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Dispatches from the Highlands
$4.20 Cents
CannaTown News Activists Link Arms Around Iconic Hole A er city council’s stunning
Wednesday vote to ll in the ol’ Cannatown hole , a loyal crowd of townspeople rushed to it with shovels and picks to dig and sing long into the night. It’s an outrage,” said long- time resident Eden Goodspell. “I’ve never met anyone who didn’t love the town hole.” Although the Cannatown charter didn’t ocially recog- nize the hole until 1952, some say that it predates the city
by a century. “It’s just in our nature to dig,” said Professor Je erson Commons. “If they ll in the hole, they’ll have hundreds of new small little holes soon, and that’s not good for anyone.” e council cited several reasons for ll- ing in the hole, which now stretches over a square mile wide, and quarter-mile deep in some places. ey noted the rabid, teeming wildlife. Also, that it was really muddy. “ e whole town is soiled,” Commons notes. “On the other hand, there’s tourism.” e hole was built by a man known as P. Traverse, aer a pack of wild, ightless birds allegedly wrecked a previous hole. “And I just built that hole!” he told onlookers before recklessly massacring the ock, as the legend goes. Since then, it has been a place to dig, and re ect, for generations of localfolk. But that tradition may become distant memory unless an appeal prevents this gaping eyesore
of a dark, dirty canyon from getting lled with truckloads of topsoil. “I’m not going to lie, our business will be a ected,” said Bert Wood of Bert’s Iconic Hole Tours and Weekend Expeditions . He estimates that 100% of revenue could disap- pear. “But it’s not my wallet I worry about on ‘Fill-In’ day. It’s my heart.” MASSIVE BONGFIRE BURNS TREES A massive bong re suddenly sparked nearby grass before ripping through a thick handful of trees on Monday. At around 4:20, the town re alarm sounded, alerting citizens to the blaze, and many came to help. e smoke was heavy and a thick haze hung in the air, leaving townspeople unable to stand and walk for several minutes, until nally the ame could be controlled and eventually cashed out. is week on the telly e Smakening (CTC 1, Fri 7pm) I know what you smaked last summer (CTC 3, Fri 7pm) Lord of the Smake Rings (CTC 2, Fri 7pm) e Smaking Dead (CTC 4, Fri 7pm) Romancing the Stoner (CTC 1, Fri 7pm) Smake Signals (CTC 3, Fri 7pm) Indiana Jonesin’ (CTC 2, Fri 7pm) Smakes on a Plane (CTC 3, Fri 7pm)
CannaTown Entertainment
Smaking with the Stars Arrives! Fans of the show “Smaking with the Stars” will have their bowls packed when the national SWTS tour rolls through our very CannaTown! Past winners will take the stage on ursday, o ering the chance of a life time to see a C-list celebrity load and cheef a 5-foot steamroller while doing hat tricks! e smakedown will raise money for local charities. It is not clear how.
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