CannaTown U, has forecasted rough times in the next year, in what will likely be a topsy-turvy, hot and cold mess. “It will begin in ated and u y but end at as a pancake,” he told the school alumni associa- tion. “You would be wise to stock up on u y pillowage. Nothing for decoration. ey have to be thick, durable and of course, so.” You shouldn’t have moved in It was too early. And now you have to go.
Bosom buddies nd some sorta metal thnigy, B4
Stories in Today’s Other Sections
Utterly high pâtissier accidentally makes award-winning Pâte à Choux ......................C4 Nefarious knitters nabbed a er authorities latch on to similar patterns..................... D7 Stoner scientists develop utility bill that pays itself ................................................. E9 Trenchcoat and dark glasses gave you away ............................................................... G13
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CannaTown Local News Secret And Safe! Bank with CannaBank of CannaTown Open to New Clientele FREE ACCOUNTS STORE YOUR BUD Low 4.20% APR (ANNUAL PINCH RATE) ere is no better thing than the feeling of security in this harsh, unpredictable world. at’s why we help you preserve your nest stash until you’re ready to make a withdrawl and have a wonderful time! Keep Your Family Heirlooms Safe! Gain Nugget Interest on your shake Lollipops standard for ALL CLIENTS *Not just children* Need a loan? Get Fronted if you Qualify All Accounts Receive 24/7 Fraud Monitoring ---- Check your balance, trade nugs, and transfer between accounts at CannaTownBank.com Our App is buggy so why don’t you just stop in? Plam Reading! with renowned Plamist Darcy Hogan What’s your Future? Let her read your plam ! Disclaimer A Plam reading is not the same as a palm-reading. For more Information about Plams and reading your plam, visit www.plamreading.com where you can develop a good plam to plam your own plam
“Aer the terraced twilight elds, most of the paths conjoin,” - Harold White, Highlands Cartographer
Group to Fully Map Paths to the Highlands Scientists, researchers set o to accomplish “fool’s dream”
An expedition of 93 professors, analysts and researchers will soon launch the world’s most comprehensive e ort to map the highlands. e group will work in small teams; each will document its unique means of travel. Some will begin their journey upward from the gangly Stem Forest, and others, over yonder in the vast foothills of Stepopholus. “Aer the terraced twilight elds, most of the paths con- join,” said Harold White, an Expert in Highland Cartogra- phy, “Many of us are familiar with the old legends that describe breaking through the cloudy fog of the timberline, where the road becomes a divine red brick path, guiding the thrilling ascent up to that golden gate, perched over wax waterfalls, through which the smell of the crystalline lake lls the senses. e stories are true. ”
Only those who steam-roll via the vortex of hidden caves, or y on the grin, will expedite the otherwise gradual climb. “Once we all reach the castle on the lake, we’ll compare data, in order to co-produce the most highly-accurate mapping of the alpine region,” said White.
A team will inevitably also end their tour following a journey into the endless horizon of Resin Desert, spending but as much time as bravery permits. While the volunteers are aware the path will never really reach the highlands, they’re eager to nd out just how high it can go.
FINAL EDITION
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It Seems to Me By CannaTown Codger Raymond Halvorson Ya see all these durn
youngsters dabbin’ and purgin and twerkin all over the place, makes ya sick. In my day, we had a piece of paper and the bud. at was it. You rolled er up and if some dirt or grass got in there, well, you smaked it, dad gum- mit. We’d keep all our
Purp Becomes a Professor e sole owner and operator of Purp’s Purp has accepted a position as an adjunct lecturer at CannaTown University. Citing - nancial pressures--from splitting the Purp market with Canna- Town's new King Keefers --Purp reported that he will teach to supplement income and “ensure that the academics of Purp get passed down to the younguns.” “I’ve been sayin’ ‘Smells ain’t free,’” he wrote in a statement. “And the knowledge ain’t free. at’s why it’s college. You’re learnin’ about the Purp. And if you ain’t got the Purp, you ain’t got the smells. It’s a circle, and it’s science. at’s day one .” Purp’s curriculum will focus on the various types of purp, purp history, genetic heritage, eld identi cation, optimum horitcultural technique and appraisal, as well as some social and commercial implications of purp in today’s community. “We’re fortunate to have Purp onboard to share his in nite wealth of wisdom,” said Bert Melkma, Head Dean of the Plant Institute at CTU. Purp also announced the release of another upcoming strain biopic, a followup to his 2011 sleeper-hit, Just Walk Away from that Smallbud Purp .
roaches to roll up in a massive roachie spli , I tell you what, and then we even kept that roach! Times was tough, is all I’m sayin’. en ya hear about these young folk with their glass rigs and torches and shit? Well, in my day we made our bongs out of bottles and cans, fruit, whatever we could nd…one of the key accom- plishments of my youth was the construction of a two-barrel garbage can bong made with two new bins from Homie Depot. ose were the days. Chie n’ hash out of whatever contraptions could be built from everyday household parts... doing kni es in the kitchen over the ol’ gas stove. Hot boxin’ in the closets and cramped stair wells. Waking up in a haze daze with last night’s pizza still in the oven. Ya wonder what kind of fancy couches them young’uns camp out on while they chief -- probably a chaise lounge? Lordy. In my day we fell asleep under the stars! On the rocks! We let the durn’ bugs crawl into our clothes because we had no blankets, or shelter. Also, we had no food around because everyone always had the munch- ies so bad. Gad, what a fantastically awful time it all was. Even though I don’t remember it, I miss it. A young miser came up to me just the other day and asked if I wanted to Vape. Vape! Speak English, I told him, I’ll have Scottie beam me up to the Death Star and smake a Hash Vaperil- izer with George Orwell, I said. e man asked if I still wanted his wax. Wax? It was earwax, he said. I didn’t know what it was but he said it was potent so I got some, either way. Wax! Well here I am, probably time to get a cellular telephone too, damn generation, draggin me into the future as I kick and scream. at’s the way I see it, mm-hmm. Raymond Halvorson is a regular guest at the bus stop at 43rd and Ganj Ave. where he feeds the pigeons.
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Dispatches from the Highlands
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CannaTown News Activists Link Arms Around Iconic Hole A er city council’s stunning
Wednesday vote to ll in the ol’ Cannatown hole , a loyal crowd of townspeople rushed to it with shovels and picks to dig and sing long into the night. It’s an outrage,” said long- time resident Eden Goodspell. “I’ve never met anyone who didn’t love the town hole.” Although the Cannatown charter didn’t ocially recog- nize the hole until 1952, some say that it predates the city
by a century. “It’s just in our nature to dig,” said Professor Je erson Commons. “If they ll in the hole, they’ll have hundreds of new small little holes soon, and that’s not good for anyone.” e council cited several reasons for ll- ing in the hole, which now stretches over a square mile wide, and quarter-mile deep in some places. ey noted the rabid, teeming wildlife. Also, that it was really muddy. “ e whole town is soiled,” Commons notes. “On the other hand, there’s tourism.” e hole was built by a man known as P. Traverse, aer a pack of wild, ightless birds allegedly wrecked a previous hole. “And I just built that hole!” he told onlookers before recklessly massacring the ock, as the legend goes. Since then, it has been a place to dig, and re ect, for generations of localfolk. But that tradition may become distant memory unless an appeal prevents this gaping eyesore
of a dark, dirty canyon from getting lled with truckloads of topsoil. “I’m not going to lie, our business will be a ected,” said Bert Wood of Bert’s Iconic Hole Tours and Weekend Expeditions . He estimates that 100% of revenue could disap- pear. “But it’s not my wallet I worry about on ‘Fill-In’ day. It’s my heart.” MASSIVE BONGFIRE BURNS TREES A massive bong re suddenly sparked nearby grass before ripping through a thick handful of trees on Monday. At around 4:20, the town re alarm sounded, alerting citizens to the blaze, and many came to help. e smoke was heavy and a thick haze hung in the air, leaving townspeople unable to stand and walk for several minutes, until nally the ame could be controlled and eventually cashed out. is week on the telly e Smakening (CTC 1, Fri 7pm) I know what you smaked last summer (CTC 3, Fri 7pm) Lord of the Smake Rings (CTC 2, Fri 7pm) e Smaking Dead (CTC 4, Fri 7pm) Romancing the Stoner (CTC 1, Fri 7pm) Smake Signals (CTC 3, Fri 7pm) Indiana Jonesin’ (CTC 2, Fri 7pm) Smakes on a Plane (CTC 3, Fri 7pm)
CannaTown Entertainment
Smaking with the Stars Arrives! Fans of the show “Smaking with the Stars” will have their bowls packed when the national SWTS tour rolls through our very CannaTown! Past winners will take the stage on ursday, o ering the chance of a life time to see a C-list celebrity load and cheef a 5-foot steamroller while doing hat tricks! e smakedown will raise money for local charities. It is not clear how.
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Toast Tower Goes up in CannaTown
“ at’s literally the farthest we can throw a wad of concrete.” Two years ago, a similar endeavor, Hempmarket Landing, reached 48 feet tall, despite plans for shops and condos. e structure, a 16-room silo with no electricity or stairs, was condemned on the day of comple- tion, while cannstruction workers were still cashing the last on-site bowls. “ at project was fundamentally awed from the start,” the builder told Dispatches . “For instance, the blue prints were draed on an Etch- a-Sketch. During an earthquake.” “No one remembered how to work
Construction has begun on Toast Tower , due to be the largest man-made sky-scraper ever built while completely high. e draing committee is ambitious, boasting that the high-rise will stretch miles into the heavens, while a contractor speaking under terms of anonymity said he expects it to reach about 60 feet in height. “ ere’s no way we’re going to get higher than 5 stories,” he told Dispatches in secret.
the crane,” he added. Still, developers for Toast Tower are posi- tive things will work out this time. “We tried out the design with a deck of cards, and it held up extraordinarily well,” said Herbert Jeeves of Bongatron Construction, “ e only thing that brought it down was that we needed space for the pizza.”
completely leave the building.” e Call Center closed at 1pm. Employ- ees reported that the aroma was so over- powering that a line of nauseated people formed outside the lavatories, and others ran panicked into the streets. e oce evacuated, followed by buildings nearby, as the skunk-righteous stench lingered far, carrying with it a pungeant, creamy essence and deplorable wonder.
Building Evacuated Due to Skunk
e oce doors were nally shuttered o to passersby for safety reasons, and for authorities to locate the beast. “We’ve had skunk in here before, but never this bad,” reported Rogers. “ is may be the zaniest case I ever smelled, but can’t say I’m surprised. ey’ve been talking about some epic skunk coming through for a few weeks now.” e investigation is part of a broadened e ort to answer reports of skunk from a local taqueria, and from a family whose son was visiting from college during the prior weekend.
A crew is still on the search for the skunk that shut down an entire Cannatown Call Center on Tuesday. “It was about 12:45, right aer the late night janitor crew clocked in, that the skunk was rst reported,” said facilites manager Ted Rogers. “We now know, from the pure dankity dankness of its aroma, that it is a strong skunk, and that its skunkalicious essence may take weeks to
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Dispatches from the Highlands
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CannaTown News New Study Shows You’re Stressed Out Like a Mofo
New research shows you are totally stressed to the core, and that nobody in their right mind can possibly know what a nightmare your life is right now. Scientists report that you’re losing your grip on reality and haven’t gotten a good night of sleep in lord only knows how long, and that the person who’s honking in the car behind you can go stick their head in an elephant’s posterior. Moreso, evidence shows that you’re not going to do another freakin’ thing until the steam- roller full of Hindu Kush sitting on the mantel has been fully smaked, reloaded and smaked again, and that you don’t give two rips about what anybody says, even if the pu s hit you so hard that you puke your guts out. Statistics suggest that you’re by far the most stressed-out bastard on the planet, and therefore retain the license to smake until you puke right here and right now, as cod is your witness. Age with Grace! at Cannatown Retirement Community Assisted Dabbing! Come for the Peace Stay for the Smake! Live like you’ve died and gone to heaven Free Cannsultation. Come join our circle!
When asked if a cadet or computer wrote these items, the test group was fooled by the computer nearly 75% of the time.
“High” Computer Passes Visual Turing Test Learns, writes like a cadet well enough to fool humans
Arti cial Canntelligence (AC) has made huge advancements in recent years, but typically it pales in comparison to the real thing. But now a team of researchers have developed an AC that can learn handwritten characters aer seeing single examples written by canna- cadets. e research had two goals: to better understand how cadets actually think, and to break machines slightly so that they could learn in this cadet- like way. “For the rst time, we have a machine system that can hazily learn a class of visual concepts just like a cadet at 4:20 in the aernoon,” said chief scientist Mona Rosen- baum. “Essentially, we got the computer high.” Cadets are really good at “cannductive reasoning,” a concept that allows us to take a single idea, and somehow get to another completely unrelated idea, without any idea how we
got there, and then ve seconds later, completely forget what we were talking about in the rst place, and order nachos. Volunteering cadets drew hundreds of sentences on handwritten note paper, and researchers fed the strips one by one into the program. e machine was asked to break the sentences into di erent words and reassemble them based on other sentences; this task was given also to a cadet test group and in both cases the test failed miserably. However, it did pass the Turing test. When asked to identify whether a human, or arti cially high computer had produced the sentences, a group of judges was stumped. eir guesses were slightly bet- ter than high chance. Arti cal Canntelligence is still a long way from matching the thrill of the high, but the future is not far.
FINAL EDITION
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CannaTown News
SPACE CADET FINALLY COMES DOWN Aer 345 days in deep space, returns to Earth
T he long-awaited trip is over, as Space Cadet Orval J. Humphries nally landed on Saturday, aer nearly a year in space. “I’m not as happy to be home as I thought I’d be, and might get right back up in orbit soon,” he said immediately upon landing. “Still, it was a fantastic voyage that I hope all of us will take in our lifetimes.” Humphries was in high high atmosphere for a straight 345 days aer launching from Cape Cannaveral, deep in the highlands, near Cannedy Space Center. Never once in that time did he physically return to earth. It is not known whether this is a record, but it probably is. “Every monrning with the rst wake n’ bake, I totally strattled the stratosphere. On no day did I ever fall from orbit,” Humphries announced. Researchers at CASA (Can-
natown Aeronatuics and Space Administration) are determining what happened. Humphries reported to have grown two inches during the venture, a claim that even his own girlfriend describes as “highly unlikely.” e cadet emerged from his pod on Saturday, exhibiting accidentally-shaven beard patches, and stains covering his shirt. He at once wished to talk to someone at length about House of Cards. Later, in a phone call, Mayor J. Van Cannaby praised him for his probably record-break- ing acheivement. Tests will be conducted to in- vestigate all physical and men- tal changes from the mission. On a daily basis, CASA tracked data such as Humphries’ THC levels, reactions to bright lights, choice of munchies, and bowl density--the loss of which is a major concern in micro- gravity. From a scienti c angle, Humphries provides a unique advantage in that his identical twin, Clement, remained on the ground and served as a type of control. “It was the most miserable year of my life,” Clement said. “ ey had to pay me thrice as much as a doctor, and I still almost failed my part of the mission on a daily basis.” CASA also paid close atten- tion to Humphries’ speci c space diet of Blueberry, Girl Scout Cookies, Exodus Cheese, Papaya, and Bubble Gum.
CANNABIS TO RE- PLACE ALL CURRENCY Overtakes 100% transac- tions and exchanges soon e long-anticipated transition date is fast ap- proaching for all world currencies to be replaced by one mean of transac- tions: cannabis. All grams will equal 1 dol- lar, and in time, citizens will cease to think of the two as separate things. Although the major- ity of the public is still behind the reeferendum, many lament the closing of banks, and with them, their nasty waiting lines and overdra fees. Under the new law, banks will have to close, because “the money grows on trees.” is past weekend, nostalgic Cannatown citizens spent the last of their paper dollars at co ee shops and soda fountains for old time’s sake. Sentiment on the street ranged from con- fusion to elation. “I’m rich,” said local nana, Mel Lowcreepa. “ en again, I’m burning through the inheritance, ha!” “Back to the green- house,” joked Terry Moore of Cannchester, his hands full of grow supplies.
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CannaTown News Netakes sets new
Bros Interfere with Satchel to In uence Bowl Ocials: “Quite clear now that other Bros were involved.”
award season records Net akes has broken even more records with its direct-to-consumer programming as a new release, e 420 Percent , was so captivating that the national economy shut down for nearly 8 days. e hit show, about a post apocalypse where survivors must decide who gets the last satchel on earth, was the most binge-watched programming in the past 16 months, according to Jake “Redbeard” Nielsen. e 420 Percent has already garnished 22 award nomina- tions, including best cannamatography and sgreenplay. It makes over 100 awards for Net akes so far this year, which has also been recognized for its hits e Grown , and e White Widow Project . A Net akes user also set a chilling record recently by viewing literally all streaming content in one sitting. “He watched everything, even Vaca de mi Padre .” said Director of Content Kerrie Duvall. “ ere’s virtually nothing le. at includes literally 23 hours of e Fireplace .” Frigid temperatures hit area bong waters In another sign of Globowl warming, forecasters report that the coldest temps in history will be hitting area bongs. e public has been warned to hit it early, before the ice melts, for the ultimate dankity smoothness.
It has been con rmed that adversarial bros did indeed meddle with the satchel in order to in uence the outcome of the bowl, Canntelligence Agencies have reported. In a statement to the Bros ear- lier today, Canngress warned to be “careful,” as the act was “some pretty serious bro shit.” Agencies like the CYA, FBY, and Interbol con rmed that the bros may have even in ltrated stashes of all the Bros but were particularly selective about which bowls to mess with. “It should alarm every Bro out there,” said bowlitical analyst Marcia bunker. “ is warrants a deeper drive into the plastic
bags, jars and other technology protecting our satchels.” Whats more troublesome is that Bros packing the bowl may have been aware of the interference right away. “ e satchel seemed light, and some of the nugs had been replaced with gnarly, feathery ones,” bowl manager Harvey Belka announced in a speech to his neighbors at 23rd and Como. “We are asking all Bros who know something about these other bros, to come forward.” e reward for information has been set at a courtesy bowl, and a special task force formed to nd the perpetratrors. “ is could last for days,” Belka said.
Massive Trac Jam on C420 Pandemonium caused by person passing to right
A massive trac jam on C420 that a ected at least 100 people has now been ocially blamed on one person in the circle passing to the right. A perfect storm ensued when a camper was caught between trac going both directions, and everything backed up for miles. “It was heart-stopping!” said George Clovers, who actually witnessed the collision from 40 feet away. “Everybody could feel it coming, but then it all happened in slow motion. All we could do was cringe and shield the eyes of the weaker contituents.” A man described as awnry and distressed was seen passing
the wrong direction, ultimately causing the pileup, which measured the worst in recent memory. “It’s kind of unheard of this day in age,“ Clovers said. “No one knows who he was. But gosh, what a mess.” “It’s one of the rst things they teach you, pass to the le,” he added. Another onlooker was dev- astated. “I cried for a few min- utes,” she said, “but I nally got a hold of myself.” Trac ocials rushed onsite to tend to the long lines of people still waiting their turns. It was still dark by time things returned to normal, but by then it was late and some had to jet.
FINAL EDITION
News from CannaTown
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CannaTown Business
Pizza Prices Freezing Everything but Hunger Munchies Market News and Index
B ad news today from reader Patrice Lancaster, a local operator that says the rising cost of frozen pizzas has had a major impact on Munchies Mobile, Cannatown’s “mart”- in-a-van, and top vendor of pizza by volume. “We feel bad asking a customer for $10 for it, honestly,” she said. “When you look into their eyes and see that salivating, red-eyed hun- ger, you know that price can’t go any higher. Otherwise they might as well order delivery. Or eat cereal.” “Besides, by time we show up, they will usually snarf down almost anything else on the menu. Aside from the Napa cabbage kimchi.” Another tragic story is that of
the ma and pa chuckwagon phenomenon “Davy’s Taters,” that fell into bankruptcy this week immediately aer a wild- ly successful IPO last month. “ ey were burning twice as much as a normal company,” said analyst Karina Harris. “Even though Time Magazine published an expose on their culinary experimentation, very few clients actually wanted to try the $87-Dollar Burger.” In winter months, munchie analysts expect ax seed to be down, and hummus continues to su er setbacks. Meanwhile sausage pizza is showing some hard-hitting gains for the third month in row, once again beat- ing Hawaiian by a nose. Note: All eyes on Twix today.
Inventor of the “Huge Mick” Mourned Sandwich innova- tor Fred Dorsey, who brought us McDabber’s classic Huge Mick, was laid to rest aer a day-long wake and thousands of mourners. e funeral proces- sion, which drove thru through McDabber’s on the way, numbered over 900 cars and an estimated 3,800 people, all of whom showed up to pay their last respects. “Man, I can’t tell you one person here, who couldn’t recite to you the recipe about two all-Keef patties on a sensamilla-seed bun,” lamented company spokesperson Rabber McDabber, who donned a black clown costume and striped socks for the keynote eulogy. “As Fred used to say, there’s no small parts, only small mouths, too small to t a Huge Mick .” Some threw rose petals on the large styrafoam con as it was lowered, while a 21-mayo gun salute red o in the distance. “A legacy like this doesn’t stand alone,” said McDabber. “It comes with large fries and an ice-cold drink.”
Munchies Index Name SUNDAE
Name OREO SODA TWNKIE POPSCL M&MS COOL RANCH DORITO RITZ LAYS CLASSIC FRITOS WHEAT THINS CHPS N SALSA BRDSTX MOON PIES
Yld 1.2 0.7 0.2 -1.0 -0.9
Last 25.90 48.42 65.12 156.78 27.19 57.49 16.47 48.49 65.47 78.41 23.51 46.98 76.84
Chng 1.02 0.05 0.51 0.90 0.13
Yld 1.1 0.7 0.2 -2.2 0.5 0.1 0.3 5.1 1.2 2.3 1.4 1.2 0.1 0.7 0.8 -1.3
Last 17.29 48.42 53.83 145.03 88.54 87.65 87.99 99.49 65.47 76.98 42.37 46.78 35.71 91.66 87.69 36.84
Chng 2.12 0.05 0.51 0.70 0.24 0.02 0.99 1.41 0.65 0.35 0.06 1.22 0.05 1.02 1.57 -0.09
WINGS CHZ CK BTRFGR SAUSG PIZZA PEPRNI PIZZA HWN PIZZA BACON FRT SNX BGL BITS LFTOVRS ICE CRM HOTPKT DONUTS TACOS PNCAKE
0.1 0.2 2.1 1.1 0.3 0.1 0.1 0.7
0.04 1.04 1.02 0.98 0.00 0.02 2.08 1.02
DISPENSARIES
PALMER LAKE
1. A Cut Above 2. Altitude Organic Medicine, Tejon 3. Altitude Organic Medicine, Academy 4. Altitude Organic Medicine, Platte 5. Kind Meds 6. Rooted 7. The Epic Remedy, Colorado 8. The Epic Remedy, Fountain 9. The Epic Remedy, Academy 10. The Epic Remedy, Platte 11. The Green Source, West Fillmore 12. The Green Source, 8th St 13. The Green Source, Platte 14. The Green Source, Academy 15. The Green Source, Purcell 16. Three Rivers Dispensary, Santa Fe 17. Three Rivers Dispensary, Magneto
MONUMENT
25
83
BLACK FOREST
85
United States Air Force Academy
BRIARGATE
138
NORTHEAST COLORADO SPRINGS
3
25
9
19
21
11
Palmer Park
KNOB HILL
24
MANITOU SPRINGS
CIMARRON HILLS
83
1
87
COLORADO SPRINGS
7
14
16
24
21
10
4
13
12
2
5
8
24
6
87
DOCTORS
21. Medical Alternatives Clinics 22. Sacred Leaf, Campus 23. Sacred Leaf, North Elizabeth
Cheyenne Mountain
21
16
115
SMOKE SHOPS
24. Union Smoke Shop
25
PUEBLO WEST
85
17
25
50
15
20
PUEBLO
50
45
Lake Pueblo State Park
Central Park
96
13
16
SALT CREEK
BESSEMER
TRINIDAD
10 6
25
25
STEM BEACH
Trinidad Golf
Colorado Springs, Pueblo, Trinidad, & Surrounding Areas Find the closest marijuana doctor to you online at cannapages.com DOCTORS
19
ALMA - WALSENBURG
Norman W Levin, MD 12 North Main St ......................................................................................... Alma 719-836-1502 Zenity Alternative Medicine 206 Main St.............................................................................. Canon City 719-371-2911 Alpha Health Clinic 6035 Erin Park 102 ..................................................................... Colorado Springs 719-362-0646 Canna Med Docs 3730 Sinton Rd 219 ........................................................................ Colorado Springs 720-882-5521 Diane Al-Abduljalil, MD 4740 Flintridge Dr 205 ........................................................ Colorado Springs 719-330-4482 Doctors of Natural Medicine 5446 N Academy Blvd 104 ........................................ Colorado Springs 719-212-8899 Dr. Clemens 5040 Corporate Plaza 4.......................................................................... Colorado Springs 719-428-3003 Gedde Whole Health Clinic 1526 S Tejon St ............................................................. Colorado Springs 719-216-8367 Luminant Natural Medicine Clinic 6455 N Union Blvd 100C .................................... Colorado Springs 719-435-2026 Medeval 1233 Lake Plaza Dr....................................................................................... Colorado Springs 719-418-6418 MEDICAL ALTERNATIVES CLINICS 5040 Corporate Plaza Dr 3 ....................................... Colo. Spgs. 719-246-0393 see ad below - cannasavers page 47 Medical Cannabis Health Givers 5580 Tech Center Dr ............................................. Colorado Springs 720-522-9215 Medical Care Solutions 2175 Academy Circle South................................................ Colorado Springs 719-257-9590 MMJ Exams of Colorado 525 N Cascade Ave ........................................................... Colorado Springs 970-377-0500 Relaxed Clarity 3133 N. El Paso St............................................................................. Colorado Springs 970-412-5955 SACRED LEAF 7035 Campus Dr ....................................................... Colo. Spgs. 719-988-0554 see ad on next page - cannasavers page 47 Springs Med Cards 3225 Templeton Gap Road 215 ................................................. Colorado Springs 719-314-5178 Trichome Health Consultants 2117 W Colorado Ave................................................ Colorado Springs 719-635-6337 Doctors of Natural Medicine 635 W Corona Ave 203 ................................................................ Pueblo 719-755-0786 Luminant Natural Medicine Clinic 517 Colorado Ave A............................................................. Pueblo 719-435-4331 Med Card Associates 540 E Abriendo Ave E .............................................................................. Pueblo 719-545-6498 SACRED LEAF 1123 N Elizabeth Ave ....................................................... Pueblo 719-988-0554 see ad on next page - cannasavers page 47 Family Medicine Clinic 100 West 4th St. ............................................................................ Walsenburg 719-738-1164
MMJ Doctor
With this coupon get one of the discounts below:
* $70 evaluation (standard 6 plant count) * OR, bring a coupon from another clinic and we’ll PRICE MATCH it + give you an EXTRA % off!
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5040 Corporate Plaza Dr. #3 Colorado Springs, CO 80919 Walk-ins Welcome!
Medical Alternatives Clinics
MedicalAlternativesClinics.com
Colorado Springs, Pueblo, Trinidad, & Surrounding Areas Find the closest dispensary to you online at cannapages.com KEY: DISPENSARIES
21
ALAMOSA - COLORADO SPRINGS
La Casa Cannabis II 5986 Budweiser Way ................................................................................ Alamosa 719-589-3503 High Country Healing 2 40 South Main St ...................................................................................... Alma 719-836-9000 Northern Standard 513 North Main St ........................................................................................... Alma 719-836-0420 Dispensary 7884 327 Main St .................................................................................................... Antonito 719-206-7884 Green World Express 5320 Hwy 285 ......................................................................................... Antonito 719-206-3265 High Valley Retail Cannabis 307 Main St (Hwy 285) ............................................................................................... Antonito 719-376-5251 Backstage Grass 117 Greydene Ave .......................................................................................Canon City 719-285-8607 Fremont County Cannabis 1505 Elm Ave ...............................................................................Canon City 719-275-1000 A CUT ABOVE 1150 East Fillmore Street ......................................... Colo. Spgs. 719-434-1665 see ad on front inside cover - cannasavers page 37 ALTITUDE ORGANIC CANNABIS 523 South Tejon Ave ................................................. Colo. Spgs. 719-313-9841 6755 North Academy Blvd ....................................... Colo. Spgs. 719-203-4918 2354 East Platte Ave................................................. Colo. Spgs. 719-344-5121 see ad on page 58 and page 19 - cannasavers page 39 Apothecary Farms 3049 Delta Dr................................................................................................ Colorado Springs 719-822-0420 414 Garden of the Gods Rd ......................................................................... Colorado Springs 719-301-1551 Best Budz 3729 Austin Bluffs Pkwy .............................................................................Colorado Springs 719-598-0168 BioMeds 2301 Rand Ave ............................................................................................. Colorado Springs 719-344-8289 Bleezies 195 N Academy Blvd ......................................................................................Colorado Springs 719-698-6119 Bobby Brown Best Buds 506 South Nevada Ave ..................................................................................Colorado Springs 719-645-8058 Briargate Wellness Center 890 Dublin Blvd C ......................................................................................... Colorado Springs 719-598-3510 Buku Loud 3079 South Academy Blvd ....................................................................... Colorado Springs 719-391-2858 C.R.E.A.M. 1000 West Fillmore St 105 .......................................................................... Colorado Springs 719-247-8420 Cannabicare 1466 Woolsey Heights ............................................................................Colorado Springs 719-573-2262 Cookies 3475 Pine Tree Square .................................................................................. Colorado Springs 719-694-9384 COS Confidential 3044 West Colorado Ave ................................................................Colorado Springs 719-434-1050 Doctors Orders 2106 East Boulder Street .................................................................. Colorado Springs 719-634-8808 Elevations Dispensary 8270 Razorback Rd...................................................................................... Colorado Springs 719-468-6337 Emerald City Wellness 621 W Colorado Ave ...............................................................Colorado Springs 719-358-6955 EmJ’s 2918 Wood Ave ................................................................................................. Colorado Springs 719-375-1907 Flavors 2755 Ore Mill Rd 13 ..........................................................................................Colorado SPrings 719-308-2715 Floraco 2909 North El Paso St .....................................................................................Colorado Springs 719-418-3854
22 COLORADO SPRINGS - DEL NORTE
DISPENSARIES - CANNAPAGES.COM
M R B
Fountain Superstore 5421 Rio Vista Dr 200............................................................... Colorado Springs 719-394-8883 Garden of the Budz 3178 West Colorado .................................................................. Colorado Springs 719-471-2839 Golden Meds 329 Pikes Peak Ave .............................................................................. Colorado Springs 719-630-5075 Grant Pharms 320 Prairie Rd ................................................................................................Colorado Springs 719-387-1633 (II) 1591 East Cheyenne Mountain Blvd .................................................... Colorado Springs 719-387-1634 Green Farms 3629 Galley Rd....................................................................................... Colorado Springs 719-424-7028 Green Pharm 2 4335 North Academy Blvd 100......................................................... Colorado Springs 719-598-8245 Grow Life 115 East Garden of the Gods Rd................................................................ Colorado Springs 719-635-1700 Healing Canna (Bijou) 3692 East Bijou St........................................................................... Colorado Springs 719-637-7645 (West) 22 South Chesnut St B.................................................................... Colorado Springs 719-559-4180 Herbal Healing 408 East Fillmore St........................................................................... Colorado Springs 719-632-5904 High Tops 1022 S Royer St............................................................................................ Colorado Springs 719-473-0279 2306 North Powers Blvd.............................................................................. Colorado Springs 719-597-9333 Indico 2222 West Colorado Ave.................................................................................. Colorado Springs 719-999-5934 Kika Kush 3840 North Nevada Ave ................................................................................Colorado Springs 719-698-4090 555 North Circle Dr ...................................................................................... Colorado Springs 719-434-1493 KIND MEDS 1001 South Royer St ................................................. Colo. Spgs. 719-698-7552 see ad on page 55 - cannasavers page 41 Lucky Cat Cannabis 1428 North Circle Dr 2............................................................... Colorado Springs 719-559-3777 Maggie’s Farm 818 East Fillmore .................................................................................Colorado Springs 719-358-8849 Magnolia Rd Cannabis Co 2489 South Academy Blvd .......................................................................... Colorado Springs 719-344-9695 MariMeds 222 East Moreno Ave ..................................................................................Colorado Springs 719-310-4030 Native Roots (Gas and Grass) 3660 Austin Bluffs Pkwy ................................................ Colorado Springs 719-528-7143 (Gas and Grass) 1705 West Uintah............................................................ Colorado Springs 719-375-5512 (Gas and Grass) 1003 North Academy Blvd ............................................. Colorado Springs 719-550-0327 (Gas and Grass) 1433 South Tejon St ....................................................... Colorado Springs 719-434-7739 NuVue Pharma 2304 East Platte Avenue ................................................................... Colorado Springs 719-418-3859 Pure Central 1905 North Academy Blvd .................................................................... Colorado Springs 719-375-5880 Pure North 8025 North Academy Blvd ....................................................................... Colorado Springs 719-634-7390 Pure West 207 West Rockrimmon Blvd C ................................................................. Colorado Springs 719-264-0800 Ripple 3615 East Platte Ave Frontage Rd ....................................................................Colorado Springs 719-358-6449 Rocky Mountain Medical 616 Arrawanna Street ........................................................Colorado Springs 719-337-6132 Silver Stem 5156 Centennial Blvd ................................................................................... Colorado Springs 719-308-2175 410 S 8th St .................................................................................................. Colorado Springs 719-344-5996 Snaxland 1675 Jet Wing Dr ..........................................................................................Colorado Springs 719-375-5799 Spark Co 5024 N Academy Blvd ................................................................................. Colorado Springs 719-698-4594 Star Buds 510 E Pikes Peak Ave ................................................................................. Colorado Springs 719-465-3699 The 64 Store 502 West Colorado Ave ........................................................................ Colorado Springs 719-602-0640 The Cannabis Depot 5875 Lehman Dr 100 .....................................................................................Colorado Springs 719-264-6337 1004 S Tejon ..................................................................................................Colorado Springs 719-630-7300 The Chronic Boutique 325 East Pikes Peaks Ave ..................................................... Colorado Springs 719-203-5637 The Dispensary 2205 Montabello Square Dr 101 .......................................................Colorado Springs 719-368-7606 THE EPIC REMEDY 1602 West Colorado Ave .......................................... Colo. Spgs. 719-203-6856 2712 East Fountain Blvd ........................................... Colo. Spgs. 719-434-6565 3995 North Academy Blvd........................................ Colo. Spgs. 719-434-2040 4335 East Platte Ave................................................. Colo. Spgs. 719-574-4230 see ad on page 4-5 - cannasavers page 51 THE GREEN SOURCE 975 West Fillmore Street .......................................... Colo. Spgs. 719-633-1300 318 South 8th St........................................................ Colo. Spgs. 719-635-9002 2103 East Platte Avenue........................................... Colo. Spgs. 719-302-2032 1216 North Academy Blvd........................................ Colo. Spgs. 719-573-5665 see ad on next page - cannasavers page 45 Total Green 1105 South Chelton Rd ........................................................................... Colorado Springs 719-821-2161 Trichome Health Consultants 211 West Colorado Ave....................................................................................... Colorado Springs 719-635-6337 Zaza’s 4344 Montebello Dr.......................................................................................... Colorado Springs 719-755-4399 High Stakes Leafery 324 Highway 67 A............................................................................ Cripple Creek 719-689-5653 Colorado’s Kindest 42023 Highway 112 ...................................................................................Del Norte 719-657-1123 Wise Cannabis Co 21950 U.S. 285 ...............................................................................................Fairplay 719-838-2172
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