The Emotional Side of Learning, for Parents
BY JULIANNA STEEN
A ll it takes is a moment: the drop-off for a playdate, the birthday party, the lull on the bleachers at the basketball game. You start up a conversation with the parent next to you, and what do you discuss? Your children, of course. Naturally, it doesn’t take long until their casual comment about their seemingly brilliant, perfect, overly involved five-year-old sparks an internal spiral. Immediately, the inner monologue begins: “Why does every other child seem ahead?”Then suddenly, you feel ashamed you even had that thought. You’re allowed to acknowledge the guilt, anxiety, and comparison you feel—those are normal, not personal failures you need to shove deep down and pretend you don’t feel. You can’t control your emotions—but you can control what you do with them. Let’s be real: Just like your kids have emotions when they’re struggling, so do you as a parent. (And that’s okay!) It’s important to acknowledge and process those feelings. So let’s talk about it.
The Comparison Trap: Why It’s So Easy to Fall Into
“behind,” you are inadvertently telling them that what they’re doing is not enough. As an Enneagram 1 first-born, let me just tell you: They’re putting enough pressure on themselves. Give yourself (and your child) the grace to grow at different speeds.
In the world of “Keeping up with the Joneses,” it’s easy to forget that every child is different, including their learning journey. Comparison is real—and it will steal your joy if you’re not careful. Modern parents face an ever-growing list of challenges when it comes to comparison, and technology only makes it harder. Social media is quick to paint a pretty picture of an unrealistic life, making it easier than ever to fall into the life-sucking comparison trap. Our milestone culture has turned learning into a race. You may think like asking yourself “Am I missing something?” is helpful, but it can quickly become harmful when it costs you joy, confidence, and trust in your child—and yourself. An article by Healthline states, “Negative comparisons send a very clear-cut message to your child that it’s not okay for them to develop at a speed that’s comfortable for them.” In essence, when you start stressing because you think your child is
The Guilt Loop: When Concern Turns Inward
It is so easy to see where your child is falling behind and think, Did I not do enough? Or, Did I do something wrong? While you may not want to admit it, we are competitive by nature—and sometimes that trickles into how we view our child’s “success” in learning. That guilt can easily morph into a disguised productivity that leads to more worksheets, more apps, and more pressure on yourself, as well as your child. A recent study by Frontiers in Psychology found that there is a strong correlation between parents’ social comparisons of their kids to others and adolescent self-esteem. While you might think it’s
16 FEBRUARY 2026 | BIRMINGHAMPARENT.COM
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