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J une 2023
T he P arent Y ou W ant to B e
Divorce Allows Fathers to Reflect on Their Role
There are many kinds of fathers in the world, but the most prevalent archetype is the Provider. This type of father gets up in the morning, goes to work, comes home late, and brings home the bacon. It’s not his job to nurture. Until relatively recently in our history, society saw this as a dad’s role, and courts did, too. Fortunately, a lot has changed. Most of us now understand that there are many ways to be a parent. Contrary to the stereotypes, some fathers are very nurturing, and some mothers aren’t. Your gender doesn’t necessarily dictate how you raise your kids. Parenting is a spectrum, and judges should make custody decisions based on existing caretaking roles and relationships with the children. But old habits tend to die hard. The Manely Firm has represented many fathers whose parenting style leaned toward the Provider end of the scale. They seemed to fall into it, but that role didn’t describe who they wanted to be. Divorce gives people a rare opportunity to reflect on what they have done with their life and whether they want to continue on that path. We encourage our clients to take a personal inventory; our goal is to help them realize their hopes, dreams, and aspirations. Some fathers feel pushed into the Provider role or don’t know another way to parent. But with the other changes in their lives, they want something else. The end of a relationship is an opportunity to seek self-actualization. It’s worth asking whether the type of parent you are feels right to you. Some dads are very comfortable primarily seeing their kids on the weekends. But others realize they want to spend more time with their children and become willing to restructure their lives to make that possible. “Finding your parenting sweet spot allows you to create a more authentic relationship with your kids.” That kind of change of heart doesn’t mean the parenting relationship should be turned upside down. Truthfully, a Provider-type father who suddenly wants primary custody during a divorce usually intends to punish his ex, not spend more time with his kids. But someone who feels like their sense of self has been thrust upon them should be given a chance to change. We’ve seen many fathers spend more time with their children outside of their nuclear family than they did while in it.
Founding Partner, Michael Manely, read nightly to his youngest son, Ben, who is now attending college.
The roles of fathers and mothers continue to morph before our eyes. I’m unsure if we’re headed toward a society where 50/50 custody is the default. More than once, our laws have started to go in that direction but then taken a step back. But judges are generally more sensitive than they used to be and are open to hearing custody arguments on a case- by-case basis — which is precisely what they should do. Regardless of where the rest of society goes, I know that finding your parenting sweet spot allows you to create a more authentic relationship with your kids. When your children can see you for who you truly are, they are more likely to feel comfortable with your relationship and their place in the world. They’re more likely to become adults who are true to themselves.
No matter what type of dad you might be, I wish you a very happy Father’s Day — whatever that means to you.
–Michael Manely
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A P eculiar R oman R equirement : WALK YOUR FURRY FRIEND OR GET FINED
If you live in Rome and feel too lazy to walk your dog, you better think twice before breaking the law. Wait, the law?
This was one of the multiple laws protecting the safety and well-being of Roman animals. The city had been dealing with ongoing problems due to dogs being cooped up in small apartments or abandoned in the streets. Monica Cirinna, who created the law, explained, “It’s good to do whatever we can for our animals who, in exchange for a little love, fill our existence with their attention.” She also told the Roman newspaper Il Messaggero that “the civilization of a city can also be measured by this.” How authorities in Rome can enforce this law is still unclear, but the city also passed other less-ambiguous animal welfare laws. Aside from the mandatory daily dog walk, docking an animal’s ears or tails and selling animals at fairgrounds are also illegal acts.
They passed another law to make declawing a cat for aesthetic reasons illegal. Additionally, the city will recognize those feeding and caring for the countless stray cats roaming the stone-paved streets. And last but not least, round fishbowls are also illegal, as the circular shape forces the fish to swim in circles, which is disorienting and can affect the fish’s mood and behavior. But Rome isn’t the only city in Italy with animal- friendly laws. In Turin, for example, dog owners are required to walk their pets at least three times a day or face a fine of $650. Meanwhile, in Reggio Emilia, it is illegal to boil live lobsters. The city officials considered this cooking method “useless torture.”
Yes! In 2005, the city of Rome passed a law requiring every dog owner to walk their furry friend at least once a day if they wanted to avoid a fine.
Even though Italy is known for stunning landscapes and delicious cuisine, it can also take credit for holding pet owners accountable and ensuring they take proper care of their animal companions. J ust G etting S tarted Meet Paralegal Shakura Tanner
While Rome may seem dog-biased, cat people will be happy to learn the Italian city didn’t forget felines.
When Shakura Tanner enrolled at Clemson University in South Carolina, she didn’t foresee a pandemic upending her junior and senior years. “I remember taking my final class in bed with pajamas on and realizing I’d just finished my undergraduate degree,” she says. “I knew I wanted to go to law school, but after a year and a half of online classes, I needed a break.” Wanting to eventually attend law school in Georgia, Shakura moved to the state and found work as a receptionist at The Manely Firm in January 2022. By July, she was a paralegal and soaking up her new environment like a sponge. “I really like speaking with the attorneys and learning their perspective on different areas of law,” she says. “I’ve learned a lot about what I want to do, and I’m glad I didn’t go straight to law school.” Shakura enjoys family law and says her favorite part of the work is “providing amazing outcomes for our clients.” In particular, she loves seeing separated children and parents be reunited. Adoption cases also hit home; her family adopted her brother when she was 12. “I didn’t know all the things going on behind the scenes then,” she says, “so it’s cool to see the process.”
Working in family law has also changed Shakura’s perspective in many ways. “I remember an attorney saying one of her clients was super excited to celebrate her divorce and restart her life,” she says. “Most people think of divorce as sad, but I’ve realized it’s also an opportunity to get a fresh start and find yourself again. It’s honestly a little inspiring.” Outside of work, Shakura loves dancing; she competed with the Tiger Dancers at Clemson for all four years of her undergraduate degree, winning one championship. She’s also an avid college football fan and can’t wait until the fall season. “I love to be outside and lie in my hammock,” Shakura adds, and when indoors, she’s often playing a Legend of Zelda video game. Shakura still plans to become an attorney. She hopes to attend the University of Georgia law school and is studying for her law school admission test (LSAT). “Send good vibes or prayers — I will take all the help I can get,” she laughs. Everyone at The Manely Firm wishes her luck, but we don’t think she’ll need it. We’re confident Shakura will succeed in whatever she does.
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W here I s Y our F ocus ?
“Develop success from failures. Discouragement and failure are two of the surest stepping stones to success.” –D ale C arnegie
Why Outcomes Matter More Than Solutions
As The Manely Firm has studied “The Power of TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic)” by David Emerald, we’ve found his companion book “3 Vital Questions: Transforming Workplace Drama” to be just as instructive. Even though Emerald wrote the book for a business audience, its lessons apply just as much to our personal lives. The first vital question has transformed how we perform our work by asking, “Where do you put your focus?” When people seek an empowering response to challenges, they often try to shift their focus from problems to solutions. But in truth, that’s
G oat C heese and T hyme S tuffed C hicken
Inspired by BBCGoodFood.com
just a different way of looking at the same thing. We should set our sights higher than simply overcoming the obstacle in front of us. Rather than focusing on problems or solutions, we should let the outcomes we want guide us. There are multiple solutions to any problem, but you can only find the right one by looking at the bigger picture. Many people get stuck in a cycle of solving problems like a game of whack-a-mole. When one is defeated, another pops up, and you never reach your larger goals. For example, most of our clients face the problem of an unhappy marriage, and anyone can make a divorce happen with the correct paperwork. Some people become so focused on the solution of divorce that they forget to ask what kind of outcome they want. At this crossroads, someone must consider how they want to support their children, what career and educational goals they wish to pursue, and how they hope their life will look in 5 or 10 years. Most of all, they should determine what kind of person they want to be. Only by answering those questions can The Manely Firm help put clients on the path to their hopes, dreams, and aspirations. That goal drives every legal strategy and maneuver we make because a cookie-cutter response wouldn’t give our clients the outcome they want. “3 Vital Questions” has given us a consistent tool to use in client conversations and allowed us to adjust our perspective. Where we put our attention determines what our results will be. When you focus on solving problems, you’re only inviting more. But a focus on outcomes makes problem-solving just one part of the process.
I ngredients
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2 skinless, boneless chicken breasts
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4 pieces of thin-sliced bacon
Olive oil
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3.5 oz firm goat cheese
2 zucchinis, thinly sliced 1 large tomato, thinly sliced
1 tsp fresh thyme leaves, plus 2–3 sprigs
D irections 1. Preheat oven to 375 F. 2. Split the chicken breasts almost in half along the long side, open them like a book, then flatten the sides out. 3. Put the goat cheese on the “open book” side of the chicken and sprinkle with thyme leaves. Fold the chicken over to enclose the cheese, then wrap each breast in 2 slices of bacon. 4. Lightly oil a shallow gratin or casserole dish, then arrange overlapping rows of zucchini and tomatoes on the bottom. Drizzle with olive oil, sprinkle with salt and pepper, then set chicken on top. Place thyme sprigs on chicken. 5. Bake for 40–45 minutes until the bacon is crisp and golden and the zucchini is tender.
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211 Roswell St. NE Marietta, GA 30060 (866) 687-8561 www.allfamilylaw.com
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The Many Types of Dads
You’re Legally Obligated to Walk Your Dog? How a Paralegal’s Detour Paid Off Why You Need an Outcome Orientation Goat Cheese and Thyme Stuffed Chicken
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The Colorful History of Medieval Smack Talk
T he O riginal R ap B attles
HOW DISSES BECAME POETRY
Long before diss tracks, rap battles, and “yo mama” jokes, there was medieval “flyting.” Defined as quick exchanges of witty
Both men were known for their intellect and clever nature, and their flyting did not disappoint. This famous dialogue featured two firsts: using fecal matter as an insult and dropping the F-bomb. Low-brow and crass, these speedy insults were simply too entertaining for even kings and queens to ignore. If you’re wondering what exactly these two “gentlemen” were saying, we’d have to admit that it would be difficult to quote without including expletives and curses. However, one tame section can be shared here. Dunbar reportedly insulted Kennedie by saying:
insults, these poetic slights were popular in England and Scotland
from the 5th to 16th century. Insulting someone in verse took immense effort and quick wits, and they were undoubtedly a performance you didn’t want to miss.
Maggoty mutton, gorged glutton, scurrilous certain heir to Hillhouse, Rank beggar, oyster-dredger, dismal debtor on the lawn, Lily-livered, soul-shivered, cheap as slivers in the millhouse, Bard baiter, thief of nature, false traitor, devil’s spawn.
Despite crude language and below-the-belt potshots, flyting became entertainment for royals and was dubbed “court flyting.” While these jests are not well-documented, one flyting event made history. The iconic exchange known as “The Flyting of Dunbar and Kennedie” occurred in the early 16th century between William Dunbar and Walter Kennedie. The two were performing their court flyting for the Scottish King James IV.
While these amusing fights were a form of entertainment, men also used them to influence the courts and improve their social profile while lowering others. So, as you can imagine, flyting could get intense (similar to rap battles and heated diss tracks).
Centuries have passed, yet some things never really change!
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